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Why do people keep telling me I need to start dating?

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Ask_Later
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01 Jun 2018, 12:06 am

BeaArthur wrote:
I will say this, though. Dating, or courting, or finding a partner, is not going to get easier all by itself and probably will get harder as you age, at least if you have never done it.

It's one thing to be inexperienced at 24. It's quite another to be inexperienced at 40.

What are your plans for life? Will you be content to be single forever?



No, not forever, but I'd rather die alone than get catfished or taken advantage of in any other way by someone saying they want to date me who I don't even know in real life.



Ask_Later
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01 Jun 2018, 12:10 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I for example regret that I didn't start trying to date much earlier in life.


For me, it happens when it happens. If people want me to date (unless they're interested, in which case, they'll have to tell me they're interested) they're going to have to introduce me to people in real life before I even consider it.



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03 Jun 2018, 3:53 pm

They're probably just concerned that you may be left behind in life and end up lonely.

And some are probably homophobic and are assuming that if you're not dating girls by now that it may be because you're gay, and if they don't like that possibility, they'll encourage you to date girls.


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03 Jun 2018, 7:32 pm

ConcernedNtHusband wrote:
It's people projecting. They see things from their perspective, and to them they cannot fathom how someone can be happy unless they have a significant other in their life, hence they feel compelled to urge you to find someone. Tell them you're not interested in searching for a partner, and you're fine with things as they are. If they push back, YOU push back and tell them to knock it off.




Yup. Many people think everyone else should be just like themselves. Some even go as far as try to dictate that other's be like them. I don't know how many times I have been asked why I'm single, or if I'm gay. :D



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04 Jun 2018, 9:22 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I for example regret that I didn't start trying to date much earlier in life.


I hear ya. When you are younger, there is a better selection of quality, single women. After you get past 25, or so, most of the good ones have already been snapped up, and are married, with a few kids. There might be a few here and there that are single, or become single later on, but there are usually 50 guys fighting over them lol.



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05 Jun 2018, 9:46 pm

There's nothing wrong with being single and you shouldn't force yourself to date if you don't want to.

It doesn't matter how old you are, 20, 40, 60, it's your life and your choices.

By choosing to stay single however you'll need to accept there may be consequences like there being less single women once you're older or people judging you for your lack of experience. Expect to be asked if you're gay or "why you're 'still' single" past 25.

But if people judge you for your lack of experience that's their problem, not yours.

Experienced also doesn't necessarily mean a good partner. Plenty of experienced people continuously enter unhealthy and short-lived relationships or, worse yet cheat or abuse their partner.

If you actually want a relationship then start looking. Don't wait for it to come to you. Take initiative.

If not be patient, live life and it'll happen when it happens, and if it doesn't then start looking, no matter how "late" it is.



Ask_Later
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13 Aug 2018, 11:31 pm

Here's the thing. As far as dating goes, it is something I want to do at some point, but if it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world. My issue is that people tell me I need to date, but rarely give me helpful advice on how to do so. Then people tell me I should create an account on a dating site. There are two things about this that rub me the wrong way. The first is that you are expected to share personal information with people you've never met in real life before and the second is that meeting people for the sole purpose of seeing if they're worth dating feels kinda shallow to me. I think what I really want is a way of finding potential people without ever touching any kind of dating sites or other forms of arranged dating.



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14 Aug 2018, 8:20 am

SilverStar wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I for example regret that I didn't start trying to date much earlier in life.


I hear ya. When you are younger, there is a better selection of quality, single women. After you get past 25, or so, most of the good ones have already been snapped up, and are married, with a few kids. There might be a few here and there that are single, or become single later on, but there are usually 50 guys fighting over them lol.


There is a twist to this story that I thought I would share:

If you wait until much later in life, the reverse to the above example becomes true. Single (usually widowed) women outnumber the available men because they have longer life expectancies. While visiting an elderly relative, I have witnessed groups of old women verbally and physically fighting over an old man at a nursing home. The targeted man had Alzheimers, fairly rich and was basically barely alive. He was like a prize for them to capture before he passes on in a short time. If you are at that stage in life, will you really care about dating at all?



Ask_Later
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15 Aug 2018, 10:06 am

QuantumChemist wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I for example regret that I didn't start trying to date much earlier in life.


I hear ya. When you are younger, there is a better selection of quality, single women. After you get past 25, or so, most of the good ones have already been snapped up, and are married, with a few kids. There might be a few here and there that are single, or become single later on, but there are usually 50 guys fighting over them lol.


There is a twist to this story that I thought I would share:

If you wait until much later in life, the reverse to the above example becomes true. Single (usually widowed) women outnumber the available men because they have longer life expectancies. While visiting an elderly relative, I have witnessed groups of old women verbally and physically fighting over an old man at a nursing home. The targeted man had Alzheimers, fairly rich and was basically barely alive. He was like a prize for them to capture before he passes on in a short time. If you are at that stage in life, will you really care about dating at all?


What the hell's the point though if you have to wait until you're "barely alive" for anyone to be interested again?



QuantumChemist
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15 Aug 2018, 6:37 pm

Ask_Later wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I for example regret that I didn't start trying to date much earlier in life.


I hear ya. When you are younger, there is a better selection of quality, single women. After you get past 25, or so, most of the good ones have already been snapped up, and are married, with a few kids. There might be a few here and there that are single, or become single later on, but there are usually 50 guys fighting over them lol.


There is a twist to this story that I thought I would share:

If you wait until much later in life, the reverse to the above example becomes true. Single (usually widowed) women outnumber the available men because they have longer life expectancies. While visiting an elderly relative, I have witnessed groups of old women verbally and physically fighting over an old man at a nursing home. The targeted man had Alzheimers, fairly rich and was basically barely alive. He was like a prize for them to capture before he passes on in a short time. If you are at that stage in life, will you really care about dating at all?


What the hell's the point though if you have to wait until you're "barely alive" for anyone to be interested again?


There really is no point, it just happens that way naturally. I like to think that it is one of life's greatest ironies.



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15 Aug 2018, 6:46 pm

Ask_Later wrote:
I'm currently in my 20s and still haven't dated anyone. Mostly because I've never had reliable enough evidence that anyone was interested and I don't feel like asking out anyone who I don't think is interested. Which is fine. As long as I don't have to deal with friends blowing me off for their significant others, I'm basically content like this. The thing is, other people are saying that I need to start dating. And while I'm not opposed to the idea, I also keep hearing that usually the man needs to be the one who initiates that they're interested. I'm not going to ask anyone if they're interested if all I get is subtle hints that might be misleading anyways, and that's assuming I pick up on them(which I usually don't). The frustrating thing is that a lot of the time, when people say I need to start dating, the first thing they say is that I should start an account on some kind of dating account. If I haven't had this conversation with the person before, I'll tell them that dating sites (and the entire idea of meeting a person for the sole purpose of seeing if I want to date them) creeps me out. This is fine, if they don't know that I'm uncomfortable with dating sites, but sometimes people who know this still insist that I need to start using them. And they're the ones saying I should start dating.

Sorry about the rambling, but I guess my question is, why do people keep saying I need to start dating if most of the time, their first suggestion is something they know I'm not comfortable doing?


What they're saying is that people are showing very real interest in you and you're ignoring them. You can fix ignorant. Go do that. Currently you're being laughed at by the men and the women show frustration. Eventually the interest will dry up and in years to come you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking and why did you miss X hints.

Best of luck to you.



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15 Aug 2018, 6:50 pm

Peacesells wrote:
Daniel89 wrote:
Honestly I think its a good sign, it means people think you are datable.

Wait a minute, to me they keep telling that I need to see hookers. :?


Get yourself on Reddit. Tidy yourself up, get some interests, learn to cook, learn charisma. If they're telling you this they're telling you that having sex with you would be a chore. There's probably loads wrong with you that you could very well fix.

The Italians are sexy people. You can be a sexy Italian like them, just straighten yourself out.



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15 Aug 2018, 6:52 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
I will say this, though. Dating, or courting, or finding a partner, is not going to get easier all by itself and probably will get harder as you age, at least if you have never done it.

It's one thing to be inexperienced at 24. It's quite another to be inexperienced at 40.

What are your plans for life? Will you be content to be single forever?


I'm a 30-year-old virgin. I have no experience through no fault of my own; but by the time I have sex, people will think I bloody well do.



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19 Aug 2018, 11:15 am

Ask_Later wrote:
I'm currently in my 20s and still haven't dated anyone. Mostly because I've never had reliable enough evidence that anyone was interested and I don't feel like asking out anyone who I don't think is interested. Which is fine. As long as I don't have to deal with friends blowing me off for their significant others, I'm basically content like this. The thing is, other people are saying that I need to start dating. And while I'm not opposed to the idea, I also keep hearing that usually the man needs to be the one who initiates that they're interested. I'm not going to ask anyone if they're interested if all I get is subtle hints that might be misleading anyways, and that's assuming I pick up on them(which I usually don't). The frustrating thing is that a lot of the time, when people say I need to start dating, the first thing they say is that I should start an account on some kind of dating account. If I haven't had this conversation with the person before, I'll tell them that dating sites (and the entire idea of meeting a person for the sole purpose of seeing if I want to date them) creeps me out. This is fine, if they don't know that I'm uncomfortable with dating sites, but sometimes people who know this still insist that I need to start using them. And they're the ones saying I should start dating.

Sorry about the rambling, but I guess my question is, why do people keep saying I need to start dating if most of the time, their first suggestion is something they know I'm not comfortable doing?


Because people like to meddle and want to muscle in on your business. Because people like to get others to subscribe to perceived social norms'.

Something to talk to you about? "Hey, dude, get a goddamn girlfriend, you disinterested jerk."



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19 Aug 2018, 11:20 am

I allowed my special interests and other pursuits to give me a meager income for decades while only tangentially working on my relationships. I was dumped 10 times and haven't had a date in almost 20 years.

The biggest reason you should want to date is because you don't want to be single and facing turning 60 years of age soon, like me. It sucks. :|


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