Bullied off forum

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I recently joined a parrot forum to discuss my love of parrots with other like minded people. Some users thought i was not welcome.

I am very sad now.

PM received from another user on that forum:

"You are probably young and of the bohoooo-this-is-sooooo-unfair-generation, most of us auties/spectrum-people have learned not to blame the other party for not handling us with kidgloves and just deal with our own brand of autism in the real world.


Everyone on this planet is living his/her own life - don't expect to be catered for always, most of them are busy with more important things.



Learn to phrase your scentences more like "this is my experience" or "I've been told..." instead of "this is the way it is, no other options are possible"
(especially since you have been wrong SO many times already it is quite annoying ! Maybe you've read a lot and think you know it al...well, you dont.).

I am not saying you are not allowed to make mistakes --we all do! But you might tone it down a bit.
You read like "mister/miss(es) High and Mighty" - and nobody likes a know-it-all.



Personally I think you are too selfabsorbed to keep a grey - they are very sensitive birds and you need to be to!
But maybe you'll get a great teacher- who knows...



I did not post this reaction (in your thread) to make you agree with me - I was trying to help.
You are being an idiot, your choice, not my fault.
(Do your how to import/export/keep a threathened species homework. A lot of the rules have changed since they became CITESbirds.)


You may not like me much - that is okay.
(I am not impressed with the way you go about this forum either - even taking your autism into account.)
Pointing fingers and screaming bloody murder does not make you well liked or even prove anything.
At least I am taking the time to tell you you are f*ing up so you can change --most people will just ignore you and move on, never to look back."

The person may have sincerely believed that he or she was being helpful before you got booted from the website. In that respect, I envy you. Most people who don't know me just call me a few names and cut me off completely.

Because, in my experience, I have had to learn, all on my own...

... that blaming others does not make me popular.

... that complaining does not make me popular.

... that I can allow myself to make mistakes.

... that others are too busy with their own problems to care about mine.

... that while ignorance can be cured, stupidity is a choice.

... to at least try to be helpful (I still react badly to being rejected).

... to be less self-absorbed (nigh impossible for an Aspie!).

... to just deal with being in the real world.

... to not blame others for not being nice to me.

... to not expect others to care.

... to not expect to be catered to.

... to phrase my sentences with "in my opinion...", "it seems that...", "according to...", "in my experience..." or "someone told me..." instead of "this is the way it is, and no other options are possible" even when I know that I am absolutely correct.

I do think the intent partly was to help me - but calling me an idiot is counterproductive.

I have contacted the mods of said forum and they have confirmed that the persons behaviour towards me was not "proper" and that they will step in.

Please don't feel "bullied" by no one on an Internet forum.

People have their own agendas. Mostly they have nothing to do with you. People just like to vent, and to play shrink.

Could be that person is projecting their own shortcomings onto you.

Sounds annoying.
But, if you don't mind, what was the context?

It sounds like they were trying to be helpful... right up until the "idiot" part.

I can't vouch for the validity of their assertions, not knowing the facts. But let's assume for the sake of argument that they had a point about the first part. If so it would be wise to think on it, even though you are justifiably upset. It would also have been wise for that person to have refrained from insults and "I don't like yous."

Constructive criticism, given kindly and diplomatically, can be very helpful. I don't take offense at all when someone gently tells me that they believe I messed up, why / how I messed up and suggests a means to fix it or avoid the mistake in the future. But the moment you start veering off into personal attacks and insults you lose your listener and your credibility. That part was wholly inappropriate and you were justified in reporting it.

she definitely has a point here, though. certain few people talk like that on here and it gets on my nerves probably just as much as it got on this person's nerves. it's very arrogant IMO to assume your personal experience is the absolute truth that everyone should go by.


also, gray parrots are very intelligent and long living birds.

OK, a bit of a (mostly relevant) hijack here but +1 about African gray parrots.

One of the most heartbreaking experiences of my childhood involved an African gray parrot named Maxwell. He was my dad's bird and hated everyone else. He would bite me as soon as look at me. He was messy, demanding and loud.

But oh, what intelligence that creature possessed. He not only knew words, he could string them into sentences all on his own so he could ask for things or give you his (usually unflattering) opinion. He knew all of our names and used them. He even knew which cat was dumb enough that if he mimicked my mom's voice and called him would come running... right into Maxwell's eager clutches.

As much as that bird drove me crazy, I was his staunchest advocate when my dad decided to get rid of him. Maxwell had the intelligence of a human child. He had emotions. He had thoughts that he could actually articulate. He loved my dad with all his grumpy little heart. I begged him to reconsider. It didn't work.

Maxwell knew that he had been betrayed. The lady at the rescue said that he screamed and made sobbing sounds nonstop and mutilated himself, ripping out his feathers in his grief. It haunts me. It has never stopped haunting me.

This is probably where your critic is coming from, all of his or her personal acrimony aside. That person appears to understand what a huge, lifelong commitment to an often temperamental and challenging animal parrot ownership entails and appears to be voicing their concerns in that department too (which may or may not be warranted--I truly don't know). In the end, whether they're right or wrong and even though they should have left out personal feelings, I suspect they were trying to both help you personally and also get you to reflect on whether parrot parenting is for you. It's too bad that they were rude, clumsy and insulting about it and thus ruined the message they probably intended to convey.

Yeah, she is mirroring because what she is saying, she is doing herself. What she said made me laugh so hard. On WP, this would have gotten her banned for abusive messaging.

We were arguing about CITES permits for CITES annex A listed parrots. According to her the purchaser of the parrot needs to apply for their own permit (special yellow paper from the government) whereas I argued that the paper is given with the parrot during the purchase.

I called my local office that handles CITES matters and they said that I was correct (that the purchaser does not need to apply for their own set).

I had in the same thread mentioned that I was autistic as a response to some else's comment (it was relevant in that situation, dont remember why, though). The user who sent me the message said that autism shouldnt be used as an excuse to be ignorant.

I sent her a PM saying "I understand that you probably mean that in an offensive way, but it implies that I am ignorant (by disagreeing with you) and also using my disability as an excuse (which I am not" to which she replied with the message that I copy-pasted in my original post.

I already own a parrot similar to an African Grey and I am going to buy a CAG (Congo African Grey) next spring. I am very knowledgable when it comes to parrots, and African greys (as I have cared for some in the past).

I am an experienced parrot owner. I have posted pictures of Sammy (Jardines parrot) before on this forum.


Edited to add link of Sammy: https://photos.app.goo.gl/7STebbxzXaV5v3j26

Last edited by teksla on 14 Sep 2018, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have to agree with you when it comes to the "IMO" vs "this is how it is". In this context I was stating the laws of my country, something that isnt an opinion-based question but rather a fact-based one.

Update:

I contacted the Moderators of that forum and they have taken my side as she made personal attacks against me and I did NOT retaliate or insult her.

I do not know what the Mods will do to her (warning, banning, etc.) I suppose it probably will end up being a warning or just a "don't do it again".

Either way the Mods have shown me a lot of love and support and wished that I would stay on the forum.

I don't see how you have been bullied off the forum.
One person has sent you a critical PM, which is being dealt with by mods.
That doesn't equal being bullied, unless others have done the same, or that person has PMed you repeatedly.
I understand it's upsetting, but try not to let one person's snarky opinion ruin your experience.

In hindsight "harassment" would have been a more suitable word. However I did not copy paste the entire message that I received, as well as comments on my threads/replies to my comments.