The problem with diagnosis

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Everyone accepts that's what it is. They get why I'm annoying and weird and fall apart. They can see the label fits.

But they still don't see how ****ing hard it is every single day.

They don't understand the alienation. The overload. The overwhelm. Or how much of every single day goes into trying to be NT, only to fail dismally, and be so burnt out I can't do any of the things I'm good at

I know we're meant to embrace neurodiversity but right now I hate autism.

I hate that my daughter has had epic melt downs every single morning and afternoon this week. I hate that she masks and people just see her quirky strengths (which they recognise as "spectrum-y") but don't see the impact on our home life. I hate that I don't even know whether to push for a diagnosis for her because I'm scared and all the other (NT) adults in my life don't want her held back by the label even though they all say she fits the criteria to a tee.

I hate that right now I'm being illogical and rant-y, but I really hope someone on here can understand.

I've been working with my therapist for over a year now... mostly on un-masking and getting in contact with my actual needs and feelings. Accepting myself as strange and quirky and forcing others to take their stances about it.
Pretty much opposite to typical ASD "therapy"... but I have a huge palette of artificial social skills but very little contact with myself.
It helped a lot, although there is still a lot to do.

I think I get it; I don't have kids, but aside from that I have pretty similiar problems. Yes, there are people who know my diagnosis and what it means in theory, but they still don't believe me when I say that something is hard... but well, there are also things that trouble many average NTs and I don't get what the point is and what's so hard about it.

I'm moderately good at masking if I'm completely emotionally, physically and sensorily (made up word) rested... but that's never the case at the moment. But the issue with masking is that it fixes none of the problem except that you're not creating a problem for the neurotypical. But I find if I'm masking I'm unable to have any meaningful communication or interactions, so I still end up rejected because I still don't have the skills to successfully interact with people that don't know me extremely well.

My psychologist has said she will not help me find strategies for masking because she said it's just fueling the issues that are creating anxiety and depression, because I need to learn to accept how I am as valid, but it just sounds like positive self talk mumbo-jumbo (actually I find my psychologist very level headed on the whole, but the self acceptance thing is causing me stress). I understand the whole strengths of people on the spectrum thing, but what I want more than anything is just to be able to socially engage with people without needing to either hide behind a mask or confuse people. I guess I mean what I want most is to adapt so that I can read and understand people and be understood.

I would gladly trade my language analysis skills and problem solving capacity for the ability to make friends easily.

That's exactly it. The irony being we're apparently the ones who struggle to empathetically understand what other people are going through. This irony just feels like some cruel cosmic joke.

I agree with your psychologist.
It's perfectly okay to have just a couple of close friends to hold "meaningful conversations" with. Task-oriented conversations with others can do. As long as you are able to buy your tickets, get the information you need and behave at the table, it's all you need to do with them.
Those 3000 facebook friends collectors don't go into meaningful conversations with everyone they "friend".

Exactly! Finally someone who gets it!

The only reason you put a label on it is so when you go to a doctor or a therapist they can help you better you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to know. The only people who know are my therapist. And I told the optometrist yesterday who I will probably not see again. I can understand why it would be frustrating for you. How old is she? And what other adults? Early diagnosis is the best remedy. They're are millions of tools, therapies, and support for her to lead a "normal life". There are also support groups for you as well.

Not sure if it's ok to comment on old threads. Oh I so know how you feel! I get overwhelmed and often it's my daughters behaviour that gets to me. My last at home daughter just turned 15. Omg! The tantrums about going to school that starts my day! Last year when I was suicidal in school office they said they would try her just going to school for subjects she liked and not to worry if she didn't go. The difference in us both has been amazing! Through therapy have been diagnosed and can see probably strong traits of in daughter which is helping us both. I always thought I was overly sensitive and just hadn't comped with changing countries and feelings of under achievement being 'just a mother'... it appears it was deeper than that. Anyway, hope it's going better for you atm

Yeah, I get this, people don't have a f***ing clue.
Last week I was on a road trip with a work colleague, and he kept trying to engage me in conversation, saying he was trying to "bring me out of my cage". And every day he would lecture me on how important it is to be friendly with the people we are dealing with and get to know them a bit and not be all bureaucratic (I work for the state government).
To which I agreed that it is important, but he kept pushing it until in the end I said to him that I was not going to be able to do what he was wanting, it was just not possible for me.
And of course he took that as me having a bad attitude
What the f***k are we supposed to do?

Mrs Peel, 'what are we supposed to f*****g do?' ! !! !! lol! It seems we spend too much time trying to keep NTs happy and it appears all the overthinking and trying we do it seems to rarely come back. I'm sick of it too and although part of me feels like I want 'friends' to keep the 'alone' feeling at bay, it seems to be over rated and hard work to find the so called 'friends' just take your ideas and intelligent raves and then stab you in the back and are exhausting in their demands. I'm a little over friends atm and have it down to just a couple that get me that don't send me to bed when they leave to process all their s**t they dumped on me! It appears I'm great at working out solutions to other peoples problems but not my own!
I think this is why Ive ended up here.... real life friends can be demanding and draining and at least here I can visit when I feel like it and I learn stuff and people seem to have hearts not criticisms or expect me to 'drop in to supermarket for them' if I'm passing.

It's a two edged sword having NT friends! Even half the therapists to me seem only there coz it's easy money and they would be pretty useless at anything else. They wouldn't even know if I'd jumped of a cliff when I was sick of always having to get a good attitude about how sh***y humans are to each other!

Exactly this! It’s taken counselling for me to realise. My counsellor has said it would be healthly for me to find people more like me to interact with and not focus on my autism suspicion though.