Living with parents kind of puts the kibosh on dating?

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BeaArthur
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19 Jul 2018, 12:18 am

I see people living with one or both parents wanting a girlfriend/boyfriend, pretty often on here.

To me, that would be something of a deal-breaker. Do you agree?


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hurtloam
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19 Jul 2018, 12:39 am

No. Things have changed Bea. The economic situation of many young people and the high cost of housing means that many can't find affordable housing.

I've known of a few couples around me getting together even though both or one of them are living with parents.



Spiderpig
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19 Jul 2018, 12:49 am

On the other hand, parents have every right not to let you date as long as you live at their home or depend on them in any other way.


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yellowtamarin
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19 Jul 2018, 12:50 am

Nah not a dealbreaker, just not ideal.



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19 Jul 2018, 12:58 am

this f*****g god forsaken idiotic moronic stupid pointless boring town is so expensive, you pretty much have no choice but to live with your parents or have at least 4 roommates.



but people here are still entitled and think it's a dealbreaker. i live with my folks and am trying to escape but it's just not feasible since nobody will take me in and i can't earn enough.


i don't understand it.


this is a bad time to grow up in and i don't care what anyone says.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jul 2018, 1:09 am

Only in the West, Bea, only in the West: viewtopic.php?t=325553



The West's economies changed though , only the 'living with parent' stigma remains.



hurtloam
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19 Jul 2018, 2:06 am

Spiderpig wrote:
On the other hand, parents have every right not to let you date as long as you live at their home or depend on them in any other way.


Maybe my parents are just laid back, but I don't see why parents would do that. They don't know who you're with when you're outside the home. Yeah ok I haven't told my Mum about the guy I'm seeing at the moment even though I don't live with her, but I don't want to a) get her hopes up or b) worry her, but they'd never refuse to let me date.



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19 Jul 2018, 3:44 am

Spiderpig wrote:
On the other hand, parents have every right not to let you date as long as you live at their home or depend on them in any other way.


I respectfully disagree. Parents shouldn't be so protective of their kids as to not let them do as they wish once they turn 18 - although in all fairness, I do think some supervision is still acceptable so that they don't kill themselves with alcohol overdose or AIDS.


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isloth
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19 Jul 2018, 5:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Only in the West, Bea, only in the West: viewtopic.php?t=325553

The West's economies changed though , only the 'living with parent' stigma remains.


That is absolutely correct. "Living with parents" or in "mom's basement" is still ridiculed as the epitome of failure, especially on the internet, and yet it is more and more common.

In answer to the topic of this thread, I don't think it does at all, there is an infinite amount of perfectly good reasons why someone would live with their parents and it's always better than someone in a terrible mental state alone. However, I don't really see it possible for myself to be able to date while I still live with my parents, I've lived alone before, but I'm still caught up in the societal judgement I feel even if I know it is stupid :( .


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Last edited by isloth on 19 Jul 2018, 5:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

hale_bopp
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19 Jul 2018, 5:37 am

It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me unless the guy didn’t want to be independent. If it’s just a means to an end, it’s not that bad.



kraftiekortie
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19 Jul 2018, 5:56 am

That’s why I moved from my mother’s house.

I just couldn’t take living with her. She had rules about me taking girlfriends into our home.



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19 Jul 2018, 6:42 am

hurtloam wrote:
Maybe my parents are just laid back, but I don't see why parents would do that.


Because they can.

hurtloam wrote:
They don't know who you're with when you're outside the home.


They do if you have no social life, money of your own or time to go anywhere but where you strictly need to and right back. Besides, they have every right to forbid you to have any of the three, trapping you in a nice catch-22. Like bullies and teachers, parents can ruin your life if they want to, so you'd better be very grateful forever if they choose not to.

But extremes notwithstanding, anyone can set whatever rules they want in exchange for anything, like their house or their money. It's up to you to make sure they don't catch you in breach of their rules, by not breaking them in the first place---and hoping they don't change them retroactively---or otherwise.

hurtloam wrote:
Yeah ok I haven't told my Mum about the guy I'm seeing at the moment even though I don't live with her, but I don't want to a) get her hopes up or b) worry her, but they'd never refuse to let me date.


Well, different tastes for different people. Mine never saw any need for me to complicate my life and theirs by dating, so they never approved of it clearly or for long enough to do anything. Therefore, I had to wait to become independent before I could do anything that might remotely lead me to date someone. I don't consider myself independent in my current, pathetic situation, so I keep waiting for a chance to look for a chance to look for a chance to break free, though I know it's a safe bet I'll never make it.

whatamievendoing wrote:
I respectfully disagree.


There's nothing respectful about questioning other people's rights. Challenge them at your own peril.

whatamievendoing wrote:
Parents shouldn't be so protective of their kids as to not let them do as they wish once they turn 18 - although in all fairness, I do think some supervision is still acceptable so that they don't kill themselves with alcohol overdose or AIDS.


There are no shoulds here. As independent adult citizens, parents can be whatever way they want. They don't have to give a crap about benefitting their adult children, who have no right to stay on their property, so if whatever rules they choose to let the children stay under harm the latter, tough! Don't like it? Have the courage to go fend for yourself and don't come back.


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19 Jul 2018, 8:02 am

No shame in living with parents as long as you aren’t sponging off them. As long as my kids are actively contributing, they can stay all they want. Move their families in, too. I think it would be cool.

But if that happens, I don’t wanna lift one finger to do anything. They will clean, prep meals, and split bills above $150 for electricity and above $50 for water. If they run bills up, I don’t HAVE to keep paying. Let them turn off the power. I know how to live with heat. If it gets unpleasant enough for them, they can find their own resources to turn the lights back on or they can move out.

And no, I won’t tolerate anything I find morally objectionable.

We are already training our young children to be independent. We don’t really foresee any problems. But should there be, we already know how we’ll handle it.

What worries me about some WP members and others with disabilities WP members have tried to date is that they are mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically unable to live away from their parents. That’s not a control issue. That’s a saving your life/keeping others safe from you issue. That doesn’t apply to MOST of us, but there have been the rare few that I suspect are incapable of living outside their childhood home. I understand how frustrating that can be. In those rare cases it’s much better than the alternative.



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19 Jul 2018, 8:05 am

hurtloam wrote:
No. Things have changed Bea. The economic situation of many young people and the high cost of housing means that many can't find affordable housing.

I've known of a few couples around me getting together even though both or one of them are living with parents.


Sex might be a problem.



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19 Jul 2018, 8:23 am

BeaArthur wrote:
I see people living with one or both parents wanting a girlfriend/boyfriend, pretty often on here. To me, that would be something of a deal-breaker. Do you agree?
Yes. More so if the man lives with his parents than if the woman lives with hers. Men are expected to be independent; but if they live with their parents, then that greatly implies that they are dependent on their parents for food, clothing, and shelter (maybe also money). It also implies a lack of maturity and a certain measure of financial irresponsibility. Also:

• One of the first places a newly-divorced person might live in is a parent's house.

• One of the first places a newly-released ex-convict might live in while on parole is a parent's house.

• Practically the only place where a mentally-challenged or socially-inept person can live is in a parent's house.

So a person who is way past college age and who moves in and lives with his or her parents is very likely to be perceived in a negative way. Then, of course, there is also the privacy issue ... it's kinda hard to get romantic with an FWB or a spouse when the parents are sleeping in the next room.


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Tequila
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19 Jul 2018, 8:37 am

Quote:
Practically the only place where a mentally-challenged or socially-inept person can live is in a parent's house.


I beg your pardon?!