An ink drawing of how I feel being autistic
This is how I feel as an autistic adult some of the time.
I have most difficulties when people tell me one thing but want me to do something else and then get angry with me for doing what they asked.
It's not all bad though.
_________________
"That's no moon - it's a spacestation."
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ICD10)
...Nice drawing!
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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
OP, when I saw your drawing, immediately I thought of an artist/creator named James Henry Pullen, and in particular one of his wooden sculptural creations named Queen Victoria's "State Barge" - I've never seen anything like it. My immediate thought was "this man was an aspie", so I read about him and his life. Perhaps you could find a picture of the model he made, which represents his extraordinary conception of a funeral barge. If you see it, I'd love to hear what you think of it.
His life was extraordinary too. I believe he particularly represents the extreme artistic talent that a subsection of the spectrum has, innately, it springs forth from them, not from tuition but inner perception. Pullen, born 1835, was consigned as an inmate of an Asylum for Idiots in England at the age of 12. He remained institutionalised all his life, but had a successful career as an artist nevertheless, as the doctors there wanted to collect his works themselves, and allowed him to sell some works to private buyers, and he usefully designed and made furniture for these "hospitals" which were mainly concerned with what they called 'moral management' of the inmates.
Pullen was described in his asylum records as "unsociable, passionate, self-willed, nearly deaf and dumb" however 3 years later, a more attuned specialist who questioned the 'idiot' diagnosis wrote: "it appears that he possessed from an early period considerable intelligence - is he an idiot?"
There is currently an exhibition of his work going on in the UK at the Watts Gallery:
"James Henry Pullen: Inmate - Inventor - Genius" until 28 October.
Kraichgauer
Veteran
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 47,796
Location: Spokane area, Washington state.
That's a brilliant creation. It deserves to be on a wall somewhere important. You have a talent, I think some NTs would get a better understanding of Autism looking at that picture than words alone could convey to them.
The oxygen tank (I think?) into the mouth of a robotic head suggests even though this being appears mechanical and cold it's struggling to breathe. The one human eye with a tear shows sadness, the other robotic eye a fine and keen intellect that pierces through - it makes me think is that why the other eye is crying, this being sees too much for others to accept?
The please signal above the eyes indicates very open communication as can be stereotypical with Autistic people. It could be a cry for help but the tear drop suggests even this obvious message is being ignored.
That's my perception of it. I really like it.
His life was extraordinary too. I believe he particularly represents the extreme artistic talent that a subsection of the spectrum has, innately, it springs forth from them, not from tuition but inner perception. Pullen, born 1835, was consigned as an inmate of an Asylum for Idiots in England at the age of 12. He remained institutionalised all his life, but had a successful career as an artist nevertheless, as the doctors there wanted to collect his works themselves, and allowed him to sell some works to private buyers, and he usefully designed and made furniture for these "hospitals" which were mainly concerned with what they called 'moral management' of the inmates.
Pullen was described in his asylum records as "unsociable, passionate, self-willed, nearly deaf and dumb" however 3 years later, a more attuned specialist who questioned the 'idiot' diagnosis wrote: "it appears that he possessed from an early period considerable intelligence - is he an idiot?"
There is currently an exhibition of his work going on in the UK at the Watts Gallery:
"James Henry Pullen: Inmate - Inventor - Genius" until 28 October.
I've just had a look at the barge. (Thank-you for the link!) I can see the similarity. I also read about him too. I agree with you. I think he probably had Aspergers. Another similarity is that I am a trained scientist and never studied art or had an art education. I do it because I find it calming to draw and I can express myself more clearly i pictures.
I think Pullen's design was beautiful and very unusual too. I'm on our half term holiday from work this coming week so I might see if I can get into London to see that exhibition. His style looks to me a bit like the modern "Steampunk" style whicn I do enjoy.
Here's a Google Image Search of that kind of thing...
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=steampunk+gadgets&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiI-d658pTeAhVUmxoKHSxcDqgQ2-cCegQIABAC&oq=steampunk+gadgets&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3..0l3j0i5i30l2.10642.12134..12674...0.0..0.112.643.7j1......0....1.........0i67.y8ouEbRrOPI&ei=lA7LW4jfF9S2aqy4ucAK&safe=active&client=tablet-android-huawei&prmd=isvn&biw=1280&bih=800
_________________
"That's no moon - it's a spacestation."
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ICD10)
The oxygen tank (I think?) into the mouth of a robotic head suggests even though this being appears mechanical and cold it's struggling to breathe. The one human eye with a tear shows sadness, the other robotic eye a fine and keen intellect that pierces through - it makes me think is that why the other eye is crying, this being sees too much for others to accept?
The please signal above the eyes indicates very open communication as can be stereotypical with Autistic people. It could be a cry for help but the tear drop suggests even this obvious message is being ignored.
That's my perception of it. I really like it.
Wow - thank-you! You see so much in it. I just made it up as I went along and yet all the things you say seem very true to how I often feel about being autistic. I have very strong analytical mind but my human side struggles all the time and I find myself very often in a "no win" situation where I am doing everything I can to get things right and things still go wrong.
I really appreciate your insight and encouragement. Thanks!
_________________
"That's no moon - it's a spacestation."
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ICD10)
I'm glad you found a connection to the picture but sad you've experienced these difficult feelings too.
_________________
"That's no moon - it's a spacestation."
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ICD10)
Kraichgauer
Veteran
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 47,796
Location: Spokane area, Washington state.
I'm glad you found a connection to the picture but sad you've experienced these difficult feelings too.
Needless to say, WP is filled with people who have had the same experience.
_________________
-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer
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