Son diagnosed at age 18 /need help!

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Hello everyone! I am mom to a wonderful young man just turned 18 recently diagnosed with mild ASD with no intellectual disability, add inattentive type and unspecified depression. He started to slip at school in grade 9 and now refuses to attend at all because of social difficulties. He has been bullied and feels scared a lot. He is so sad and virtually unable to leave the house. He should be in grade 12 but high school is impossible.... we have signed him up for therapy ( individual) and social group therapy. He has tried many medications in the past but none successful as his underlying ASD and add were not identified. Any advice would be appreciated. Antidepressants make him feel worse. I read recently that very low doses of clonezapam can help? He tried stimulant Meds but too many side effects. We try to help by getting him out daily but he is 18 and desperately lonely. He used to love math and music but thinks so poorly of himself he can barely go a day without calling himself names. Some PTSD was also noted on the neuropsych.... went through a horrendous 10 grade year feeling like a " lab rat" ....refuses to go back to school... should we just let him take the HISET which is a high school equivalency test and then slowly let him take a few college classes close to home? He does not drive but loves to bike. What if any meds have helped you adults out there on the spectrum ? How can we help him with this diagnosis? Thank you in advance any and all advice is welcome❤️️

Could it be that antidepressants don't work because his brain chemistry is actually OK but he needs to solve his loneliness problem somehow?

Is there any special interest that could tie into some to social activity?

Meds generally don't help at all. Bear in mind that I am not a professional and I don't have qualifications to evaluate your son's medication. I'll tell you this though: after being bullied and harassed, no wonder he doesn't want to go to school. No wonder he's depressed. It's reactive depression. It'll cure faster with a change of scene than it will with drugs.

My advice is to find an on-line high school, or let him take an equivalency test. The choice has something to do with his plans for future education. Many states have on-line high schools and in many cases they are paid for with tax money. Those programs are salvation for a lot of socially excluded, gaslighted high school aspies.

I do know what your kid is probably going through, because you have perfectly described my own desperation, fifty years ago when I was desperate to get away from school. I had good grades, until social problems made it impossible for me to perform. It took years, before I finally succeeded in college after that. When I finally did, I realized my potential and showed that I was an exceptional student. In high school though, the a-holes made my life miserable and destroyed every shred of my confidence. This is the simple explanation of what's happening to your son. His reaction is normal. He's not weird, he's just reacting the same way any normal person would to systematic persecution, for being "different."

He needs your support. My mother probably was the only person who believed in me and stood by my when I had those problems. I think of all she did for me all these years later, long after she's passed on. I don't know where I'd be without her. She made it possible for me to transition to a more self-sufficient adult life where I could at least cope enough to earn a good living on my own.

Make sure it's asd-specific help he's getting from someone experienced in the area.

As you build more understanding over time you might find the social model of disability to be a better explanation for some issues, i.e. how we are treated in society can be more disabling than the traits themselves in many cases.

It'll take some time, my views evolved a lot in the 9 months since diagnosis. Subjects to get across will be varied, e.g. autistic burn out. I like this blog for its insight on that topic.

#actuallyautistic on Twitter is a mixed bag but some very insightful folks tweet there

I generally don't point people to forums off-site, however if you are still looking for more insight ,after the answers here have run their course, in this case I think the people on Reddit /r/aspergers could have more to contribute to this question, so I recommend putting it up there.

Good luck

Don't use clonazepam unless to save a life, it's addictive!

I think it is worth noting how antidepressants work. They don't remove the unpleasant feelings, they make the brain able to process them. It's common that they make the mood worse for the first few weeks.
I wouldn't force him to finish high school if he is able to have it done without attending. PTSD should be treated and he may not be able to come back to the society unless he gets better with it. A good therapist able to help him sort out his feelings would be a treasure.
There is a lot going on right now in his life and his brain needs time to process it.

As for meds, I take 7.5 mg escitalopram in the morning and 12.5 mg quetiapine before sleep. It helps me with constant overstimulation of so called "normal life" and with insomnia. But it took several trials and errors to establish the right meds and doses and it would be worth very little if I didn't work with a good therapist to learn to identify and process my emotions.

Thank you so much everyone! Bluejay your story really hit home. Thank you thank you for your advice everyone.

Agree it will take time, support and therapy. He is so full of self loathing it's breaking my heart. I'm going to just hang in there and not give up! I tell him he is not alone! But being just turned 18 I'm "mom" and I have to say that. A good therapist to work with then to start. As for medication he will eventually have to decide for himself. What scares me are the deep dark brooding on the "questions" of life. He can be very philosophical but is scared of everything!

Brooding on the questions of life is what 18 year olds do. I don't know how dark and deep it is going, but that is something you can mention to a therapist, to have them assess if you need to worry about it.

My ASD child has never used medication of any sort. Medication is for co-morbids, conditions that exist with ASD, but it doesn't do anything for the ASD itself. You have to identify all the moving parts to decide if medication is appropriate, but I don't think looking for the right drug should be your focus. Supporting your son as he tries to find his way should be your focus.

My non-ASD child went through a very difficult period and ended up testing out of high school. It turned out to have been the best thing she could have done. She was always a brilliant student, but so many issues get in the way of her being able to live happy. Once she left school, we simply let her be. No obligations or expectations of ANY kind. No suggestions from the peanut gallery; we followed her lead only. She needed that; she needed to breathe. And she is someone who has to do things on her own. Slowly, she found her way. 6 months after leaving school she decided to get a job. 3 months after that she started at the community college. She still needs to learn how to pace her commitments and maintain balance, but she is happy again. There was a time I wasn't sure she ever would be.

I hope your son will find his way. Being there for him no matter what is the most important thing.

Thank you for this great advice! He is going to try a social group/ therapy for young adults tonight. We are continuing to seek a psychologist for him to work with. He has no intellectual disabilities but seems very stuck on past events from when he was in high school and won't let go and just be in the moment. I think he has become depressed. Has tried antidepressants in the past but they made him worse especially at higher doses. Medication for the add is up to him. He seems scared to take any as he reads all the side effects and none of the benefits part. He says his brain feels fuzzy? He can't concentrate even to read a book. He seems totally fixated on the negatives in his past, the dissatisfaction and disappointment of high school. Leaving this in the past would be good but what concerns me is the complete fixation on past events. He also cannot sleep. Omg this is a huge problem since he was about 14-15. Thank you so much so what I'm getting here is that one treats the symptoms whatever they may be? Is psychosis common in ASD? Maybe OCD? He tells me he needs to get over the past when he sits and stares. I'm so worried. Will consult a specialist but thank you for the good advice!

It doesn't look much like psychosis, PTSD paired with autistic burnout seem more likely, esp. given his past of being abused.
The good news is: with some rest from social demands and a good psychologist to help he can restore to full functioning without any medication.
The bad news: it will take time and effort and a burnout may come back the next time life challenges overflow him.
The good news: once he learns to sort it out, the next time will be easier to manage or even possible to avoid.

Thank you so much for this helpful reply. In fact the neuropsych mentioned PTSD and the burnout seems to make sense. He is not detached from reality just needs the tools to be able to deal with things again? Ok I see sort of slowly but surely approach letting him decide what he is comfortable with? Yes I worry that the regular stress of life will cause more trauma. He is ultra sensitive to sound for example. Thank you so very much for replying. ❤️️

Yes, slow process of identyfying my feelings and needs was one of the most important parts of my therapy. I guess he needs something like that, too. Sorting out my past was important, too. Understanding what was harming and what was only unpleasant. What was about me and what was really about other people. I was so confused after 30 years of faking it to make it!
As for noise sensitivity – I'm older than 18 and probably less worried of what other people think... I just have a pair of earplugs always in my pocket and put them on every time I feel I need them – in public transport, restaurants, etc. But before this, I used to have a pair of noise-cancelling audio headphones. That was my friend's idea when I identified my problem with overload with noise. They look less out of place when you wear them downtown.
Just an idea.