Does anyone else wish to find some extra dimension?
15 Sep 2018, 9:41 am
QuantumChemist wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
Gallia wrote:
and to answers to the OP, YUP!
I fantasize a lot about building a cabin somewhere in Iceland and bringing a few good books and just ... yno... read. write, paint. walk about.
I fantasize a lot about building a cabin somewhere in Iceland and bringing a few good books and just ... yno... read. write, paint. walk about.
Do you know you can BUY a cabin -- a car and a house in one -- and that's not even a fantasy its there? Unfortunately I don't know how to drive, plus I don't have money. But if not for that, I would totally buy it. I don't understand why people buy houses instead of cabins. I mean, cabins are so much better since you can be anywhere you want to be. AND cabins are cheaper at the same time. Well since they are cheaper, that suggests that nobody besides me sees why they are better. I mean, doesn't anyone else want to travel?! I once talked online to someone who lives in a cabin, so I asked her, does she get to move around? But she said no, her cabin stays in the same place. And I could never get her to explain why did she want to miss such a wonderful opportunity to travel. Why stay on the same place anyway, whats the point?!
I can answer that. I used to live in the state of Kansas located in the center of Tornado alley. During the spring/summer months, it is quite common to have very severe storms there. You want to be protected with a good frame over your head during these events. Living in an RV/mobile home (cabin) is not recommended there because they just do not withstand the tornadoes. Some people do have RVs there though, but they do not live out of them. They only use them when they go on vacation (usually within the same state). When not in use, the RVs are put away in storage.
It is quite common to find people in Kansas that live their entire lives within the state lines. They typically do not like to travel much outside of their area, as they prefer the rural life to the congested ones in the big cities.
But the cool thing about the cabin is that you don't have to be in Kansas: you can be in any state you like. So why not go into the state that doesn't have tornadoes?
In any case, this doesn't answer the question regarding the woman that DOES live in a cabin, yet her cabin stays in the same place. Why would she be any safer from tornadoes staying in the same place than moving, if she is in the cabin in both cases? She is in New Mexico by the way, not Kansas (and I have no idea about the tornado situation in NM).
15 Sep 2018, 10:28 am
Chronos wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
Chronos wrote:
*A schizophrenic Canadian man had been found wandering in the middle of the Amazon just a few years ago. He had wandered on foot from Canada, walking across borders in to the U.S., Mexico, central America...though I am not sure how he got across the Panama Canal being disheveled and undocumented, in to south America and the Amazon. He lived on the streets and scavenged for food in trash cans. I don't recommend doing it this way.
So how did he manage to cross all those borders without documents? And, since we obviously know about him, does it mean he got caught? If so, does it mean he is in jail?
By the way I am not considering doing this. I am just asking out of curiosity.
Chronos wrote:
If you live in a busy or diverse enough area, you don't have to travel far to find a different microcosm. It's a matter of changing patterns or doing life differently.
I am in Albuquerque. Can you think of any microcosms over here?
This article details all I know on the story.
Canadian man wanders from Canada to Amazon forest.
That sounds like a fascinating story. The fact that he "began his treatment for schizophrenia" as well as "was due to appear in court" before leaving totally explains why he went missing. I, for one, would much rather be missing than be either in jail or mental institution. It is also biblical: Jesus instructed to run for the hills than to be a slave. Of course, in his case he was talking about being slave to antichrist, which is even worse than either prison or hospital, but still the concept is the same. I don't get how his family was saying he is "back to safety". So they call being in jail a "safe" option?!
On a different note, I noticed that man also said he was happy to be back. But, if he truly was, why didn't he walk to Canada by himself? Lets take the point where he walked exactly HALF of the way. Why did he walk the OTHER half south instead of walking the other half north and returning to Canada. So, evidently, he didn't really want to go back. So did he LIE he was happy to be back in order to appease the relatives? But, if so, wouldn't that lie be transparent due to what I just said?
Chronos wrote:
As for microcosms in Albuquerque, I am not very familiar with that city but surely no two people live the exact same life there. Your neighbor probably has different experiences than you.
Oh yeah, my neighbor certainly does have completely different experience from me. The whole context of my life is that I am isolated and thats why I am struggling on how to deal with that isolation. Thus, I might go like "its better to live at this place than that other place since they don't look down at me there as much", but that would be something unique to my own situation. Or I might say "I like this place better than that since taking a long walk is more pleasant", but to others its not even about long walks since others are doing all kinds of other things I have no idea about.
But this goes back to the fact that I really wish I had friends and I don't have them. And this desperation is what makes me look for "extra dimensions" that would somehow solve my problem.
15 Sep 2018, 10:45 am
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
Chronos wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
Chronos wrote:
*A schizophrenic Canadian man had been found wandering in the middle of the Amazon just a few years ago. He had wandered on foot from Canada, walking across borders in to the U.S., Mexico, central America...though I am not sure how he got across the Panama Canal being disheveled and undocumented, in to south America and the Amazon. He lived on the streets and scavenged for food in trash cans. I don't recommend doing it this way.
So how did he manage to cross all those borders without documents? And, since we obviously know about him, does it mean he got caught? If so, does it mean he is in jail?
By the way I am not considering doing this. I am just asking out of curiosity.
Chronos wrote:
If you live in a busy or diverse enough area, you don't have to travel far to find a different microcosm. It's a matter of changing patterns or doing life differently.
I am in Albuquerque. Can you think of any microcosms over here?
This article details all I know on the story.
Canadian man wanders from Canada to Amazon forest.
That sounds like a fascinating story. The fact that he "began his treatment for schizophrenia" as well as "was due to appear in court" before leaving totally explains why he went missing. I, for one, would much rather be missing than be either in jail or mental institution. It is also biblical: Jesus instructed to run for the hills than to be a slave. Of course, in his case he was talking about being slave to antichrist, which is even worse than either prison or hospital, but still the concept is the same. I don't get how his family was saying he is "back to safety". So they call being in jail a "safe" option?!
On a different note, I noticed that man also said he was happy to be back. But, if he truly was, why didn't he walk to Canada by himself? Lets take the point where he walked exactly HALF of the way. Why did he walk the OTHER half south instead of walking the other half north and returning to Canada. So, evidently, he didn't really want to go back. So did he LIE he was happy to be back in order to appease the relatives? But, if so, wouldn't that lie be transparent due to what I just said?
Chronos wrote:
As for microcosms in Albuquerque, I am not very familiar with that city but surely no two people live the exact same life there. Your neighbor probably has different experiences than you.
Oh yeah, my neighbor certainly does have completely different experience from me. The whole context of my life is that I am isolated and thats why I am struggling on how to deal with that isolation. Thus, I might go like "its better to live at this place than that other place since they don't look down at me there as much", but that would be something unique to my own situation. Or I might say "I like this place better than that since taking a long walk is more pleasant", but to others its not even about long walks since others are doing all kinds of other things I have no idea about.
But this goes back to the fact that I really wish I had friends and I don't have them. And this desperation is what makes me look for "extra dimensions" that would somehow solve my problem.
People with untreated schizophrenia often lack cohesive thought processes and do not have a full grasp on what they are doing. I encountered a schizophrenic woman at a train station once. She was disheveled and dirty and going through the trash can but started to ask me about myself in a coherent manner and then told me she was going south to visit friends. Yet she got on the north bound train, despite having no ticket and me telling her it was the train and was going in the direction opposite to that which she had said she wanted to go.
Another time I encountered a schizophrenic man in a wheelchair in the middle of the street. I tried to coax him out of the street and he told me he was going to the corner to see his son. No one was at the corner and he was not heading towards it.
A lot of people with schizophrenia describe psychotic stages like being in a dream where things change from moment to moment and events are disconnected.
Concerning your loneliness, perhaps see what social activities exist in your area. Invite someone to meet up. Volunteer to be a mentor or to teach high school kids in one of the many programs that are trying to find volunteers. Join a climbing gym and find climbing partners there. There are many ways for one to increase social opportunities.
15 Sep 2018, 1:18 pm
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
Gallia wrote:
and to answers to the OP, YUP!
I fantasize a lot about building a cabin somewhere in Iceland and bringing a few good books and just ... yno... read. write, paint. walk about.
I fantasize a lot about building a cabin somewhere in Iceland and bringing a few good books and just ... yno... read. write, paint. walk about.
Do you know you can BUY a cabin -- a car and a house in one -- and that's not even a fantasy its there? Unfortunately I don't know how to drive, plus I don't have money. But if not for that, I would totally buy it. I don't understand why people buy houses instead of cabins. I mean, cabins are so much better since you can be anywhere you want to be. AND cabins are cheaper at the same time. Well since they are cheaper, that suggests that nobody besides me sees why they are better. I mean, doesn't anyone else want to travel?! I once talked online to someone who lives in a cabin, so I asked her, does she get to move around? But she said no, her cabin stays in the same place. And I could never get her to explain why did she want to miss such a wonderful opportunity to travel. Why stay on the same place anyway, whats the point?!
I can answer that. I used to live in the state of Kansas located in the center of Tornado alley. During the spring/summer months, it is quite common to have very severe storms there. You want to be protected with a good frame over your head during these events. Living in an RV/mobile home (cabin) is not recommended there because they just do not withstand the tornadoes. Some people do have RVs there though, but they do not live out of them. They only use them when they go on vacation (usually within the same state). When not in use, the RVs are put away in storage.
It is quite common to find people in Kansas that live their entire lives within the state lines. They typically do not like to travel much outside of their area, as they prefer the rural life to the congested ones in the big cities.
But the cool thing about the cabin is that you don't have to be in Kansas: you can be in any state you like. So why not go into the state that doesn't have tornadoes?
In any case, this doesn't answer the question regarding the woman that DOES live in a cabin, yet her cabin stays in the same place. Why would she be any safer from tornadoes staying in the same place than moving, if she is in the cabin in both cases? She is in New Mexico by the way, not Kansas (and I have no idea about the tornado situation in NM).
Kansans grow up dealing with tornadoes most of our lives, so to us it is not a big deal. Most of them are small F1s that blow crops around out in the farmer's fields and do little to no real damage. Many from my home state go out and watch them for fun. We do watch out for the more powerful ones though, as those can and do cause extensive damage. We have our own way of life, so why leave unless we have to? For many, they live on family farms that can sustain their livelihood if they work hard. It is not for everyone though, as it is very rural. Unless you have lived in Kansas, you will likely never truly understand Kansas.
I would not have left Kansas if I had the choice when I moved. Unfortunately, there are no jobs in my area of science, so no job = no money. I have bills to pay, so I moved to where I could find work and get a decent paycheck.
The lady probably feels comfortable with where she is at and sees no need to move. If one is content with where they live, why would they want to go to another place to live? Not everyone has a listless soul that needs to be on the move to survive.
16 Sep 2018, 4:56 am
Chronos wrote:
People with untreated schizophrenia often lack cohesive thought processes and do not have a full grasp on what they are doing.
If he didn't have a grasp on what he did, how would he manage to travel all that distance? If he were to just wonder around aimlessly, he would be going both south and north, and the speed of his overall movement would have been a lot slower, which means that just a few years wouldn't have been enough for him to go that far.
Chronos wrote:
I encountered a schizophrenic woman at a train station once. She was disheveled and dirty and going through the trash can but started to ask me about myself in a coherent manner and then told me she was going south to visit friends. Yet she got on the north bound train, despite having no ticket and me telling her it was the train and was going in the direction opposite to that which she had said she wanted to go.
Could it be that she acted this way simply because she was embarrassed that you caught her eating off of garbage?
I mean, this is exactly what I would do (except that you would have to replace "eating off of garbage" with "eating from refrigerator instead of a plate" and then being caught by one of my roommates).
Obviously I am not her, but my reaction would match hers almost to a T. In particular,
1. I would try to cover up that I was embarassed on the first place, by pretending to have a conversation. This is rather ironic since, in all other situations, I am too shy to start a conversation and keep waiting for others to talk to me first, being frustrated why they wouldn't. But in this specific situation I *would* start a conversation since a desire to cover an embarassment would be strong enough push to get me to do it. I guess you might say that in both cases I am doing the "opposite" to what I really want to cover things up. When I am lonely and want people to talk to me, I would cover it up by "not" talking and waiting for them to talk first. When I am embarassed and want them to leave me alone I would cover it up by starting to talk to them.
2. I would lie about what I am about to do to cover my tracks. Obviously, the question as to where I am about to go has nothing to do with the actual source of embarassment (eating from refrigirator). But my instinctive reaction to lie is much faster than the time it takes to realize it. So, if a roommate catches me eating from refrigirator, I might tell them I am about to go to the post office when I am really going to church and then immediately *after* I made that lie I would think to myself "oops, I didn't have to lie regarding this one" but I would stick to that lie because I don't want to explain why I just lied and, in order not to have to explain it, I shouldn't admit that I lied on the first place -- which logically means I should stick to that lie.
Chronos wrote:
Another time I encountered a schizophrenic man in a wheelchair in the middle of the street. I tried to coax him out of the street and he told me he was going to the corner to see his son. No one was at the corner and he was not heading towards it.
I might do that too, particularly if I want to get away from a certain situation. In fact, NT-s do that too when they say they are busy. But in my case I don't feel comfortable simply saying I am busy, since the other person would be able to read between the lines that I don't want to talk to them. So, instead, I would fill out details of the exact things I am busy with -- and a lot of them would be lies. In this situation, I guess, my probabilty of lying or telling the truth is around 50/50: if I can think of something I am actually going to do on the spot, I would tell the truth, if I can't come up with anything on the spot I would tell a lie.
Chronos wrote:
Concerning your loneliness, perhaps see what social activities exist in your area. Invite someone to meet up. Volunteer to be a mentor or to teach high school kids in one of the many programs that are trying to find volunteers. Join a climbing gym and find climbing partners there. There are many ways for one to increase social opportunities.
My problem is that I didn't even get as far as people having small talk with me. So when will I have an opportunity to say those things?
16 Sep 2018, 5:13 am
QuantumChemist wrote:
Kansans grow up dealing with tornadoes most of our lives, so to us it is not a big deal.
You misunderstood what I meant. I know that living *in houses* in Kansas isn't a big deal. But, as you yourself said, living in *cabins* is. So what I said back to you was that the "problem" of living *in cabins* in Kansas also has a solution: if you are in a cabin you don't have to be in Kansas.
In other words, you are safe in both cases. If you live in a house then you are safe because its a house; if you live in a cabin you are safe since a cabin doesn't have to stay in Kansas.
So, since you are safe in both cases, why not be in a cabin since its more interesting?
QuantumChemist wrote:
The lady probably feels comfortable with where she is at and sees no need to move. If one is content with where they live, why would they want to go to another place to live? Not everyone has a listless soul that needs to be on the move to survive.
Still doesn't make sense. Even if I am content with where I live, it might still be "nice" to see something else. So if the "nice" thing comes for free, why not take it?
Or, even if for some weirdest of reasons she really doesn't want to leave town, why does she has to stay at the exact street she is staying? Why not, for example, stay next to her work one time or next to grocery store the other time, just so that she doesn't have to walk all the way to those locations?
16 Sep 2018, 10:51 am
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
Kansans grow up dealing with tornadoes most of our lives, so to us it is not a big deal.
You misunderstood what I meant. I know that living *in houses* in Kansas isn't a big deal. But, as you yourself said, living in *cabins* is. So what I said back to you was that the "problem" of living *in cabins* in Kansas also has a solution: if you are in a cabin you don't have to be in Kansas.
In other words, you are safe in both cases. If you live in a house then you are safe because its a house; if you live in a cabin you are safe since a cabin doesn't have to stay in Kansas.
So, since you are safe in both cases, why not be in a cabin since its more interesting?
QuantumChemist wrote:
The lady probably feels comfortable with where she is at and sees no need to move. If one is content with where they live, why would they want to go to another place to live? Not everyone has a listless soul that needs to be on the move to survive.
Still doesn't make sense. Even if I am content with where I live, it might still be "nice" to see something else. So if the "nice" thing comes for free, why not take it?
Or, even if for some weirdest of reasons she really doesn't want to leave town, why does she has to stay at the exact street she is staying? Why not, for example, stay next to her work one time or next to grocery store the other time, just so that she doesn't have to walk all the way to those locations?
You do not seem to grasp the concept that many people in Kansas do not want to leave Kansas. Period. They are happy where they are there and have no reason to leave the state to go to other places (excepting short vacations/required business trips/etc.). The same concept can apply to other people in other places, not just America. As strange as it may seem, there exists people in this world that really do not like/want to travel and see other places. Given the chance to live anywhere in the world, they would rather stay put where they are already content.
Not everyone feels safe living in an RV "cabin" home. They are smaller than a normal home and not built as sturdy as most permanent houses. Yes, some of them are cheaper, but then they also wear out faster and will eventually need replacement. RVs have limited storage areas, while permanent houses can have basements that give much larger areas for storing stuff. If you own the property, you could even install more storage buildings as needed.
Yes, you could rent storage areas if you live in an RV, but then you are paying more for something that you could have already built into a permanent home. Most average American families have an accumulation of "stuff" that they need to put somewhere. Remember, we are a consumerism society. So, that goes against living in an RV long term. One would have to learn to be a minimalist to make it work living in an RV. Many just do not want to do that.
Oh, that brings up another point. You have to rent space to put your RV at nights if you want water/power hookups. This costs you more money out of the pocket Sure, you could find a friend to park your RV at and hookup there, but you would be stealing their utilities unless you pay them the difference. Many places have laws that prevent you from doing this long term (ie you have to move it a distance every so many days or it gets towed). I guess you could get by without running water and electricity, but most in America would prefer to have those amenities in their lives.
Owning a permanent home also holds a special designation that one has partially fulfilled their families' expectations to become self-sufficient. Some use it as a show of their wealth. Others are more down to earth in their choices. Nonetheless, there is a level of respect given to homeowners by society. If you only own an RV to live in, it does not get that level of respect. Remember, RVs are not permanent structures.
16 Sep 2018, 4:36 pm
I don't need to find another dimension. I'd rather live for today, in the present. I don't need to wear the latest fashions or listen to Top 40 to do that, either. I just need to keep my mind focused on 2018 and not look back in silent gloom.
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nick007
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17 Sep 2018, 2:13 am
I kind of relate OP. I'm disabled & tried my hardest to find a job & get a girlfriend without much luck with either. I have worked 38 months but the jobs didn't work out for me in the end. I have tried LOTS of dating sites without any luck too. My parents gripped about me spending so much time online instead of socializing but I cant drive & lived in a rural area with no place to go. I felt very trapped living there & was very willing to relocate most anywhere when searching for a girlfriend & even mentioned that on sites. I would of LOVED to have been able to just run away from it all & suddenly make something better in the process. I posted about this when I was 19/20 on a forum before I was even wanting a realtionship & I really was ready to just run away & then a girl replied who had some of the similar issues as me & we got to chatting & I never did run away. She eventually told me she liked me & I realized I liked her too. Anyways that realtionship didn't work out & I fell into a psychotic depression & I was probably slipping into that before I got in the relationship which contributed to me f#cking it up. That's another story thou. Anyways I kind of got away at 30. I met my 3rd girlfriend on this forum(met my 2nd on here too) & I officially moved in with her on my 30th birthday. I moved from Louisiana to Vermont to be with her. I'm aLOT happier here with her than I was living with my parents. Cass feels very bad about the way my mom treats me sometimes & the way she gets treated too but I only see them 3x a year & she she only sees them 2wice so we can deal with it. Anyways I'm alot more independent here & I haven't searched for a job yet but don't know how to get started. Cass kind of needs/wants me around cuz she has issues she's dealing with & doesn't like being by herself for more than afew hours. I also don't want to risk screwing up my benefits. We could really use alittle extra money thou.We're getting ready to move again in about a month & a half so I'll worry about the job after.
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17 Sep 2018, 9:47 am
nick007 wrote:
I posted about this when I was 19/20 on a forum before I was even wanting a realtionship & I really was ready to just run away & then a girl replied who had some of the similar issues as me & we got to chatting & I never did run away.
So why didn't you run away?
nick007 wrote:
She eventually told me she liked me & I realized I liked her too
See, and when I complain why don't women approach me I am often told "its mans job to approach"; I always felt it was just an excuse, and the real reason women don't approach me is that they don't like me. What you just said proves my point.
nick007 wrote:
Anyways that realtionship didn't work out
Did it not work out *because* you didn't move the way you said you would, or was there another reason?
nick007 wrote:
& I fell into a psychotic depression & I was probably slipping into that before I got in the relationship which contributed to me f#cking it up.
Back in the 60-s they used to say that autism is related to schizophrenia, but then they said they proved it wrong. But are you saying this idea is right in your case?
nick007 wrote:
That's another story thou. Anyways I kind of got away at 30. I met my 3rd girlfriend on this forum(met my 2nd on here too) & I officially moved in with her on my 30th birthday. I moved from Louisiana to Vermont to be with her. I'm aLOT happier here with her than I was living with my parents. Cass feels very bad about the way my mom treats me sometimes & the way she gets treated too but I only see them 3x a year & she she only sees them 2wice so we can deal with it.
I moved away from my mom at 21, in order to go to graduate school (I was at home when I did my undergrad). Since then I kept going from school to school (got Masters in one school, then first Ph.D. in another school, then did three postdocs, and now am doing second Ph.D.) and every time I was changing my location drastically. Before each move I was thinking my problems would be solved once I move, but no it didn't work that way. I felt better for the first month but then I felt bad again.
That doesn't change the fact that I am glad I am not living at my mom's place, especially since she is super controlling. But at the same time I kinda wish to go back to the first two schools that were *away from* my mom, really miss those places (which is kinda weird to say that, since in the second of those schools I was in a rather deep academic trouble that resulted in my losing financial support and my mom sending me money; but I guess the fact that I was 10 years younger than now kinda outweights that).
nick007 wrote:
Anyways I'm alot more independent here & I haven't searched for a job yet but don't know how to get started. Cass kind of needs/wants me around cuz she has issues she's dealing with & doesn't like being by herself for more than afew hours. I also don't want to risk screwing up my benefits. We could really use alittle extra money thou.We're getting ready to move again in about a month & a half so I'll worry about the job after.
How come you are on disability? Is it because of Asperger or because of psychotic depression?
Have you ever considered going to school? I know as an undergrad you have to pay tuition; but in graduate school the TA-ship would cover your tuition *and* send you extra money on top of it. Thats part of the reason I am in graduate school, so that I don't have to look for job.
I never applied for disability. I have no idea whether I would be qualified or not, I *hope* not! My pride wouldn't allow me to go that rout regardless. But then again, I have no problem when my mom helps me pay my bills. So I guess its all individual.
19 Sep 2018, 11:24 am
I have this feeling -- that at least a quarter of my 'what ifs' involves me committing suicide at age 14-30 or so because of deciding 'best' decisions in life.
From choosing to be more mature and aware too early -- thus choosing to mask for other's sakes, to be a full blown achiever, to NOT stop going to school and never remedy my own burnout because reasons.
A quarter of 'what ifs' would be me surviving those 'choices' and suffering from anxiety and depression, and is suicidal nonetheless.
I would've been more disabled and/or unhealthy than this present, no matter what that other me achieved or attained.
On the other quarter, half of those 'what ifs' would be various versions of how I'm born NT, born in a more fortunate family, born with a less angrier or prideful disposition, born smarter, born in a different world where autistics are accepted, born in a rich country, and so on.
It ends up with some sociopathic versions of myself, weaker versions of myself, having a family with conditional love, having a life surrounded by insane expectations, and so on...
The other half of the remaining of a quarter... Would be the worse versions of how I'm born or turned out to be. Born weaker, born clumsy, born in a less fortune family, born during a conflict, grew up scathed or injured, grew up sheltered, and so on. Or flat out don't exist or born at all.
I won't be surprised if I've literally had a glimpse of it in a dream or a vision, as a wish or a warning, that I don't have to imagine it myself.
That's kinda how I think my own present is one of the best. 
My own life, myself, and the people around me.
My own existence is supposed to be tragic if not wrong or unwanted, but in this very world it isn't.
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nick007
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19 Sep 2018, 12:01 pm
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I posted about this when I was 19/20 on a forum before I was even wanting a realtionship & I really was ready to just run away & then a girl replied who had some of the similar issues as me & we got to chatting & I never did run away.
So why didn't you run away?
nick007 wrote:
She eventually told me she liked me & I realized I liked her too
See, and when I complain why don't women approach me I am often told "its mans job to approach"; I always felt it was just an excuse, and the real reason women don't approach me is that they don't like me. What you just said proves my point.
nick007 wrote:
Anyways that realtionship didn't work out
Did it not work out *because* you didn't move the way you said you would, or was there another reason?
nick007 wrote:
& I fell into a psychotic depression & I was probably slipping into that before I got in the relationship which contributed to me f#cking it up.
Back in the 60-s they used to say that autism is related to schizophrenia, but then they said they proved it wrong. But are you saying this idea is right in your case?
nick007 wrote:
That's another story thou. Anyways I kind of got away at 30. I met my 3rd girlfriend on this forum(met my 2nd on here too) & I officially moved in with her on my 30th birthday. I moved from Louisiana to Vermont to be with her. I'm aLOT happier here with her than I was living with my parents. Cass feels very bad about the way my mom treats me sometimes & the way she gets treated too but I only see them 3x a year & she she only sees them 2wice so we can deal with it.
I moved away from my mom at 21, in order to go to graduate school (I was at home when I did my undergrad). Since then I kept going from school to school (got Masters in one school, then first Ph.D. in another school, then did three postdocs, and now am doing second Ph.D.) and every time I was changing my location drastically. Before each move I was thinking my problems would be solved once I move, but no it didn't work that way. I felt better for the first month but then I felt bad again.
That doesn't change the fact that I am glad I am not living at my mom's place, especially since she is super controlling. But at the same time I kinda wish to go back to the first two schools that were *away from* my mom, really miss those places (which is kinda weird to say that, since in the second of those schools I was in a rather deep academic trouble that resulted in my losing financial support and my mom sending me money; but I guess the fact that I was 10 years younger than now kinda outweights that).
nick007 wrote:
Anyways I'm alot more independent here & I haven't searched for a job yet but don't know how to get started. Cass kind of needs/wants me around cuz she has issues she's dealing with & doesn't like being by herself for more than afew hours. I also don't want to risk screwing up my benefits. We could really use alittle extra money thou.We're getting ready to move again in about a month & a half so I'll worry about the job after.
How come you are on disability? Is it because of Asperger or because of psychotic depression?
Have you ever considered going to school? I know as an undergrad you have to pay tuition; but in graduate school the TA-ship would cover your tuition *and* send you extra money on top of it. Thats part of the reason I am in graduate school, so that I don't have to look for job.
I never applied for disability. I have no idea whether I would be qualified or not, I *hope* not! My pride wouldn't allow me to go that rout regardless. But then again, I have no problem when my mom helps me pay my bills. So I guess its all individual.
I didn't run away cuz chatting with her made me feel a little better & 1ce I calmed down alittle I realized I didn't have any options if I ran away & being on the streets would be worse than living with my parents.
My current girlfriend sent me a PM after reading lots of my posts in L&D. I met my 2nd girlfriend on this forum too but both kind of went towards each other instead of either one of us really making the 1st move if that makes any sense. I haven't had any luck with women offline thou & no luck on any of the LOTS of dating sites I tried. I was single for 8 years & trying my best to find someone between my 1st & 2nd realtionship. I think my personality comes off better in forums or something. I'm very unique & it takes the rite kind of girl/woman to actually want a realtionship with me. The average one would think I have too many problems/issues.
Things didn't work out because I had lots of traits of Borderline Personality Disorder & Codependency within that realtionship. I was very emotionally unstable & demanding. Some of that cuz I was immature & that was my 1st realtionship & some of it was probably due to the depression & lots of it was due to BAD OCD & panic attacks that my psychosis played off of & caused me to worry about her believing things were going on that weren't. It caused lots of fights. I had lots of similar problems in my 2nd realtionship too but things weren't as bad. I realized some of it was due to anxiety & researched anxiety meds & got on one a while before the realtionship ended. I got alittle better but the progress was too little too late & there were other issues she was having like her parents wanting our realtionship on their terms. She broke up with me & I don't blame her for it considering everything. I was having problems getting over her & realized some of it may be due to my OCD so I researched OCD meds & got on one. My current girlfriend sent me a message shortly after. I do have some issues in this realtionship but I'm alot more relaxed & things never got as bad as they did with the other two.
I was never schizophrenic but maybe psychotic depression on the schizophrenia spectrum IDK. I think some of the problems I had due to my autism played a huge part of it like being very socially isolated at the time & very frustrated with life circumstances.
I understand. It's really good your not living with your mom either way thou.
I'm on disability for lots of reasons. The depression isn't much of a factor nowadays thou. I was born with a rare low vision disorder that causes me to be extremely nearsighted even with glasses & also have a lot of colorblindness. I cant drive cuz of it. I also have a tremor disorder that acts up when doing things with fine motor-skills, stressed, anxious, or tired. I'm dyslexic & have AD[H]D too & other comorbids with dyslexia like dysgraphia & dyscalculia. I struggled majorly in skewl all my life cuz of that stuff & only passed some classes because my grades were curved. I NEVER had any desire to go to college as a result. I just wanted to be done with skewl & I never regretted not getting more skewling. There's other things I list on my disability reviews but they're a lot more minor compared to these things.
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"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
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