How common are female aspies who haven't dated yet?

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biostructure
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21 Jun 2018, 9:12 pm

I probably have asked this a long time ago in some form, but I'm far behind in dating for my chronological age, due not to JUST AS, but also chronic health issues. I find most women my age very romantically jaded and jaded on life in general--I wouldn't even want to date most of them if I could. I still feel like a teenager, in terms of what I want a relationship to be, and in terms of the "vibe" I want to get from my partner.

How often do female aspies stay childlike well into their adulthood in terms of their level of dating experience, and what they want in a boyfriend?



yellowtamarin
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21 Jun 2018, 9:26 pm

I don't know.

For me though, I have plenty of experience, but am still childlike in the sense that I don't want/need to "progress" things in a relationship. That is, I have no interest in cohabiting, sharing finances, marrying, or having babies. A relationship for me is mostly about sharing minds and having fun.

Not sure if that's at all what you meant.



biostructure
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21 Jun 2018, 11:25 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
I don't know.

For me though, I have plenty of experience, but am still childlike in the sense that I don't want/need to "progress" things in a relationship. That is, I have no interest in cohabiting, sharing finances, marrying, or having babies. A relationship for me is mostly about sharing minds and having fun.

Not sure if that's at all what you meant.


The "sharing minds and having fun" part and not "progressing things" as you put it is definitely what I would want out of a relationship too. Your post gives me hope that I might be able to find that even in someone who has dated before.

But as far as this thread, I WAS wondering about women who not only are still at that stage of not wanting/needing to progress, but haven't yet managed to experience that "sharing minds and having fun" with someone of the opposite sex (or with whatever sex they are attracted to), because nobody has ever been interested, all those who were did want to move in and share finances and those things, or any other number of reasons. In other words, how many don't even know yet what a relationship is like?



RetroGamer87
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22 Jun 2018, 1:23 am

Some of my ex girlfriends were childlike into their late 20s and early 30s.


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TheSpectrum
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22 Jun 2018, 6:20 am

They would be classed as Legendary Pokemon.
"A wild NODATES appeared!"


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The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Jun 2018, 6:26 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
They would be classed as Legendary Pokemon.
"A wild NODATES appeared!"


A male Nodates would be as common as Rattata tho.



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22 Jun 2018, 7:00 am

I have the best pokemon related joke, and it fits this thread perfectly.

A WILD MISSINGNO APPEARS. GET IT? MISSING NUMBER? :o :o :o :o :D



NorthWind
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22 Jun 2018, 8:19 am

biostructure wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
I don't know.

For me though, I have plenty of experience, but am still childlike in the sense that I don't want/need to "progress" things in a relationship. That is, I have no interest in cohabiting, sharing finances, marrying, or having babies. A relationship for me is mostly about sharing minds and having fun.

Not sure if that's at all what you meant.


The "sharing minds and having fun" part and not "progressing things" as you put it is definitely what I would want out of a relationship too. Your post gives me hope that I might be able to find that even in someone who has dated before.

But as far as this thread, I WAS wondering about women who not only are still at that stage of not wanting/needing to progress, but haven't yet managed to experience that "sharing minds and having fun" with someone of the opposite sex (or with whatever sex they are attracted to), because nobody has ever been interested, all those who were did want to move in and share finances and those things, or any other number of reasons. In other words, how many don't even know yet what a relationship is like?


I think compatibility in what you expect from a relationship and where you want it to go is more important than whether someone has dated before or not. I've not really dated but that does not mean that I'd want a potential relationship to remain a 'teenager' kind of relationship forever. Not having had a relationship before can be an indication of at what pace you want it to progress and I'd assume you might feel different about your first relationship than about your 50th but it may not be the best predictor for where you want it to go. I feel too young for my age in some ways but not in others.

I know 3 aspie women (two only online, one in real life) who are childlike in a lot more ways than I am and all three of them lack dating experience (two are early 20s one is late 20s). However, while they'd definitely want a 'teenager' kind of relationship if any at all, it's probably more early teenage years than the relationship you have in mind. Two of them are asexual and the third seems to be insecure about sex. I don't have any statistics on it, but this staying very childlike and being asexual might be correlated in aspie women.



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Jun 2018, 8:22 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I have the best pokemon related joke, and it fits this thread perfectly.

A WILD MISSINGNO APPEARS. GET IT? MISSING NUMBER? :o :o :o :o :D




amykitten
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22 Jun 2018, 8:54 am

Not sure as all the ones I met generally have kids, so I presumed they dated. And I've more or less always had a boyfriend since the age of 9 and I'm currently 32. Breaks of course as finding someone to put up with me long term is hard, or if they don't intellectually bore me. But I haven't grown up and speaking to many friends in generally they don't. Even my NT ones are more into the same things they were as a kid. I think they are better at adulting, but most still want to buy unicorns and wear character underwear.



rdos
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22 Jun 2018, 9:36 am

I think I want things to progress much slower than the typical NT, but I'm not comfortable with no progress at all. So, while the typical NT wants things to have progressed to a relationship after say half-a-year, I'm comfortable if that hasn't happened after five years as long as things still progress. I think this is not uncommon for ND females. At least a few I know are comfortable with this scenario unless pressured by others.



rdos
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22 Jun 2018, 9:45 am

NorthWind wrote:
Two of them are asexual and the third seems to be insecure about sex. I don't have any statistics on it, but this staying very childlike and being asexual might be correlated in aspie women.


Asexuality, especially among ND women, is related (even caused by) disliking the typical courtship & sexual behavior of NTs. So, it is not childlike that is correlated to it, rather a strong dislike for dating and sex as a bonding mechanism. Which probably also is why they haven't dated.



kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2018, 9:46 am

I always say....you only live once.

Imagine me, at age 57, having to "wait" 6 months for even the semblance of a relationship to commence? I'd be dead by the time it progresses to the "full monty."



rdos
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22 Jun 2018, 10:04 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I always say....you only live once.

Imagine me, at age 57, having to "wait" 6 months for even the semblance of a relationship to commence? I'd be dead by the time it progresses to the "full monty."


But the courtship part is so much better than being in a regular relationship. Obsessing about them, dreaming about them, trying to meet & communicate with them, and trying to figure out their personality, interests, and preferences is so much more exciting than being in a relationship. And that is independent of your age, unless you are desperate, of course.



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22 Jun 2018, 10:10 am

I love the final stab where he says that you're desperate unless you act like a 15 years old.