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League_Girl
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14 May 2018, 2:39 pm

I was looking through my school files about me as a kid for IEP and stuff and medical records. I found one from when I was five years old made by my preschool and the teacher wrote I manipulate other kids and adults. That made me wonder what I did to manipulate. I could only think of that one time when I was on a school bus and I wanted this wind up car this boy had so I asked to look at it. Instead I threw it under the seat and pretended it was lost. But everyone saw it was under the seat and I was made to give it back so I did. I doubt the teacher wrote that comment for that situation.

I can remember my mom telling me how lot of people didn't understand me and stuff and I lived in the moment so I wonder if this could have been misinterpreted as me being manipulative. Maybe also because I had different behaviors, I had one behavior there and different behavior over there because that was the way it was. Rules were different so I had to adjust. Maybe this got misinterpreted too as me being manipulative.

Has this ever happened to anyone, saw you were described as manipulative?


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elsapelsa
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14 May 2018, 3:06 pm

I guess through some vantage points my daughter could be described as manipulative because she is constantly seeking to order the world to her satisfaction and to best meet her needs. I would not say that is manipulative, but I can see how grandparents and extended family (who are unaware that she is autistic) might think so. Could it be that kind of manipulative?


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14 May 2018, 3:12 pm

I have been before. I like to have some degree of control of my surroundings, and hate being controlled. When I'm having a harder day, and I cannot have my way I get very stressed. Many people see this from the outside and call it manipulative.


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14 May 2018, 4:21 pm

When I was a young kid in special ed, I was reported as manipulative, though I'm not sure. I think i was saying things from my point of view and a NT read it wrong.

Example:
I'm at the cafeteria at school. I'm standing there looking at all the food being served, and a lunch lady asks me "Have you eaten today?" and I said "Yes, but it wasn't enough for me." and then I would get a free meal.

Looking back, now as an adult, I realized what I meant was "Yes, I did get fed at home, but I love food and what I got at home wasn't enough because I wanted more". I was taken care of at home, and never went hungry, but NT heard "OMG this kid is being starved at home". I was later told that I was being manipulative when I had said this but I wasn't sure how I was. One of those scenes that play over and over in my mind. I told truth, but from my point of view, and didnt clarify or use flowery speech so I was misunderstood. But as a kid who loved food, I saw "Heh, free food!"



eeVenye
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14 May 2018, 4:27 pm

Yes, by superiors.

And it was just as quickly dismissed by more direct supervisors, so :shrug: not my problem?

I mean, I know that there are things that I have learned to get my way, when necessary, but usually it is just a matter of picking battles and knowing when to push back and when to give way, a very pricey lesson, but one well taught by my childhood.


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League_Girl
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14 May 2018, 5:05 pm

Arganger wrote:
I have been before. I like to have some degree of control of my surroundings, and hate being controlled. When I'm having a harder day, and I cannot have my way I get very stressed. Many people see this from the outside and call it manipulative.



I can relate to what you wrote here. I seem to always need my way or I get stressed. I also walk away from situations I have no control over so it's not like I will get bossy.


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14 May 2018, 5:41 pm

I have heard this through much of my life.

I earliest I can remember was probably when I was 7.

A kid came up to me at school ad asked if I wanted some candy.

I said sure, gave him some coins and a few minutes later got a small box of candies.

Later that day I got in trouble for "telling another kid to leave school grounds, go to a store next door and get candy".

I never told the kid to get me some candy, he offered.

My mom says I'm manipulative and play "mind games".

I'll admit that today I'm a little manipulative. But I never play mind games.


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14 May 2018, 8:21 pm

I was described as a smart-ass by my father, and a manipulative liar by my mother. I've been fairly blunt as a kid, and I don't regret it. I would've been bullied far worse if I hadn't stood-up for myself.



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28 May 2018, 8:27 am

My mom called me manipulative aLOT. I have various mental & physical disabilities in addition to my autism that my parents did NOT understand. My disabilities cause me to be very dependent partly due to the environment I was brought up in. My mom insisted that I could do lots of things myself & just didn't want to cuz I was lazy which lead to her thinking I'm manipulative by pretending to be helpless(her word for me)


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28 May 2018, 9:26 am

I get told that I am manipulative whenever I don't agree with someone who is not making any sense.


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28 May 2018, 11:08 am

League_Girl wrote:
I was looking through my school files about me as a kid for IEP and stuff and medical records. I found one from when I was five years old made by my preschool and the teacher wrote I manipulate other kids and adults. That made me wonder what I did to manipulate. I could only think of that one time when I was on a school bus and I wanted this wind up car this boy had so I asked to look at it. Instead I threw it under the seat and pretended it was lost. But everyone saw it was under the seat and I was made to give it back so I did. I doubt the teacher wrote that comment for that situation.

I can remember my mom telling me how lot of people didn't understand me and stuff and I lived in the moment so I wonder if this could have been misinterpreted as me being manipulative. Maybe also because I had different behaviors, I had one behavior there and different behavior over there because that was the way it was. Rules were different so I had to adjust. Maybe this got misinterpreted too as me being manipulative.

Has this ever happened to anyone, saw you were described as manipulative?


It could be if you had meltdowns/screaming/acting out when you couldn't get what you wanted. If that was your reaction to stress/disappointment, many people view that as being manipulative.

I'll act badly so they will cave to my demands.

I don't believe you did this deliberately, but people seeing the actions probably thought it was manipulating behavior.



League_Girl
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28 May 2018, 12:46 pm

Tawaki wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I was looking through my school files about me as a kid for IEP and stuff and medical records. I found one from when I was five years old made by my preschool and the teacher wrote I manipulate other kids and adults. That made me wonder what I did to manipulate. I could only think of that one time when I was on a school bus and I wanted this wind up car this boy had so I asked to look at it. Instead I threw it under the seat and pretended it was lost. But everyone saw it was under the seat and I was made to give it back so I did. I doubt the teacher wrote that comment for that situation.

I can remember my mom telling me how lot of people didn't understand me and stuff and I lived in the moment so I wonder if this could have been misinterpreted as me being manipulative. Maybe also because I had different behaviors, I had one behavior there and different behavior over there because that was the way it was. Rules were different so I had to adjust. Maybe this got misinterpreted too as me being manipulative.

Has this ever happened to anyone, saw you were described as manipulative?


It could be if you had meltdowns/screaming/acting out when you couldn't get what you wanted. If that was your reaction to stress/disappointment, many people view that as being manipulative.

I'll act badly so they will cave to my demands.

I don't believe you did this deliberately, but people seeing the actions probably thought it was manipulating behavior.



I did cry when things didn't go the way I liked and also because I didn't understand. I think people just pick their battles when a child with a disability doesn't understand. I knew a girl with Down's syndrome who had her own markers and stuff and a bin full of her "stuff" because she would think everything was her because she didn't understand so the teachers just made a Shawna pile and that was hers only to use. Also she was once allowed to go next door when the school changed the schedule due to an assembly and she didn't understand she didn't go to Advisory because it was second period so the teachers just let her go next door. It was better than dealing with her getting upset due to not understanding there had been a change in the schedule. I was allowed to run all the bases in t ball because for some reason I got an idea in my head that is what you do after you finish hitting the ball, everyone just let me run the bases and not count the home run, hopefully I didn't count towards an out either and my mom had to stand out in the field with me. I didn't understand lot of stuff then. Plus I looked normal so people might have thought I was being deliberately obtuse. My mom knew just by talking to me I wasn't understanding consequences and not connecting and anything that happened before was over and I couldn't grasp later consequences. I am sure most parents would have given up on their child if they also lived in the moment thinking their child is incapable of understanding than because their brain just worked different.

I also remember crying when I couldn't get something in the store. I didn't do it out of tantrum, I was just so upset my mom wouldn't let me get it. One of the difficult things of being a kid lol. I just couldn't handle disappointment. No my mom didn't cave in, she just dealt with me crying. I call her tough.


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28 May 2018, 1:17 pm

Agree, I do everything to get things the way I want them to



MagicMeerkat
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28 May 2018, 3:39 pm

Yes, all the time.


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naturalplastic
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28 May 2018, 4:43 pm

For a NT authority figure to accuse an autistic kid of being "manipulative" is worse than the pot calling the kettle black. It the pot calling the kettle black at the same time that the pot is brow beating the kettle to become black! Double hypocrisy. And yet that's exactly what autistics get from NT parents and authority figures.

You get scolded from being socially inept, and for being socially isolated (so you don't learn to be street wise by hanging with other kids). And yet your behavior gets misinterpreted as being manipulative. So you get screamed at for being socially inept, AND for having the superhuman skills of manipulation of a savy con artist, at the same time.

Makes your head spin. Enough to make you ask the person "is being 'manipulative' and insult, or compliment?".