We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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rick42
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04 Jul 2018, 10:49 am

Personally I see no point. Part of having AS/Autism is the inability to make friends or have romantic relationships.Myself is guilty for trying.Over the last 15 years,I have asked out many women out on dates(including Aspie women),and every single one of them rejected me.For over 25 years,I have tried to get to know people and be friends with them,but that failed as well.Over the last week or so.I have realize that it's simply close to impossible for a Aspies,especially Aspie males to have friends or be in relationships.Besides having any friends/relationship is a NT/non Aspie thing anyway.The fact is that Aspies are just not meant to have any friends/relationships and I have began to realize this reality and hopefully other Aspies come to realization that friendships/relationships are simply not meant for us .



Last edited by rick42 on 04 Jul 2018, 11:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

HistoryGal
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04 Jul 2018, 10:59 am

Yeah I hear ya as someone who is not Aspie but just hfa...we got a lot in common. I appreciate what you are saying.

I have friends but not close. I'm left out of most stuff.



ladyelaine
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04 Jul 2018, 11:06 am

I am an epic failure at making friends too. I find it pointless to try and cultivate friendships with people because I never get beyond the acquaintance stage with anyone and even that dies out after awhile and we go back to being strangers. I have never had any luck with dating either. Guys just want to hook up with as many people as possible and I don't do hook ups.



rick42
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04 Jul 2018, 11:16 am

ladyelaine wrote:
I am an epic failure at making friends too. I find it pointless to try and cultivate friendships with people because I never get beyond the acquaintance stage with anyone and even that dies out after awhile and we go back to being strangers. I have never had any luck with dating either. Guys just want to hook up with as many people as possible and I don't do hook ups.



Same with me as well.People that I know tend to go back to being complete strangers.Even a lot of my family members became strangers overtime.It's just a reality for us Aspies.



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04 Jul 2018, 11:26 am

rick42 wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
I am an epic failure at making friends too. I find it pointless to try and cultivate friendships with people because I never get beyond the acquaintance stage with anyone and even that dies out after awhile and we go back to being strangers. I have never had any luck with dating either. Guys just want to hook up with as many people as possible and I don't do hook ups.



Same with me as well.People that I know tend to go back to being complete strangers.Even a lot of my family members became strangers overtime.It's just a reality for us Aspies.


I don't exist to my extended family. Everything revolves around my mom's sister and her cousins. My parents were pretty much rejected by their families.



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04 Jul 2018, 12:48 pm

rick42 wrote:
Personally I see no point. Part of having AS/Autism is the inability to make friends or have romantic relationships.Myself is guilty for trying.Over the last 15 years,I have asked out many women out on dates(including Aspie women),and every single one of them rejected me.For over 25 years,I have tried to get to know people and be friends with them,but that failed as well.Over the last week or so.I have realize that it's simply close to impossible for a Aspies,especially Aspie males to have friends or be in relationships.Besides having any friends/relationship is a NT/non Aspie thing anyway.The fact is that Aspies are just not meant to have any friends/relationships and I have began to realize this reality and hopefully other Aspies come to realization that friendships/relationships are simply not meant for us .


That is not true because: I have friends on the spectrum and know friends on the spectrum who have other friends with Asperger's. Do I struggle yes.

If you want someone to talk to, please send me a private message if you are looking for a friend



rick42
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04 Jul 2018, 1:55 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
rick42 wrote:
Personally I see no point. Part of having AS/Autism is the inability to make friends or have romantic relationships.Myself is guilty for trying.Over the last 15 years,I have asked out many women out on dates(including Aspie women),and every single one of them rejected me.For over 25 years,I have tried to get to know people and be friends with them,but that failed as well.Over the last week or so.I have realize that it's simply close to impossible for a Aspies,especially Aspie males to have friends or be in relationships.Besides having any friends/relationship is a NT/non Aspie thing anyway.The fact is that Aspies are just not meant to have any friends/relationships and I have began to realize this reality and hopefully other Aspies come to realization that friendships/relationships are simply not meant for us .


That is not true because: I have friends on the spectrum and know friends on the spectrum who have other friends with Asperger's. Do I struggle yes.

If you want someone to talk to, please send me a private message if you are looking for a friend


To me it's true.Lets be honest.Not every Aspie person will be able to find another Aspie person to be friends or have romantic relationships with.I even been rejected by Aspie Women when it comes to dates and they would ether be rude, or say some like"I'm too busy for a relationship".I have come to realization that I will be forever a complete loner with no girlfriend,no friends,etc and this is reality for most Aspies.



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04 Jul 2018, 2:42 pm

I've always had problems making friends & I mostly just had friends while I was in skewl or working. I only have one friend(he's my former supervisor) & we only see each other about 1ce a year since I moved & we barely text each other. That reminds me I should text him to let him know I'll be coming down to visit my parents in a couple weeks. Anyways... as for as romantic relationships go, I have two exes & a current girlfriend but the ladder two are on the spectrum. My 1st girlfriend had dyslexia, ADHD, & alittle OCD & I have those things as well so we really connected. I struggled majorly to get a relationship thou when I was single & I was trying for about 8 years. I had no luck but bad offline & no luck on dating sites. I met all 3 of my girlfriends on forums. I made LOTS of posts about being lonely, the way I am in a realtionship with my partner, what I have to offer a partner & what I want in a partner. I'm kind of unique with those things & all 3 of my girlfriends were unique too. I don't think it's impossible for us Aspies to have relationships but the trick is finding those people who are willing to give us a chance.


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04 Jul 2018, 3:01 pm

Not impossible.....just extremely difficult.



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04 Jul 2018, 5:04 pm

Bigger than making friends for me is dating because there was a time in my life when I would have liked that but never really had that chance. Like you, I had guys that I had set my heart on and they were not as interested as I was. I got burned out after letting the guy on the spectrum go because I kept jerking me around.

I do get attracted to men but it seems like I keep attracting the sketchy kind which I am not interested in.



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04 Jul 2018, 7:14 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Bigger than making friends for me is dating because there was a time in my life when I would have liked that but never really had that chance. Like you, I had guys that I had set my heart on and they were not as interested as I was. I got burned out after letting the guy on the spectrum go because I kept jerking me around.

I do get attracted to men but it seems like I keep attracting the sketchy kind which I am not interested in.


I seem to attract men who want to cheat on their wives with me or guys that want to screw every girl in town.



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05 Jul 2018, 5:05 am

I respectfully disagree. Just because we're Aspies doesn't mean we're any less deserving of having people we can trust in our lives - whether they're partners or mere friends - than anyone else.

I for one have met some great people with whom I've become good friends, albeit those people are fairly few. That and I let those friendships form naturally instead of actively pursuing them. I think that's a big deciding factor when it comes to interpersonal relationships - NTs especially tend to be put off if they sense the least bit of desperation.


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05 Jul 2018, 8:40 am

It's not about deserving....it's about having. Yes, NTs can smell desperation.



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05 Jul 2018, 9:36 am

I will continue to make and have friends. While it may be more difficult for me than for an NT, that does not mean that I 'should' give up and become a recluse, especially on the say-so of a stranger who can't get a date.


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rick42
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05 Jul 2018, 3:31 pm

I think the problem with many of Aspies,including myself is not realizing that the huge part about having Aspergers/Autism is the inability to make peer related relationships(friendships,romantic relationships,etc).Since last week,after trying and failing for so many years when it comes to Romantic relationships/friendships,I have faced the harsh and sad reality that Aspies are just not mean't to have friends or Romantic partners.I believe we a Aspies are like the lone Wolf,often times not becasue we want to,but due to rejection,being bulled,and being excluded due to be completely different compared to everyone else.The quicker that we accept that friendships/romantic relationships are not for a huge majority of people with Autism/Aspergers,the less of a chance that we end having depression, sadness, or feeling Withdrawn.