Self Doubt.

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This feeling comes along similar to sadness and guilt along with irrational self hating thoughts. When I did fall for my girl at the start of the relationship I was suicidal however she lifted me out of it but its like parts of it is permanently stuck to me. I feel sometimes worthless, other times unattractive but then as soon as I get to talk to her all of that goes, I don't get a single doubt in my mind but then she goes and then it comes back. I would live with this but I worry if its annoying her because the thoughts get stronger and stronger and so I start calling her just to try and end those thoughts. Not to mention it must toll on her to keep dealing with my crap. When I did bring it up to her she began to blame her self. I told her it wasn't, and it really isn't her. I don't know what to do. I just want to be the best for her.

It sounds a lot like depression. Get some therapy. The best therapy for depression combines both medication and talk therapy. However, you can start with just one of those if you like, and add the other if you need further relief.

Yeah therapy would be good again. I'm 18 though so would I have to pay?

How would I know? I don't know your location, family status, etc. In the US, it is becoming more common to provide mental health help (such as therapy) in whatever health plan you have. Where do you go if you are sick?

I was like that in my 1st two relationships. I became very controlling & demanding as a result which caused both relationships to fall apart. Some of it for me is because of depression which is abit better nowadays & some of it was OCD which is better than what it was due to medication. The problems aren't as bad in my current relationship because of the meds & because she's also kind of needy & clingy due to depression & anxiety so we're around each other a lot.