Family members with dementia?

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I'll admit that I've had problems in social situations. That's just part of my ASD. But recently someone with no known neurological abnormalities that is close to me has started to exibit some. It is a complicated relationship, but she is my "mother in law." Not by marriage. Long ago my Fiance and I became romantically involved, and his mother accepted it and not only that but adopted me into the family. My fiance has since unfortunately passed away, but his mother still accepts me as one of her sons.

Don't get me wrong, I will always love my lost fiance, as well as his mom, which I accept as just another of my own, and will always do my part in taking as best care of her as I am capable, but I think she is showing the early signs of dementia. Memory loss, slow cognition, irrational conversation(incomprehensible sentences, seeming loss of short term memory). Although I am trained as a home heath provider I have no formal medical training. In other words, if she were to forget to breathe(a very real possibility as an elderly patient with her conditions), I would not know what to do besides CPR and calling an ambulance.

She seems to forget small details about things and events that she has just encountered, and any time I remind her of such events shes gets hostile. I guess I might too, expecting that one thing occurred, when it is totally different in reality(or the reality of others).

In short, I am at a loss. This community has always been a first line of alert and knowledge to me. Of course I have always seeked the help of someone/people trained in the feild that I'm interested/need help in, but, I suppose I am asking for adivce here because I have come to trust this community. The people that I have met here are thoughtful and willing to help others for the most part, which is rare on the online presence now.

In short, I am asking if anyone out there has experienced a similar situation(if they have served an elderly person suffering from dementia like I am now?) If so, what have you done about it?

Secondary questions that you might answer but don't have to could include if the dementia situation has gotten any better? Are there any tricks that I could use that don't involve intensive social psychology(I suck at just about any social situations...), and how can I make my mother-inlaw's life better as time goes on?

I know this is a long post, with lots of hard questions, but I also know there are quite a few smart, supportive people here. Not just that, but thank you for all for sharing your honest opinions. I appricieate every one!

My late grandmother suffered dementia for 11 years before she died, but her death was due to old age, not the dementia itself.

We got her assessed as soon as she was showing noticeable signs, like forgetting her usual walking routes, forgetting to pay for things in shops, getting everybody two Christmas cards each, and repeating what she has just said. The earlier the diagnosis, the better.
Unfortunately dementia cannot to cured, but it can be treated to prolong the process for as long as possible, giving the patient a good 10-15 years of life before the dementia takes over the whole brain. My grandmother was given meds to slow down the dementia, but I forgotten what it was called. But you can discuss this with the doctor.

She could no longer do things for herself like cooking, shopping and even washing herself, although she was physically able. But doing these everyday things became rocket science to her. You could still have a conversation with her, but over the years the conversations became narrower. But she was still loving.

Everybody with dementia are different. My grandmother was rather easy. But some dementia patients can get aggressive. If things do get out of hand, you can get support, depending on your loved one's needs.

I probably haven't answered your question properly but I hope it still helps.

I have heard of people getting better when someone took the time to figure out their medications.

My great grandmother does, but she doesn't get mad at people and she seems actually pretty content with it, though she forgot that my dad is dead and forgot that my brother exists, and doesn't realize my grandma is her daughter.

And she lives across the country so thinking about it, this likely is little to no help.

As a non-blood relative, your best recourse is to discuss the situation with her sons. Everything Joe90 said was spot on, but she didn't mention the family angle. Essentially you'll have to convince the sons to have her evaluated in a geriatrics clinic, you can say it is just to make sure all her systems are in good shape which is something that is often missed by a general practitioner.

You can't do much else, due to your lack of a formal relationship with this woman. If the sons refuse, you might be able to have a social services worker pay a visit and do an informal assessment, which at least gets this lady on their radar.

There are other causes of mental confusion besides dementia. For example, certain vitamin deficiencies or thyroid disorders can mimic it. Even depression can sometimes be confused with dementia.

Good luck, and bless you for the concern you are showing.

My uncle had early onset Alzheimer. His sister got it as an elderly woman and was given medicine, that had a short lived effect. Their father, my granddad, got Alzheimer - or some dementia in an old age - so my cousin and I were quite alarmed - until we leaned, that the hereditive risk is smaller than the statistic coincidence.
Of course, I am worried for myself, because I have ADHD and a brain pattern, that shows signs of long hard stress.
A psychologist told me, that I have highly reduced executive functions - which, I now acknowledge, that he was somewhat right about. (I guess, he had a bit of ADHD himself).
I suppose, this puts me in the risk-zone.
He told me so, and, as I have come to know a bit more about executive functions, I am a bit worried.
I must work on calming down and keeping a relaxed schedule - no shifts - all regularity and space for creative work.

Here are some suggestions.

As individuals grow old, their bones become fragile especially women. When they fall, they can fracture their hip or other bones. They may be unable to reach a phone. There is a senior medical alert system that can be installed into her home that can alert first responders if she needs immediate help. Generally these systems have a necklace or bracelet with a button that she can push if she needs help.

If she is mobile and still drives, you might consider a mobile system with GPS. So she can get help from anywhere. Even if she gets lost, this system can help you find out her exact location. Provided she has the device on her. (You might even attach it to her car keyring)

Sometimes people can develop a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). Women are at greater risk than men. This can really affect their state of mind. In my mothers case, anytime she became forgetful or irrational, I would immediately have her tested for this infection. Nine times out of ten, that would be the cause, she would be treated with antibiotics and then she quickly returned to her normal state of mind.

She should have a "health care power of attorney" set up by a lawyer. The health care power of attorney is a document in which she would designate someone to be your representative, or agent, in the event she is unable to make or communicate decisions about all aspects of your health care. It should be someone physically close to her in distance. Perhaps one of her children that lives nearby. If she is taken by ambulance to the hospital, this document is somewhat crucial in directing her care.

If she is on Medicare, she may qualify for home health care. This can be a great asset.

Sometimes when people get older their eyesight begins to fail. If she has a landline phone, there are telephones designed for older folks that have larger buttons and which speak the numbers to her as she dials them. Some have emergency numbers that can be programmed in. My mother had such a difficult time trying to call me, until I bought her one of these by Vtech. She had a large base phone and then a small necklace around her neck. The necklace had two numbers "1" and "2". So all she had to do to call me sitting on the couch was press the number 1 on the back of the pendant and it would call my phone.

As people get old, bill paying can become a problem. Because of poor eyesight, shaking hands and forgetfulness, checks that she wrote became illegible, incomplete or she may even forget to pay them and the bills become lost somewhere in the house. Therefore it is good if she can have as many of her bills paid automatically from her checking/savings account as possible. As her condition digresses, one of her sons may have to come forward and assume financial power of attorney and manage the bills.

Many seniors take prescription medicine. There are pill organizers that can cover a week or two of medicine. It can be important for someone else to fill these containers with her medicine and then make sure she is taking it. Seniors can easily lose track and then this can affect their clarity of mind.