Any autistic parents out there?

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Hi everyone. I was diagnosed as high functioning autistic a few years ago at the age of 36. I'm a dad of 2 young kids, 4 and 7.

As they grow older and require more and more mental and social stimulation I am finding it harder and harder to help provide what they need. This is heartbreaking for me and it is clearly something my kids pick up on.

My wife is incredible with them and can provide all sorts of social activities that I simply can't. So although I'm happy my kids are getting what they need from my wife, it still hurts that I am feeling less and less like a good or capable parent.

Has anyone else found this?

I know at the end of the day my kids are getting most of what they need through our family set up, but I just long to feel like I am contributing to a positive atmosphere and can parent better than I currently feel I am.

Cheers.

Hello. I have not been officially diagnosed at this point but suspect I'm HFA. I'm a father to three. Could you elaborate on how you think you're falling short? Examples?

Does your wife "keep the peace" between your kids or do you mediate their fights/disagreements more often?

Thanks for the reply. For example, I see the other kids in the area all get together while the various parents spend time with each other. I know my kids enjoy doing this, but are not comfortable doing it without me being there, yet I'm not comfortable being there or tend to not be invited (nothing mean). I will push myself into these situations for the sake of the kids but they are smart enough to know I'm not comfortable and they act accordingly.

My wife on the other hand has loads of friends and when on holiday (she's a teacher) she and her friends get together for various activities with their kids and my kids have a wonderful time. There is a marked difference in their attitudes and behaviour after days with my wife, compared to days with me.

I also struggle to spot when tensions are growing and how to diffuse the situation, which my wife can see clearly and can find frustrating when tensions boil over with the kids as I have been unable to distract/help them.

Hope that makes sense.

Go to Parents Discussion in the "Coping in Life" section of the forum, for lots of discussion with other parents.

Because there is a hereditary contribution in autism, it often happens that parents and children may both be on the spectrum. Learn all you can. You can do this.