My therapist gave me homework

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I think that's a good first step. Get yourself a nice notepad and use it as a journal.

Day 1: what is your truthful answer to what your life values are? Write it down. Even if it truly is that you want to have a relationship. Write that down. The first step is to admit the truth. If you start with what you think the therapist wants to hear, then you won't get anywhere. The very first step is how you perceive things now.

What are your thought patterns? When you get up tomorrow. Write down what you think about. My worst negative thoughts are in the morning. I am trying to train myself out of it, but I think of my bad points when I look in the mirror brushing my hair. I keep thinking that I am a nothing, a stupid lump that no one wants. I keeping thinking about what that guy said to me when he emphasised that he wanted people to know there was nothing going on between us. It really cut me. And then I cry a bit... less now than I did at first.

That is a cycle my thoughts go through in the morning. Now that I have identified it truthfully (and thats actually the first time ive admitted that and written it down) I can catch myself at the beginning of the cycle and try and force myself to break the cycle and think of something else instead. It's not easy. Breaking a cycle of thought is like breaking a habit such as smoking or nail biting.

You will fail a few times to break the thought patterns and I do fail some mornings. I do go back to the cycle, but I'm trying to fight it.

I like Beas idea of posting affirmations. I will write some and put them on my mirror. When I feel the cycle starting I will read the notes instead.

I hope this makes sense.

Keep a record of your thoughts throughout the day. If you have negative thoughts write about where you were and what triggered the thoughts. Don't blame. Don't say it's all my brothers fault, unless he actually did say a thing to you right there and then. Write the exact thing that happened in present tense that triggered the thought or got you thinking back to what someone said.

If you figure out what the triggers are it will be easier to avoid or fight them off in the future. Show your therapist your journal at your next appointment.

I like you, Fnord, but you know I sometimes suggest you are being too harsh. Mark expressed his discomfort about you in an assertive and appropriate fashion. Don't be "that guy" who always has to have the last word. Just leave him be, and post in other people's threads.

I agree. You've got to turn that desperation into motivation. I also agree that hard rock is powerful and fun to listen to. You've got the power, now use it.

Thank you, BeaArthur. Fnord really has no business trying to lecture me. He's even lied about me before. For someone who stresses looking at one's own actions, he doesn't seem to do that to his own.

Some of my life values would be things the Bible Belt hates such as authenticity, knowledge, and open-mindedness.

My thought patterns: I don't fit in at all. I am too "weird" for the mainstream world and too "boring" for the alternative world (Although it's almost nonexistent in my area). I am 30 years old and I still don't have a girlfriend, I don't live on my own, I don't have a college degree, I haven't written any songs, I don't even try to draw, and I feel weak. Why am I even alive? I hate my job and I wish I could just walk away from it. Why is it ok for jerks to pursue girls but not me? Why is it ok for them to want a girlfriend but I can't think that or else I am considered desperate? Why did I fall behind socially? Will I ever get better?

There's many positive aspects of you, too.

Most people don't get the opportunity to even work in a library, for one.

You're smart enough to transcend all the "redneck" crap, for two.

There are many more, I'm sure.

Can’t really answer all the questions here, but for writing songs, all I can say is just start writing.

I used to love writing when I was in high school, but I got out of the habit. I’ve been itching to write a book. I’m on the opposite end of the Bible Belt from you. One of the main characters is a girl who has a freak accident was that turns her hair blue.

The first part of the story is about a young couple who find their feelings for each other to be at odds with their strict religious upbringing. They run away and get involved in a church that accepts them, get married, start a family. The second part of the story describes the problems they encounter at their new church and how it disintegrates. The third part is how they respond to what happens, ultimately bringing them full circle. I’m not at all a good writer. This is purely just for fun. My wife loves it.

Any time you want to do something creative, the best thing to do is just go for it and not worry about what it means to anyone but you. Good stories and good songs will always get out.

Re jerks: everyone has just as much right to pursue anyone just as much as anyone else, including you. The trouble is this thing is consuming you in a negative way. Those “jerks” aren’t plagued by the same issues you are. They have their own issues. Maybe they succeed with girls, but they probably don’t meet standards you hold to. We all fail in some capacity. You desperation is only a part of it. They aren’t dealing with your problems, but you always pointed out their faults. So, I dunno, just be glad you don’t have their problems.

As to whether you get better, that comes down to the choices you make. You either let this strengthen you or kill you.

Good. Write that down as a bullet point list and show your therapist. It's the basis for you to start from.

Do you want to draw? I've never heard you mention this before. I used to draw, but I'm so tired these days I've stopped. I really need to start again. I'm not very good at it, but I enjoyed it.

Oh, you didn't write down what your values actually are. We don't care if they don't fit in with the bible belt and neither will your therapist. What are your values? What is important to you?

I used to doodle obsessively but when my output never evolved and I kept seeing how others did, I felt dejected. It got to where I would feel like any perceived mistake ruined the drawing for me so I would trash it or my creativity would feel dry; I feel like I've lost it forever and because I didn't learn to draw good in my developmental years that I can't do so as an adult. I also got a low grade in a college art class.

I actually did list some values. Those would be authenticity, knowledge, and open-mindedness. Things that would be important to me would be comfort, warmth, love, hobbies, and spirituality.

Excellent. Homework done!

Right. Now how can you focus on your values and develop those areas of your life? That's not going to be an easy thing to answer. Your therapist may be able to help talk you through ideas.

Re the drawing... you shouldn't compare what you do in life to other people. You need to allow yourself to find enjoyment in the things that you enjoy. It's got nothing to do with anyone else. Let it be yours.

At the end of the day you can't draw anything worse than Sonichu

Markinis, did you enjoy the art class (even though you failed)? I ask this because art runs in our family. My son is quite good at cartoon drawing. He took special classes when he was young. I took art through grade 13 and we studied all types of art - silk screening, lino prints, conte crayon, pen and ink, sculpting and on and on. We studied different art periods, styles and artists. We studied techniques. I tried to convince my son that he should try something like that. To learn the rules and THEN try to break the rules with your own style. He didn’t like the work that went with that and never formally followed through with his art. He tries now and again and has done some DVD covers and political type art but not the career he would have liked. I do art in different ways. Folk art painting, refinishing furniture, cross stitch, other types of sewing, lace making.... Art can be more than drawing!

I really wanted to do a drawing course but I could only get a design course but I put up with it because it involved drawing. I thought maybe after a while I would enjoy it and on some level I did but it became less enjoyable when my grades started to slip and my cat accidentally ruined one of my assignments when he jumped on it. I never got to do a drawing class because it was always full whenever I went to register and the professor I had in the design class not only became the sole drawing professor but he was also a jerk and a sleaze bag. He even tried to date my mother after giving me a low grade!

I am slow in the morning, at work in the day, and burned out in the evening so the opportunities I have to do any art are slim. I also generally just feel like I am a malfunctioning machine that needs to be scrapped (death). I failed in my developmental years, teens, adolescence, and the remainder of my 20's so it feels like I will never succeed at anything and the chances are gone.

No, you've bragged at me and also ganged up on me like a schoolyard bully. Behind each post you claim to offer help is another saying "Hahahaha! I'm better than these losers!" and you have the nerve to be surprised when someone calls you out on it.

Stop replying then. Just ignore the posts that you don't like. You're just stoking the fire.