Seeking advice on Bipolar and OCD sister

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My sister is bipolar and has OCD. She's extremely intelligent and in MENSA.

I would like some recommendations on the best way to handle a situation I have with her. Things that would be effective and also sympathetic to her issues.

Before my Mom died at the beginning of this year, my parents would vacation on the gulf coast of Texas. My sister has taken her family down there a number of times and feels a deep connection to the area since she would spend vacation time there with my parents.

My sister's dream that she WILL NOT let go of is for me and my family to vacation with her and her family and my Dad in Texas on a routine basis such as having Christmas down there together.

Neither my wife, nor I have ever been to Texas. I do not enjoy travelling as a rule or if I do, I prefer to go to places I've been to before and places that are within 8 hours from home. Texas is across the U.S. from me. My wife and I do not have a desire to vacation in Texas (no offense, Texans....) and we don't want to vacation with my sister.

Even after I've been very direct and I've told her that we DO NOT want to go to Texas and that she should LET GO of a dream of having us go down there. I told her she should focus on enjoying the great times she has with HER family down there, it's wonderful that she likes it so much and that should be what matters.

Still, she brings it up. She's recently tried a manipulative tactic telling our children that she could take one of them at a time with her family down to Texas of my wife and I do not want to go. Naturally our kids think the idea is super. She's tried to circumvent us as parents in that respect. No way in this universe would we be OK with that. Her family dynamic is extremely chaotic and polar opposite to ours. Not going to happen.

What can I do? If she brings it up again, should I just ignore her? Or, keep saying, ad infinitum, "Not going to happen."?

Oh does this sound familiar. My evil, narcissistic sister tried to borrow my children in a similar way. And my other, more autistic sister wants to borrow my niece to take to Japan, and has tried to circumnavigate the niece's mother, instead lobbying with the niece's father and directly with the niece.

Just keep saying no, or ignore if you'd rather. I would not bother giving reasons, just say "see my prior refusal as the reasons have not changed."

Your sister seems in denial that she has a mental illness. She's trying to re-create her own happy memories. I think it would be very wrong to send your kids into that, and you know your own mental status well enough to know it's not your cup of tea either.

Thank you. She was formally diagnosed with both quite a few years ago. Our Mom died in January and I think that's exacerbated her fixations on certain thought patterns. I think she's trying to get all of us down there to create something new that might reduce her grief. Maybe I should tell her that's why I think she's fixation on this?

She tends to rope people into her drama, asking for advice. I still fall for it sometimes. I say "fall for it" because if you try to give her advice she has a million excuses/rebuttals as to why NONE of your advice would work. It drove my wife batty for years until my wife became wise to it and refuses to take the bait any longer.

She's my sister and I do love her. She's utterly devoted to her kids, perhaps too much. I don't think she's a bad person. Her husband was nonverbal until the age of five if I recall with many learning disabilities and one of their daughters is ASD with seizures. I only bring these things up because they live polar opposite lives to ours. Their life is 24 hour chaos and I must keep mine as peaceful as possible. She's intense to be around as if she's a continually buzzing electrical current. I feel bad, therefore, that I find it hard to be around her save for short periods. I'm not the only one.

She asked once if we would take my nieces in if something ever happened to her and her husband. I told her I didn't think I would be psychologically or emotionally capable of doing that. It's sad for me to say it's challenging enough for me with my own kids. They often frazzle me.

At a recent reunion picnic where we see most relatives only that one time per year, one of the first things she asked one our cousins was if he would look after her girls if needed because I said I wouldn't. I think and sometimes say inappropriate things to people, but I was flabbergasted that she would ask him that. He was as well.

Sorry for the ramble. I feel guilty because I would never tell her that I can't handle her intensity and only in small occasional doses as it would be hurtful to her. I feel like I'm withholding the truth from her and not being honest.

Are you sure shes not autistic, and just totally unaware of it and its sensory challenges. That is what I feel when you write about her anyway. Has she ever been assessed?

I don't believe she's been assessed for ASD. I did fill out a 5-6 page narrative about how I perceived her when we were kids, what it's like to be around her now, which she needed to give to a psychiatrist or psychologist within the last few years. She asked both my wife and I to complete those for her and we mailed them directly to the professional rather than give them to my sister, which she was ok with. She said they were going to be used in part to possibly change a medication for her or something.

Years ago when I first started reading about Aspergers I told her I thought I had it. She disagreed and said she thought I definitively had a sensory processing disorder and social awkwardness. About a year ago and after doing a lot more research I said again that I think very strongly that I HFA and listed the long laundry list of my characteristics. She agreed and said she can see that now and she thinks my Mom was HFA as was our maternal grandfather. She did say during that conversation: maybe I have Aspergers?

I don't know much about bipolar. I need to read up on it.