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CJH123
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16 Sep 2018, 11:18 am

So once again my life is thrown another curve ball. To be fair this ha been in my hi d since I was around 17, 18 but has been especially bad this last year, I'm now 21. I just have always been more feminine, most of the few friendships I had at school have been with girls. I now mostly talk with women online. I recently have started to do some small, things, like paint my nails. But overall I am petrified, I already have enough going on as it is and I worry my feelings on this matter are just me over thinking. Like I'm 21 surely that's too late to be figuring this out, its not like I'm disgusted by my body, but I don't like body hair, deep voices, being called a 'man' and just genrally the expectations of me being a man. I recently decided to consider myself Non-binary, but I don't feel like that's the case. I'm just so confused.



Aniihya
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17 Sep 2018, 10:41 am

Just do whatever you want. And for me post gender is ignoring all gender even the non-binaries. But even on terms of male or female why do men and women have to be a certain way?



BTDT
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17 Sep 2018, 11:31 am

Are you confusing gender with the expectations of becoming an adult? You did say 17, didn't you?

The transition to adulthood is can be very hard for those with childhood developmental disorders like autism, as the support may only be available for children.

If you don't like your body hair there is now a thing called manscaping that you should look into.



pete413
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17 Sep 2018, 11:50 am

I was born male, and I am also disgusted with mine and every male body. As time has worn on I have become more and more displeased with my so called "brothers".
I thought for a little about transitioning, but the political climate has confused even the word "gender"so much, I have just sunk into a pit of misery. The big public debate in general has done nothing but confuse and depress.

Now I just consider myself nothing. Too old for any of that anyhow. It's impossible to find help in this state, psych services in Oregon are pathetic.

But really, "gender" and "sex" have become so confused, they cease to have meaning anymore. And the world is at war with itself over those things.

It's only going to get worse.



Chronos
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17 Sep 2018, 12:04 pm

CJH123 wrote:
So once again my life is thrown another curve ball. To be fair this ha been in my hi d since I was around 17, 18 but has been especially bad this last year, I'm now 21. I just have always been more feminine, most of the few friendships I had at school have been with girls. I now mostly talk with women online. I recently have started to do some small, things, like paint my nails. But overall I am petrified, I already have enough going on as it is and I worry my feelings on this matter are just me over thinking. Like I'm 21 surely that's too late to be figuring this out, its not like I'm disgusted by my body, but I don't like body hair, deep voices, being called a 'man' and just genrally the expectations of me being a man. I recently decided to consider myself Non-binary, but I don't feel like that's the case. I'm just so confused.


Heterosexual males generally don't find hairy, masculine bodies attractive.

Concerning your gender, what would you identify as if you were the only person in the world and had never seen another person before? I don't think you would be sitting here pondering your gender. You would be going about your life just being yourself and it's ok to continue to do that even though you are aware of the existence of labels and boxes and concepts, most of which were invented by other people.



BTDT
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17 Sep 2018, 12:25 pm

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/grace-an ... 15476.html
Most are often surprised, or even shocked to hear of someone transitioning gender in their 50s, 60s, 70s or even 80s. What we see is just the tip of the iceberg, not the lifelong internal struggle, or the decades of hiding and denial, or the lying to oneself about an unquestionable personal reality. We must go deep enough to understand, because only then can we have compassion for a transgender person who has been carrying such a heavy burden in isolation for so long.
...by Grace Anne Stevens



BTDT
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17 Sep 2018, 7:15 pm

Sorry to hear that Pete lives in state with such poor health services. Maybe you could eventually move to a state with better services?

Will the NHS provide counseling to help you sort out your situation? It is very complicated because gender issues and autism issues are usually not in the expertise of mental health professionals. Ideally you would want someone with expertise in both.

Transitioning typically won't help either social issues nor employment issues. Instead, they make these issues worse. But, it might be like taking a painkiller with nasty side effects. You know all about them, but because you are totally non-functional without the painkillers, you gladly accept the risks.



CJH123
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18 Sep 2018, 8:47 am

Chronos wrote:
CJH123 wrote:
So once again my life is thrown another curve ball. To be fair this ha been in my hi d since I was around 17, 18 but has been especially bad this last year, I'm now 21. I just have always been more feminine, most of the few friendships I had at school have been with girls. I now mostly talk with women online. I recently have started to do some small, things, like paint my nails. But overall I am petrified, I already have enough going on as it is and I worry my feelings on this matter are just me over thinking. Like I'm 21 surely that's too late to be figuring this out, its not like I'm disgusted by my body, but I don't like body hair, deep voices, being called a 'man' and just genrally the expectations of me being a man. I recently decided to consider myself Non-binary, but I don't feel like that's the case. I'm just so confused.


Heterosexual males generally don't find hairy, masculine bodies attractive.

Concerning your gender, what would you identify as if you were the only person in the world and had never seen another person before? I don't think you would be sitting here pondering your gender. You would be going about your life just being yourself and it's ok to continue to do that even though you are aware of the existence of labels and boxes and concepts, most of which were invented by other people.


First: I mean that in relation to myself. I was not talking about what I do and do not find attractive, I was talking about what I dislike about myself, that finding like having these things.

Second: I can understand your view, but it's not like that. I can't just ignore that feeling, because the situation makes me feel like I cannot be myself. You could say that is just because of societal expectations, maybe it is. But it stands as of now that I feel trapped and unable to be myself.



BTDT
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18 Sep 2018, 8:51 am

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beauty_Myth
You may benefit from reading this popular book. A lot of people have made money by making people uncomfortable with their bodies. Manscaping obviously benefits companies that make razors.



Last edited by BTDT on 18 Sep 2018, 8:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

CJH123
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18 Sep 2018, 8:52 am

BTDT wrote:
Are you confusing gender with the expectations of becoming an adult? You did say 17, didn't you?

The transition to adulthood is can be very hard for those with childhood developmental disorders like autism, as the support may only be available for children.

If you don't like your body hair there is now a thing called manscaping that you should look into.


I'm 21 so. I know full well what is expected of me going forward and I'm currently getting help into hopefully seeking work. I'm was referring too not liking/doing the vast majority of things associated with manhood.



CJH123
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18 Sep 2018, 8:55 am

BTDT wrote:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beauty_Myth
You may benefit from reading this popular book. A lot of people have made money by making people uncomfortable with their bodies. Manscaping obviously benefits companies that make razors.


So your saying my feelings are due to social Infulences and companies? When did this conversation go from the topic to being solely focused on my dislike of my own body hair.



BTDT
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18 Sep 2018, 8:56 am

I may add that even when I was growing up, the idea of a man supporting a stay at wife and kids was not supported by statistics. Fewer than 10% of my social studies class had that sort of arrangement in the mid 1970s. Two income families were already the norm in my community.



BTDT
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18 Sep 2018, 9:01 am

CJH123 wrote:
So your saying my feelings are due to social Infulences and companies? When did this conversation go from the topic to being solely focused on my dislike of my own body hair.


This is an Aspie forum. Aspies typically dwell far too long on one topic before moving onto the next issue.



Chronos
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18 Sep 2018, 10:06 am

CJH123 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
CJH123 wrote:
So once again my life is thrown another curve ball. To be fair this ha been in my hi d since I was around 17, 18 but has been especially bad this last year, I'm now 21. I just have always been more feminine, most of the few friendships I had at school have been with girls. I now mostly talk with women online. I recently have started to do some small, things, like paint my nails. But overall I am petrified, I already have enough going on as it is and I worry my feelings on this matter are just me over thinking. Like I'm 21 surely that's too late to be figuring this out, its not like I'm disgusted by my body, but I don't like body hair, deep voices, being called a 'man' and just genrally the expectations of me being a man. I recently decided to consider myself Non-binary, but I don't feel like that's the case. I'm just so confused.


Heterosexual males generally don't find hairy, masculine bodies attractive.

Concerning your gender, what would you identify as if you were the only person in the world and had never seen another person before? I don't think you would be sitting here pondering your gender. You would be going about your life just being yourself and it's ok to continue to do that even though you are aware of the existence of labels and boxes and concepts, most of which were invented by other people.


First: I mean that in relation to myself. I was not talking about what I do and do not find attractive, I was talking about what I dislike about myself, that finding like having these things.

Second: I can understand your view, but it's not like that. I can't just ignore that feeling, because the situation makes me feel like I cannot be myself. You could say that is just because of societal expectations, maybe it is. But it stands as of now that I feel trapped and unable to be myself.


Society pigeon holes everyone to some extent. I was merely pointing out that you do not need to allow it to pigeonhole your self identity whether that be making you declare you identify as a conventional gender or gender non binary or gender non confirmist or trans gendered or whatever closest fit box others have constructed to categorize you.



CJH123
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19 Sep 2018, 7:45 am

BTDT wrote:
CJH123 wrote:
So your saying my feelings are due to social Infulences and companies? When did this conversation go from the topic to being solely focused on my dislike of my own body hair.


This is an Aspie forum. Aspies typically dwell far too long on one topic before moving onto the next issue.


I know, I apologize. It's just a very difficult time for me right now. It's just in grand scheme of my post it was one of the finer details. But I am also super on edge about this so that's why I just kinda jumped. I get this is an Aspie forum after all I'm an Aspie bit like I said sorry.



CJH123
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19 Sep 2018, 7:50 am

Chronos wrote:
CJH123 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
CJH123 wrote:
So once again my life is thrown another curve ball. To be fair this ha been in my hi d since I was around 17, 18 but has been especially bad this last year, I'm now 21. I just have always been more feminine, most of the few friendships I had at school have been with girls. I now mostly talk with women online. I recently have started to do some small, things, like paint my nails. But overall I am petrified, I already have enough going on as it is and I worry my feelings on this matter are just me over thinking. Like I'm 21 surely that's too late to be figuring this out, its not like I'm disgusted by my body, but I don't like body hair, deep voices, being called a 'man' and just genrally the expectations of me being a man. I recently decided to consider myself Non-binary, but I don't feel like that's the case. I'm just so confused.


Heterosexual males generally don't find hairy, masculine bodies attractive.

Concerning your gender, what would you identify as if you were the only person in the world and had never seen another person before? I don't think you would be sitting here pondering your gender. You would be going about your life just being yourself and it's ok to continue to do that even though you are aware of the existence of labels and boxes and concepts, most of which were invented by other people.


First: I mean that in relation to myself. I was not talking about what I do and do not find attractive, I was talking about what I dislike about myself, that finding like having these things.

Second: I can understand your view, but it's not like that. I can't just ignore that feeling, because the situation makes me feel like I cannot be myself. You could say that is just because of societal expectations, maybe it is. But it stands as of now that I feel trapped and unable to be myself.


Society pigeon holes everyone to some extent. I was merely pointing out that you do not need to allow it to pigeonhole your self identity whether that be making you declare you identify as a conventional gender or gender non binary or gender non confirmist or trans gendered or whatever closest fit box others have constructed to categorize you.


I understand that I really do, I often wish all these labels would disappear. But I can't help feelinging as I do, after all are we not all pigeon holed by coming on here and allowing scoeity to call us autistic? Again is that not a construct to categorize. I wish it where so but sadly I cannot just walk out the door tomorrow having painted nails and wearing lipstick and just be ok with myself, people will ask questions and presume and I cannot stop that from effecting me because that's who I am and I feel.