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I dunno. No one has to respond. I am just thinking aloud (so to speak).



I guess that I should just let it go. But it amazes me how illogical some folks can be.

A particular coworker who sometimes supervises me and who is kind of a friend keeps entering my mind even away from the job.

But this person says things about a certain job situation that just strike me as off of the charts illogical and irrational.

And in one instance unprofessional.

We work for an inventory counting company. We go into retail stores and physically count all of the stuff in the store using little computer things on our belts and laser guns to scan the bar codes. And we wear uniforms (some fast food chain, I think that its Wendy's has an almost identical uniform). So we are in the business to business sector and we are kinda "retail once removed".

We count while the stores are open and operating and when they have customers.

Wayyyyy back when when they first hired me like 15 years ago, and finished training me and actually put me in my first store I had customers occasionally approach me and ask for help. I looked down and saw the goofy burger king type uniform I was wearing and the equipment I was wearing and kind of chuckled to myself thinking "of course they think I work for the store...I am IN the store, and I am obviously working, and I am wearing a uniform, so I guess that I have to expect that. It must be something endemic to the job". And ofcourse it is endemic.Gradually I evolved a formula for dealing with the occasional customer. A combination of helping them if I can and politely getting rid of them as fast as I can I f I cant("I am sorry. I am from an outside company that counts their inventory"). Got it down a polite professional science in a month or two. Problem solved. And then never gave it a second thought again. Its all part of a days work. Its part of what we do.

Dial ahead fifteen years later.

I am working in a small store being supervised by this friend coworker lady. And she is giving the pre store instructions to the small flock of workers(in this instance mostly young and mostly newbies).

One of the first things she says is to talk about customers who ask you for help ( its not even particularly relevant but she brought it up). And she said "I wish I could sass them, but the company doesnt allow me to do it".

I was gobsmacked that she said that AT ALL, but doubly gobsmacked that she would say that to subordinate employees, and thereby set a really bad example. I still cant imagine why she would want to "sass" customers.

At first I thought "poor girl, she is not used to this job yet", but then I realized that she was hired about the same time I was, and thus presumably had experienced the same stuff for the same length of time I had.

I hadn't given customers a second thought in fifteen years, but after that same 15 years she not only still actively thought about customers, she was EMOTIONAL about it, and was actively hostile to customers. It was as if we both entered gradeschool at the same time and now we run into each other at med school and she was still trying to learn to write her name like a kindergartener - at least on this particular issue - the issue of dealing with customers.

So when the store was done I talked to her private about it and suggested that it was "kinda unprofessional, and that you shouldn't do that because it sets a bad example". She said "the drugstore has blue uniforms and we have red uniforms". I explained that that has nothing to do with it... and we had a debate that went nowhere.

I probably would have forgotten about it. But weeks later we were working together again. She would do things like whisper things to me like "those people think we work here, That's SOooo hilarious".


While she is secretly inviting me to laugh at these folks I am secretly thinking to myself you're hilarious because you're such a no common sense dumbass that after fifteen years you haven't figured out the fact that that's what customers always do-think that we are store employees".

Long story short I would ask her to explain to me exactly why she expects customers to have psychic powers, that she herself doesn't have, and to be able to know that we are not store employees. She eventually was reduced silence , and had tears welling up in her eyes. And then she muttered "well ...when I am in a store, and shopping I observe..I observe...." whatever that means.

That wasn't the reaction I was going for. I was going for ( I know this may sound arrogant, but bare with me) "you're right. That was just a silly boneheaded notion I got into my head. Just a temporary brain fart. Your right that its not a productive way for me to view customers in stores we count" and for us both to laugh about it.

But at least she learned I figured.

But then a few days later we working together and someone mentioned a customer wanting something and she got angry AT the customer (not in the presence of the customer- she aint THAT dumb), but to us, and talked like the customer was paid staff who owed something to us.

So she was reduced to tears, but STILL clung to her notion.

Now you could claim that I am being arrogant in expecting someone to agree with me. But this particular issue is not an "agree to disagree thing". If you expect customers to have the superhuman power to know that we in this company are not store employees then you're no different than someone who expects two and two to equal seven. Its not my opinion that its illogical. Its f*****g illogical.

But my issue with this doesn't end there.

Its the fact that it doesn't matter anyway. The two of us are trying to run a business (we are low level employees but in a small store its as if we are business partners). And even if the customer behavior can be classified as dumb it doesn't matter. You don't waste emotional energy being judgmental thinking personally hostile thoughts about each customer. You...anticipate things. They may be dumb, but they are a dumb on a predictable regular basis. So you might as well ANTICIPATE that the customer will be dumb, and you mentally prepare for their dumbness and then deal with said dumbness in a polite professional manner. And when you get promoted to supervisor you model professionalism to your subordinates. You don't model being an emotionally unstable dumb cluck to your subordinates.

if she actually does not sass anybody, well, i dont see a harm done. and if u feel so uncomfortable with her jokes, well try to explicitely ask her to not joke with u? though, she might be sad at u for it. she just has a sense of humour that does not link with your own. it happens in people)))

Cant really argue with that.

Its not like she is embezzeling or taking payoffs or something REALLY serious ( more about this below).

But ..

Setting her mindset up as an example to subordinates IS kind of mildly harmful IMHO. Its not productive.
I think that she would be a better supervisor if she didn't think that way on this issue.

I dunno. She knows I don't like her mindset on the issue by now so she isn't going to do that around me any more.

There is another supervisor. A young guy with less tenure in the company, but who struck me as being "a great role model for this lady" because he had no compunction about responding to customers. Would answer their questions (calmly but briefly) without missing a beat, but kept on efficiently counting and efficiently supervising.

HOWEVER...

I just learned that this same guy just recently got in trouble for some other, rather serious stupidity. Don't know the details but I know that he got in trouble for like taking a bribe from a store manager for some kind of falsification thing at then end of the inventory of the store manager's little franchise store. Our guy almost got fired when it got revealed. So I guess even if person A is smarter than person B in one way, he can be dumber and not a role model for person B(or for anyone else) in other ways.

Why cant life be simple?

Its like I have to pick between likeing someone and respecting them. One or the other. You cant do both.

Just writing this out helps me to sort it out.

Some folks say that "if you have a problem with a person then the problem is in you, and not in the other person".

So...yeah I can see how that could be true with me in this case.

Maybe I am just angry that someone isn't partaking of my wisdom - wisdom from my hard earned work experience.

Actually its like me and this lady are fighting over scraps of self esteem with each other. Like food in a famine there isn't enough self esteem to go around so we fight over the scraps. Bodth of us have been in the company a long time, but neither of us has advanced much.

In one of our arguments in which she couldn't answer me with a good answer she went off on an angry seeming nonsequitar about how "these customers don't have 15 years of experience working for the inventory company. So that's why they don't know better..".

On one hand - she just slit her own throat (logic wise) and proved my point (if she didn't work for our company she would be in the same boat as the customer and would be just as dumb as they are- my very point). On the other hand she revealed what is REALLY bothering her. Not customers, but her lack of advancement in the company or like that.

So she should get honest with herself that that's her issue.

Don't mind me. I am just rambling.

let me explain. when a superior relates to their subordinates' feelings, they get control. being a total button-up just doesnt work. u get detached from ur people, and they dont perceive u as a person in charge. more like a fence to jump over. but if u relate to them, u establish connection. we want to do that, but we dont, rules dont let us. its everybody's mind, and letting them know she has it, she gets connected with them. and possibility of them messing up over her head goes down drasticly, because they now like her, and also respect her for being honest. and yes, noticing people in a uniform different from the store one, a smart person would guess. but most ppl go shopping with their brain switched off. okay, u are a very calm, very logical person. others are not. if she keeps her feelings (and that of her subordinates) in check, she is a good leader. i relate this, because well, i had went through this round. had been the button-up leader, and it hurt my structure. so i did let it a bit astray, and it benefitted the system immeasurably. gotta account for every sort of character, not just the most logical one)

She may have boundless emotional energy that she needs to vent all the time. Totally unlike an Aspie. Best to just accept that people are different and hope they do likewise.

hey, i am an aspergerian, and i am emotional. we are all different xD and yes, our topic starter, for all their being such a logical person, has emotions and needs to vent them too))) which is being done here xd LETS NOT put an undue equalization between thinking logically and being devoid of emotion, ok?)

That's true that folks differ, and maybe I should be more tolerant of how other folks cope with stuff even if its different from my way.

And you're on the money about her.

This gal is a very emotional person. Very over the top. Very emphatic. Energetic and talkative. And doubtless she needs to vent and kavetch a lot. And I sense she has issues in her life too. Working with her is usually an emotional experience. Usually in a good way. But sometimes she can tic me off.

She only runs small stores with small crews. And working for her can feel like were all a bunch of teens at a slumber party. We get it done but are all having a good time while doing it. And she can cause me to come out of my aspie shell and talk more. And I suppose that she thinks of herself as being honest and no bs. And that's why she says things like "I wish I could sass customers" ( screw what the suits say). But from my middle aged pov - that's all good but- once in a while its okay with me if she were to act like a parent instead of like one of us kids ( be an authority figure, and or be an example setter). For me she doesn't have to be "cool" all of the time.

But whatever. That's her "survival strategy". I guess that I should respect it.

But I don't think that her style would work with a larger store and crew.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 05 Oct 2018, 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

WELL as long as she gets results, really consider allowing urself to not worry))) its hard, i understand. u feel like being on a constant standby to pick things up. but well, its not really ur responsibility, so?) relax. or try)

She sounds like someone that gains energy when they socialize, a totally foreign concept to many Aspies.

many, but not all) we are about, having trouble with reading and sending signals correctly. and struggling with that stuff really takes energy out, so we feel drained. but if we manage to establish a connection, that works correctly (due to our skill, or a high intelligent/empathic person on the other side), it really feels absolutely different. when u hang around, knowing they understand u, it gives tons of energy. but ya, such peers are rare, and treasure.
as to on topic, ya. extroversive, and quite capable. even if unconventional, by the TS's standarts) so, ya, a relax is warranted)

Yeah. I know.I shouldn't get so worked up about it. And that's part of why I am venting about it here, and not to her face.

But...

"Unconventional" is one thing.

"Stupid" is something else.



IF you get hired to work at a weather station in Antarctica ( and you knew it was to be in Antartica) you don't go around expressing surprise that the "weather is sure cold here".


Like wise if you get hired to work for a company that serves retail store chains, and you know full well that you will be in a setting where the public will be seeing you - at work - IN a store- you cant express dismay that a big chunk of the public will then assume that you also work FOR the store. Even if it were your first week on the job you would be making yourself look like you are a no common sense dumbass if you talked that way.

But after you have been on the job for fifteen years, and you STILL get surprised that customers talk to you, and you still get emotional about it- then that's beyond stupid. you're not dumb as brick. you're a 100 times as dumb as a brick.

Its as simple as that.

And one other thing.

We get our money from our clients (the store chains), and the store chains in turn get their money from ...their customers. So those customers that she has so much animus towards are the very folks who pay her wages (and my wages). She doesn't seem to grasp that.

You can be compassionate to subordinates without being a dumbass.

If I were her I wouldn't say "I wish I could sass customers".

I would say something like "yes. Its a predicament. We are placed by our company into retail stores. But we don't do retail. So its a contradiction. Folks will see you, probably see you before they see a real store associate, and they will ask you for customer service. But the good news is that its an easy fix. Just tell em that "I work for an outside company that counts their inventory ..." and before you even finish the sentence they are usually already gone. Problem solved." Casting customers into the role of the villain is a dozen kinds of stupid, and overall it is just unproductive.