High functioning girls and friendships

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My daughter was diagnosed two months ago. She's 11.

She also has learning disabilities and ADD.

We have placed her in a special ed class for kids on the spectrum within a regular school.

Currently she is performing very well - doing things she didn't do in her regular class like actually writing in her notebook and participating in the lesson. The class consists of 7 kids, two teachers and 2 aids. She hardly requires assistance. From being the worst student in her regular class last year, she is now the best in her current (as far as being able to cope on her own).

Despite all of this I have concerns re her social well-being. She used to socialize with NT girls but recently she has been quite lonely. She was bullied by the boys in her pervious class. The school she has moved to is not in our town. I know she wants friends but she seems to have lost the ability to gain them or at least she has become very insecure about it. She goes to an art class after school - she likes it there - all the other girls are two years younger than her so she isn't intimidated by them... I'm just worried that she will feel lonely otherwise...

I have thought about sending her to participate in a group that specializes in kids with ASD - currently the group for her age isn't opening as they need a guide and none is available, but even so... I wonder if I should limit her interaction to kids with ASD... I wonder if she will in the future be able to socialize without such limitations... I am worried about depression as a result of loneliness as she grows up and I wonder if I am right re my concerns...

Thanks.

I would not limit her friendships to those with ASD. In fact, at that age, my son disliked other kids with ASD (his own rigidity made their rigidity too much of a conflict) and only had NT friends. As he grew older he learned to adapt to others with ASD, but I would still say most of his friends are "quirky NT." Ultimately, I just don't think neurology is a good indicator of who will be the most likely friend. Shared interests are much more important, and the overlap between two individuals who both are focused on their special interests can be very small. None of it is a rule, of course; just a reason not to target potential friends using ASD as a guide.

My son's friends usually form from shared interests. He is a game designer at heart, and those who are interested in play testing his designs, or are designers themselves, tend to evolve into his best friends. He also was very active in Boy Scouts as a child and made extremely good friends there.

When he was in elementary school, he became friends with the most popular kid in school because we did a carpool with the boy's family. I definitely extol the magic of the carpool, no matter how awkward it may start out. All our carpools turned into friendships. Not always life long, but long enough.

I realize my writing makes it sounds like he has a lot of friends. I would consider it more accurate to say he has a lot of people he is friendly with. He will only go out of his way to see 3-4 people. The rest are lovely to run into and hang out with when it happens, but he sees no need to work on it. Long term friendships take work. That is 3-4 people. His choice. I'm just happy that there are so many people who seem to enjoy his company. I volunteered a lot at school and I saw that they really did enjoy having him around. He's lucky that way.

Hello hidden4ever

I don't think you should limit her to others on the spectrum. I had only NT friends (a very mixed, quirky group)

in school, and those relationships while not perfect were very helpful and supportive through that period of my life.

I also feel what I learnt then helped latter on when I had problems interacting with people as an adult.

Personally I hang out with a lot of older people that I suspect are aspies. Let her choose her friends and don't judge. I am a 24 year old female. My best friend is a 55 year old male.

It's not a good idea to limit possible friends to a specific gender or neuro type. As a kid I didn't really get along with anyone but as an adult, pretty much all of my friends are dudes.