27 Y/O daughter with Asperger's

Post Reply New Topic

She lives at home with myself and step dad, in a separate studio apartment. All of her siblings are living on their own or with room mates. Prior to her diagnosis when she was a junior, she was an average weight and worked in a bookstore. After highschool she attempted college but that did not work out. She has a med prescriber and occassionaly does therapy but often forgets to make appointments and does not follow through with what the therapists suggests.

Accomplishments: She works a 40 hour a week job for a mental health facility as an administrative assistant. The job is very stressful but she excells at it according to her collegues. She is an advid video game player, loves to laugh and has a good online presence. She loves to read.

Deficits: She has difficulty keeping up with household chores (basically I do them all, if I don't then she will live untidely) She forgets to pay her bills on time (I now have taken that over). She requires me waking her up in order for her to get to work on time. Her current job has increased her stress and anxitey for a variety of reasons. Her coping strategies are to walk in her room or to eat large bags of chips and drink soda. She rarely eats a healthy meal or healthy food. She weighs close to 350 lbs, is short of breath when she climbs a single flight of stairs.

As her Mom, I have tried everything I know of from my profession (COTA/RBT) but because I am her Mom - nothing has worked. We have had ABA therapy, CBT therapy in her younger years and nothing has stuck. I am worried about her health and lack of face to face social life.

Can any one give me some advice?

What does SHE think and want? How does she feel about her job? What is it about her job that stresses her out so much?

What I worry about in your post is her weight and mental health, and that makes me question what it is in her life that SHE would like to see change. I believe you have to start with that.

House cleaning can be contracted out. Even bill paying can be contracted out. But being content in your life, knowing what you need and what works for you? Those things cannot be contracted out.

If her job is literally killing her she may have to find a different one or, if that is also too stressful, consider disability. I know none of that is what you want to hear, but there is no magic pill that will teach her to be happy in the kind of life society says she should have. If she isn't suited to that life, you may have to consider something different. While we all have dreams for our kids, having them stay on this earth with us usually tops the list.

more advice and examples, more repetition in explanation, more rewards are still needed
-her insecurities might be stronger then her actual age, do somethings nice in between also,
don't go for easy 'doing it yourself' instead

The fact that she is working a 40-hour per week job is an accomplishment. Many Aspies find that very difficult.

The fact that she is an avid video game player is not a bad thing. It is her way of dealing with stress.

The fact that she is disorganized is a problem. But as another poster has indicated some of that can be rectified. In our society, bills can be paid automatically. So it would be good to help her set up electronic automatic bill paying. As far as her housekeeping, she can contract that out. There are individuals who provide maid service, such as one day a week to keep things tidy.

Her overweight is a problem. It will eventually result in her developing adverse medical conditions such as high blood pressure and diabetes that will shorten her lifespan significantly. There are ways to remediate this condition by weight loss surgery. But she must decide this is a goal in her life.

It would be very beneficial for her to be trained on techniques to reduce stress. Therapy targeting fear and stress such as programs that treat PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) help according to many adult Aspies. These include somatic experiencing, beam life coaching, Tipi emotional regulation therapy, and exposure therapy. Many of the Aspie negative traits are related to stress and trauma. COTA/RBT, ABA therapy, CBT therapy are all focused on changing behavior. These are very different that therapy designed to eliminate stress. They will help you daughter immensely to offload the stress and teach her techniques she can use to minimize stress in the future. You might obtain some books by Peter A. Levine on trauma therapy and review them.