Une question pour les femmes

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Ladies, imagine the following scenario:

Your man/bf/husband lost his job! and not only that, but he lost the ability to work again or to get employed ever again for some reason (Physical, mental, or his work industry is too narrow/obsolete... etc) - the reason doesn’t matter because it leads to the same result: he no longer can generate income.

What are you gonna do regarding the relationship?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Apr 2018, 3:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

this is very unlikely scenario, I think. because if someone is unable to work due to mental or physical issues him is probably getting an early retirement, so he will have some sort of income? (at least that's how works in my country), if his field just got too narrow or obsolete, he could just change his field – of course it could take some time, on this time he surely could count with my support, even if it means lowering my living standards. it also applies if he also don't get money at all never again, but then i guess i would also try to seek some extra income? maybe some relative of him could help, i don't know. it's a very difficult scenario to think about.

my father got unable to work due to illness, and now him got his retirement, but during the process which take around a year, we have a lot of difficult as he was the main income of our family but we sell one car and some relatives of him helped us a little.

So I can go work full time, and he can look after the kids.
I'd be happy with that, as long as he doesn't whinge about it.

(Or did you want a NT viewpoint?)

Can't think of much other than try to be supportive if he is struggling emotionally with his situation.

Nothing because if I like someone enough to marry them I wouldn't leave them for such a misfortune as the one you listed. I'm not attracted to the vast majority of men so someone I am attracted to and can form an emotional bond with such that I would marry, and who also feels the same way about me, would be too rare to dump.

But I do ask he help around the house if he has the capacity to do so.

Last edited by traven on 15 Apr 2018, 3:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

What would be the “NT viewpoint” in that?

Extremely hard to imagine this about my personal husband. To render him unable to work would probably require so severe brain damage that inability to work would be our least problem. I have no problem imagining fairly Hawking-like scenario about him. He's this kind.
There could be a point where the cost of supporting him because of his health problems would outgrow his income. Well, I would be looking for outside support then. Change my job to more boring but better paying.
I know if he were unable to work, he would be even more unable to care for house&kids. These are harder for him than his job. So we would have a serious problem of an active person suddenly unable to do anything. I have a friend who suddenly developed psoriatic arthritis so severe than in one month from a 30yo sportsman he came to a level of 80yo hardly-walking one. I saw how hard it was to him and his gf. And it would be even harder if a disease rendered my spouse unable to work. Because it would render him unable to do his hobbies, which mostly require the same skills as his job. He would have a real problem to have any joy in life.

So, the bottomline: Financially it would be hard but we could do, I would probably need to find a better-paying job and likely ask for help with the kids in the extended family so I have more time to focus on work. But to render my spouse unable to work would mean him so seriously disabled that lack of income generation would not be our main problem.

I think reason why he can't work is important. If his work industry is too narrrow/absolete - he can change it, he can retraining and learn something new. People with physical or mental problem can try find some supported employment, protected workshop or get disability pension. I would try to find some solution with him.

You see, true, unwavering love exists---you just have to prove to be tough and successful enough to earn it first.

I have a question for you, OP. Suppose that your wife was the major breadwinner and she broke her neck, becoming a quadraplegic. Would you abandon her for someone more useful to you?

My aunt's best friend never left her husband even after he was physically assaulted and rendered unable to work.

I don't read French so am going to ignore who this question is aimed at

Your OP happened to me but in reverse , my GF became ill and could no longer work , it just made me work twice as hard but the relationship between us didn't change due to her not working ( obviously when a person is in constant pain , life is not fun so our relationship is not exactly the same as it was before she became ill).

i actually remember a scenario that may apply to my relationship in future and sort of applies to this question. i think about working in foreign public service, and most of times, your partner can't work in the country you are in. but then you often got some extra money so it wouldn't be a problem money-wise (even if you don't, the salary is often good) and as we would be moving to a new country every 2-4 year, i guess it wouldn't be so boring to him as he could use his free time to learn the language, explore the new place, etc. Also if we have children, they will probably need a lot of more work at home as they will need to learn a lot of new languages, so having a stay-at-home partner will be great.

I so envy your boyfriend.

You know, there is a grain of truth in what you are telling.

I'm from non-capitalistic background, so it's not much about money. But I've had some spectacular successes in different competitions (male dominated) about high school age. No money but quite a lot of prestige.
And I learned the hard way that guys are not handling well if their woman is more successful than them. My boyfriends all went through the same schemes of low self esteem, depression and passive agression... until I paired up with one comparably successful to me.

I don't know if it's culture or something deeper. I don't know if it can be changed or not. But this is the world I am living in. If I don't want to give up my own ambitions (and I don't) and I want to be with a man (and I do), he needs to be as ambitious as I am. For his own mental health's sake.