Cousin and others tell me they don't want me to have a gf

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I want you to find a nice girl, Marknis.

None of these means "I don't want you to have a girlfriend". What they do mean is that the speakers are cruel and just want to see you get hurt.

Do You Understand?

A girlfriend isn't needed to by happy in life. That's because there's more to life than women and sex and marriage and all that crap.

I am becoming 99 years old next year and I never had a girlfriend or sex. I never even had a date with anyone of the opposite sex.

The most important thing in life is to love yourself and spend quality time with yourself and do good things for yourself because if you don't love yourself first then no one else will.

Maybe for you . Everyone’s different.

Are you really 98 years old, Uri?

I, do, too, Marknis. Very much.

Which is why I keep trying to stop you from self-sabotaging on this.

The best way to GET a girlfriend is to decide that you do not NEED a girlfriend. How many people have to tell you the exact same thing before you stop misunderstanding what they are trying to tell you?

I've really wanted to post about finally getting a girlfriend; Alliekit said she would make a celebatory thread for me if it happened but she's most likely never coming back. I really don't enjoy feeling depressed and unhappy.



There are some people here who have told me to f**k off such as Luhluhluh, jrjones, and Piobaire. That pretty much means they don't want me to have a girlfriend because they've made it clear they don't like me.

Those are still horrible things to say and that sort of behavior should not be condoned. I've wanted to prove those jerks wrong but I haven't been able to besides once in my life and if they saw me today, they would say "See? Told you! You are a loser!" while I would still have nothing to say back to them.

Your problem is your misinterpretations of comments that have no subtle or subliminal meaning. Someone not liking you doesn't mean they don't want you to have a girlfriend, maybe they would rather you get one so they won't have to hear you complain anymore.

This year has gone great for me, but before it did I hated myself and my life and was filled with negativity. But I decided to change all that by putting in some work. Yes, it took a lot of effort, but guess what happened? Life got better, in ways besides but also including love.
You've got to try, and you won't succeed everytime, but you keep at it and you'll find success. This particular problem is easy to fix: someone said something mean. So screw them and move on. I promise you that dwelling on petty insults is going to get you nowhere.

I just don't know where to start as far as "working on myself" goes. My thought processes make me feel like I can't be "worked on" as if I am a malfunctioning machine that is beyond repair and needs to be scrapped. I am also not getting any younger. I am at the age where I should atleast have a long term relationship and have potential marriage plans but I can't even get a coffee date. I sometimes fear that the number of single women decreases the longer I am single and I am always going to get told "I have a boyfriend/husband." or "I am too busy!" whenever I try finding a date.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe I have given you concrete suggestions for "working on yourself" which may have included using David Burn's "Feeling Good" book to challenge your depressive thought patterns.

You are also back in touch with a therapist you feel good about, so waste no time, ask for some homework assignments and work hard at them.

You did. The library I work at has it but it's currently overdue.

I won't be able to see her again until the 17th due to Labor Day and the following week being one of her "off" weeks. When I see her again, I'll ask for homework from her.

I feel like XFilesGeek isn't rooting for me anymore.

Well, you'll have to discuss that with XFiles Geek. I hope it's just a case of being busy.

And their opinion of you matters, because....?

If your only reason for dating a girl is to show others that you're capable of it, then you're using her. I think that's probably what your cousin meant when she said you don't actually need a girlfriend. What you need is to acknowledge the fact that some people never find somebody, and there's this tiny chance that you might be one of them.

Feeling like you need a relationship is, coincidentally, a supremely unattractive quality for a man to display, so like, make of that what you will.

No, that isn't the reason why I want girlfriend. I just hated how I was treated by the culture I was born into and my feelings were shrugged off by others saying "Oh, they are just trying to toughen you up!" as if somehow I was in the wrong. I also didn't mention the people who bullied me to my cousin. I was just frustrated with how sometimes I get told I should have no problem attracting women and I sometimes get asked if I want children. Those questions just remind me of how things haven't changed for me except for one short-lived relationship. Yes, I have had a relationship before and I didn't "use" her. She actually initiated things first.
A part of me feels like if I could experience love once than maybe it could happen again but the fact it hasn't happened again for nearly eight years now is discouraging.

I want to believe my fate isn't set in stone like that. I don't buy into the idea that our fates our planned or predetermined. I just suffer from a lot of depression that discourages me so much.