"Girls go to the library to look for boyfriends!"

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Learn Arabic, move to an Arabic-speaking location, become part of the Qu'ran-belt instead.
Problem solved ! Life-partners are long-term-commitments. Show you can «commit» to at least something.

Dodger, you make an excellent point.

But I think what Marknis is trying to say is he wants this to be easy, or at least easier. Personally, I’m attracted to the idea of arranged marriages. My own kids are not allowed to date before they can take care of themselves. And I’m not alone on that point. I have a flute student who told me she wasn’t allowed to date until she turned 16.

I disagree with that, but the logic is rock solid. By 16, you’re old enough to drive and live mostly independently anyway. So hopefully you’re intelligent enough by that point to navigate the risks of spending time alone with someone. I don’t agree with it because I’d rather my kids focus on more important long-range goals without the distraction. At the moment we cannot afford ANY risks in our family, so we all have to pull together and make sacrifices, even if it’s only for a short time.

Arranged marriages are an excellent solution because, 1) it’s logically possible to arrange something between two kids who are compatible and love each other, 2) it unites families who approve of each other and are willing to work together, and 3) it provides a support system that helps kids learn how best to relate to each other in marriage, which can be weird and tough the first few years, and provide a safety net for the first few years of raising children.

I’m getting old, so to me, “kids” means “progeny” regardless of age. I don’t believe in child marriage, though I do wish it were easier to get married at reasonably younger ages.

This kind of thing would render Marknis’s problems a non-issue for sure.

The downside is how the system can be abused. There was a young lady here in WP from India once who was the victim of an arranged marriage. It boils down to, I believe, his parents arranged the marriage to make him a “real man.” He didn’t like being married, so he abandoned her. I think the whole thing was a ruse so he could use her for sex.

But if you could have a carefully controlled system of arranged marriage with safeguards against that kind of thing, I’d be all for it.

I worked in the University library while attempting (and failing) to get my teacher’s certification in music education. The top floor (which was the fine arts and music collection) might as well been called “the brothel.” Thing is, it was all the Oriental students that were doing the horizontal lambada, mostly in the meeting rooms.

What I going to say is more than likely going to get me reported, and likely banned. To be frank, I really don’t 2 pints of bull excrement. Why don’t you do like I always did when I was employed: find a place to live, lock all the doors, cover all the windows, AND NEVER LEAVE, EXCEPT to do grocery shopping, go to work, go to the doctor. DON’T EVER THINK OF SOCIALIZING OR EVEN FINDING A WOMAN! IN SHORT, BECOME A RECLUSE AND A HERMIT! I’ve been doing it for over 50 years. I’m totally miserable, but I don’t know anything else, and i’m Too damn old to start now.

Then again, I’m an as*hole in most people’s opinion, so ignore me to your heart’s content.

Your not going to get banned for posting advice that you follow yourself , your post does not break any forum rules ( as far as I'm aware ) , it may not be the best advice in the world and sort of defeatist advice but it is advice none the less. No ones advice should be ignore , all advice needs to be collated and you cherry pick what works for you.

It’s not the worst advice. Take yourself out of the equation, accept your position, and allow yourself to enjoy everything else good in life. I like it.

If relationships/seeking relationships is making you miserable, take a different path.

I won’t lie. I’m married and I love it. And I’ll be the first to tell you that my life was MUCH EASIER not in a relationship than it was in one. I don’t really care to have an easier life and don’t regret my decisions. But it is HARD. The worst part of getting into a relationship is realizing you were happier without it. Been there before. I’m not calling anyone the other name for a cat, but relationships require a mental and emotional toughness we may not all be cut out for.

Agreed. Anyone who cannot handle even the slightest rejection would be unable to handle a relationship. Rejection sucks, but being in a committed relationship with someone who rejects you sucks even worse.

My first wife ( ) became dis-satisfied with everything about me after about the first year.

My second wife ( ) is nothing like that at all, even after 20+ years of marriage!

Who would arrange their daughter to marry a loser like me?
Maybe if I came from a rich family and was bound to inherit a lot.

The daughter’s parents would be even pickier than the daughter herself.

It becomes the parents choice. Mine were very intrusive in my love life.

My parents are very protective of me because of how gullible I was in the past. So they decided they were going to arrange my dates. Every one of them was a disaster.

I wasn’t allowed to date till I was 21. But I did date without them knowing anyway.


After my failed marriage (also someone I met through them(not arranged though)) they realized it’s better to let me find someone (without being too protective/selective) when I am ready again. And I think that is what works best for everyone.

Why would anyone want to be in an arranged marriage that does not work and causes a lot of grief for both partners anyway (I.e if you are incompatible)?

Last edited by Pjscrab on 08 Oct 2018, 3:13 am, edited 2 times in total.

I’d be fine with a arranged marriage

A boyfriend is not a lost puppy to be found. How dare you even quote such filth, Marknis? How dare you?!

Unless she's a 30-year-old NEET and they just want her out of the house. But yeah, probably going to look for Prince Charming. On the bright side, it's easier to look attractive to somebody's parents than to somebody your own age. Better yet if the grandparents arrange the marriage. I work at a retirement village and everyone there calls me the "handsome young man" and think all young people are apathetic bastards, so I don't have to try hard to come across as hard-working.


See, you think that, but what happens if the woman you marry just ends up hitting all the wrong notes for you? You'll feel even worse, because now instead of being alone and available, you'll be alone and have a real b***h of a time becoming available again.



Let's be frank here, when most lonely men say "I want a relationship", they're really talking about sex. They're frustrated with being celibate. They just won't say it directly because then everyone starts screaming "pervert" at them, despite a sex-drive being one of the most common human traits, one of the most powerful desires in life, and something that the vast majority of normal folks just take for granted. Most "single" people seem to be sexually active, and the ones that aren't are either the "relationship only" type or asexual. If all men wanted was company it wouldn't be too hard to find. They sure as s**t wouldn't be upset about being in the dreaded friend-zone.

But you know, guys who don't do well with the ladies are probably all a bunch of misogynistic perverts anyway, so f**k 'em.

There zero possibility for a relationship for me besides if someone arranged it so meh
At most I’m only good for some temporary sexting for women. That’s it.
No cuddles and companionship for me. no friends for me either cause everyone’s political and hateful.

I would of been too cuz I really s#cked at getting women on my own. I've been told by more than a few older people how they'd wish their daughter or granddaughter would be interested in going out with a guy like me instead of the losers she was dating. I really think most any woman would of liked me if she was willing to give me half a chance because of how good I'd treat her. I'm very loyal, affectionate, supportive, caring, ect with my partners.

You can’t assume every experience is a bad one or that your own experience is indicative of a status quo.

Having said that, there are reasons why fewer societies actually practice arranged marriage.

If you really want marriage to work to its fullest potential, there are several factors to consider. Arranged marriages were traditionally unions between families. Things got screwed up over time and it became more of a business transaction. Today we think marriage is about love and that’s the end of it. In reality, parents have a vested interest in their children, so marrying the wrong person affects parents as a liability. As parents, if you can shift your kids away from blind chance towards families you know you get along with, you stand a better chance of getting support for your kids on BOTH sides, hopefully keeping them together. My wife and I are purely making this up as we go. Her parents were great people and I miss them. They were both gone by the time we hit the 6 month mark. Her early family life was tense while her father was struggling with family drama and a domineering mother-in-law, a problem I was later to inherit since she outlived her children. My own father was...well, I’d rather not talk about it before I have more time and a couple or beers. Mom remarried. Step-dad was about the same, only less yelling. So our how-to-be-married book and how-to-parent book were written based on how awesome her folks had been in life, my mom, and a whole lot of what NOT to do.

I didn’t CONSCIOUSLY seek mom’s approval of my girlfriends. But mom did always have a way of bringing the trash into the light and exposing it for what it was. I labored hard to win her approval of my high school sweetheart. She made an attempt at spoiling her, taking her shopping, spending quality time, etc., after I gave her a good talking to. I was desperate to make those two get along. And when my mom went above and beyond all I asked and she STILL couldn’t crack my gf, I started understanding the writing on the wall. I was in another relationship when I introduced my mom and her dad. Mom said, “she’s real nice, but when it doesn’t work out...” SERIOUSLY??? But she was right, and nobody in my family really cared much for her. They saw something I couldn’t, I guess.

But when Best Friend showed up, it was night/day difference in how they responded to her, to me, and they came out of the woodwork to keep us together. My friend starts calling MY mom “mom,” started hanging out and going to church with her when I wasn’t around. It was crazy. My family was like, “we don’t care what you think. We want THIS one!” And it’s just been magical ever since.

And no, I don’t expect everyone will have the same experience. But I do think things work out the best when two people take the big picture into account. Yeah, love is great and all. But there are consequences with relationships. If your FEELINGS of love are really all the substance you have, you don’t have much. Feelings come and go. Does this enhance the quality of life for both your families, or will your families be at odds with each other? Will your mom constantly pick fights with your wife? Will your husband disrespect your parents? Can you give your spouse a better life than what they had, because every parent wants that for their children?

Arranged marriages take all the guesswork and luck out of it. It doesn’t mean anything if your families aren’t the glue keeping you together. Without that support system, without fathers teaching how to be good husbands and fathers and mothers teaching how to be good wives and mothers, without families picking up the slack when the babies come or the husband gets sick, whatever, it’s crazy-hard staying together. And that’s even the best couples. It SHOULD be easy. And the fact it isn’t is due to teenage entitlement to their freedom and parental refusal to maintain control.

There will always come day when parents have to let go. But not TODAY.

Yes but what does it mean when my family likes my girlfriend more than they like me?