I feel like a hypocrite when it comes to boundaries

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I’m very sorry if this comes out wrong but I kinda need help about something. I don’t like when people judge me about missing social cues but I worry I do that to others and would like advice.

My autism is confusing. I’m not exactly high enough to be aspergers or low enough to be considered low functioning but I have been in special ed classes ever since my diagnosis

I have a problem where I get scared or uncomfortable if I meet a boy with who is in a special ed program. When I was in special ed I had gotten groped and harassed multiple times by boys but the teachers would not do anything because the boys would say they liked the texture of my clothes and the teachers said they couldn’t help it. I also had a boy approach me while touching himself but the teachers did nothing because they said he was stimming. All this made me very uncomfortable and very afraid

I am now in college and am struggling because I am too scared to get help from the disabilities program because it involves mandatory group therapy and I do not want to be around boys in special ed. Not specifically because they are special ed but because the teachers don’t tell them to stop they just tell me to deal with it even though they really really upset me and made me feel gross.

I want to stop being afraid of boys who have boundary issues but it has been hard because I don’t feel safe because no one with athourity stops the behavior, even in college I’ve had boys from the program touch me in not ok ways. I feel really bad and guilty like I’m a bigot but I’m just so scared of being hurt again while the people in charge do nothing to help

Can I get input from other boys who have boundary issues so I can try to have more empathy? I don’t want to discriminate. I just am afraid because it happened so many times and no one does anything to stop it. Am I a bigot for being scared?

None of that is your fault. The teachers are just sorry excuses for professionals that should get fired. As for the boys, it might be true with some of them that they don't simply understand what's right and what's wrong, but that doesn't mean they should be allowed to continue.

If the teachers won't do anything to stop the harassment, you need to take things in to your own hands:
When someone touches you, take his hand in a firm grip and move it. If you have sharp nails, digging them to their arms might help. If you have to it's perfectly fine to literally push them away. This is not violence, it's self defence.
If you have no faith in your physical abilities, screaming is also an option. Scream as loud and hard as you can. It could scare the harasser off and if not, it's likely that someone will come see what's wrong. Repeat this as many times as you have to; the teachers should eventually try to do something about it if you're loud enough.
If neither option works or you aren't comfortable with them, calling the police is also something you should try. Even if they don't really understand what they're doing, and there's no quarantee that the boys aren't just using that as an excuse, sexual harassement is still a crime. At least the teachers should take you more seriously after the police has visited a few times.

But of course it's also possible that your new school will have proper teachers and everything will go well.

I've been a teacher for 29 years. Let me start by apologizing for how you have been treated. It's utterly reprehensible that any teacher (special ed or otherwise) would dismiss allegations of sexual harassment (WHICH IS ILLEGAL) because "they couldn't help it."

The "can't help it" defense won't help these kids if they do this to anyone in the real world. They'll wind up in jail and will be forever labeled as sex offenders.

I realize this is after the fact, but in addition to complaining to a teacher (which clearly did not work out), you should have complained to your parents and you and your parents (or just you) could have complained the the principal.

Inappropriate touch is NOT ACCEPTABLE and as a teacher, I am personally embarrassed that your teachers made excuses for sexual harassment. Shame on them!



Approach your counseling department and explain your background. It's possible they could make an exception. It's also possible that group therapy might only involve young women.

Although I understand that you don't trust boys, I would ask that since you're in college, you should make an effort to trust your post-secondary school.

Be well.

Thank you both for the help I am just worried. I don’t want to be sexist or ableist or discriminatory I just get scared.

I did tell my parents but my parents did not support me or want me to go to the police they were afraid I’d get in trouble and make things worse for myself. The school and the police don’t like me because I sometimes i act in self defense if I get too scared I took taekwondo for self defense but I get in trouble for using it and my parents did not want them to take me away because they take me away sometimes in the police car and drive me to the hospital and even when people put their hands on me first if I defend I get sent away so I can’t go that anymore.

I did try to meet with the special ed in the college because my mom said it would be different but it wasn’t different it was the same one of the boys pretended to be nice and look at my drawings but then he touched me when the teacher was out of the room and I got called a “Sexual Deviant” because I told them don’t like the gender I was born in and want to change it and the boy said I should be locked away in Russia because they are not nice to gay and trans people in parts of Russia And the whole class was friends with this boy so they stood up for him. They didn’t like me and targeted me because I need the iPad to help me function at school and they don’t have doctors permission to use iPads so they get mad at me that I have an iPad and they don’t.

That really sucks. It is completely sickening that programs meant to make people feel more comfortable and accomplish more in an academic environment are putting you through this sexual harassment. As for them blaming you or acting like your bringing it upon yourself that's just straight up victim blaming and just as illogical and spineless as any other form of victim blaming. If things are like this at your college, either take it to someone who takes this seriously (I don't know who, maybe advisors or student resources) or transfer (if you want to). Personally, I think transferring is a good idea. This kind of mistreatment is not acceptable and not your fault.

I hope you find a new safer environment and your situation improves.