Meeting a girl in real worl when you have zero social skills

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OrdinaryCitizen
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27 Oct 2018, 11:11 pm

I am good at interacting with physical environment, even more than average i know how to find information and navigate in physical domain, however when it comes to virtual (social) world i am totally clueless what i am doing plus i have speech disorder.

My barrier is social skills everything i do to locate the women is useless because i cannot communicate to her what i want properly and being a failure in that sense all my life i don't have what it takes to even try and start a conversation offline.

I have enough skills working with physical world to survive zombie apocalypse, but i cannot make a female friend this is killing me.

Any advice?



fluffysaurus
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28 Oct 2018, 2:18 am

Do you mean meeting a girl in the street or in a shop? this is almost impossible to do, particularly for a male.

Starting off online and then meeting up or joining some kind of interest group and getting to know girls is more

doable these days.



nick007
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28 Oct 2018, 2:54 am

fluffysaurus wrote:
Starting off online and then meeting up or joining some kind of interest group and getting to know girls is more

doable these days.
I 2nd this. I had NO luck but bad trying to get in relationships with women offline. However I met both my exes & current girlfriend on online forums(the ladder two were this one). I've been living with my current girlfriend for 6 years now. I think I communicate & express myself better online. I relate to having a speech disorder cuz I have a tremor disorder that sometimes affects my voice & can cause me to stutter & slur. It's usually not bad & some days I don't even notice it but being stressed, tired or anxious can make it alot worse. I also have social & generalized anxiety & was very stressed & anxious trying to meet women offline. I tried to befriend women offline that I knew alittle like from work or something but they were never interested in me. The women I got along with & was close too offline were older than me & talked about how they wished their daughter or granddaughter would be interested in someone like me. I had zero interest in older woman because I did NOT want a woman who would act like a parent with me. I'd much rather act like a parent with a girl than have a woman act like a parent with me thou equal but in different ways kind of like I have with my current girlfriend(she's about 6 & half months older than me) is really good too.


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29 Oct 2018, 12:16 am

OrdinaryCitizen wrote:
My barrier is social skills everything i do to locate the women is useless because i cannot communicate to her what i want properly and being a failure in that sense all my life i don't have what it takes to even try and start a conversation offline.
.

Any advice?


I believe this is what is referred to as being "a typical male".


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2018, 10:52 am

The key to meeting decent women, in my opinion, is to talk to women like they are regular people, not like they are some mythological, mysterious creature.

And "talk" to them like people when you're talking online with them, too. Talk about family, about what you eat, about novels. About your aspirations in life. Try to avoid talking about politics and religion at first.

What sort of speech impediment do you have? I have a slight stutter, which can cause problems.



Arganger
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29 Oct 2018, 11:38 am

Be yourself.
At this point, what I have learned is that if you embrace your social ineptness and learn to roll with it with confidence, it can actually make people feel more comfortable around you.
If you are constantly focused on it instead, people can sense your anxiety and discomfort and absorb it.


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killerBunny
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29 Oct 2018, 12:02 pm

So this is what helped me. It is also currently being studied for therapy . It was a shortcut. Autism didn’t exist when I was young. So I had no access to help. My therapy as a kid was getting beat up when acting retarded.

Take mdma. It made me autistic -> normal. I could socialize. I actually didn’t feel like jumping out of my skin.

Downside. Drug dealers will not sell ou actual mdma. Dosing properly is hard again due to moron drug dealers. It can make you anxious which is why I would have a beer or 2. Again , this increases your chance of kidney failure from dehydration heat. Depression. Dependency.

The effect gives you lasting perspective. It is not physically addictive. It is healthier on your system than alcohol.

It is a short term solution. It is not a long term strategy



killerBunny
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29 Oct 2018, 12:08 pm

Also ,

20 years later. I still have trouble. I cannot not be weird. It is just on micro expression level.

Looks didn’t make a difference. I am apparently as good looking as you get , I am as fashionable as you want to be without adding to weird.

That didn’t help. Honestly he sad truth is I just spent a lot of time being good at something and people have only ever initially liked me for what I do , not who I am. It’s shitty. It doesn’t get better.



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29 Oct 2018, 1:11 pm

OrdinaryCitizen wrote:
I am good at interacting with physical environment, even more than average i know how to find information and navigate in physical domain, however when it comes to virtual (social) world i am totally clueless what i am doing plus i have speech disorder.

My barrier is social skills everything i do to locate the women is useless because i cannot communicate to her what i want properly and being a failure in that sense all my life i don't have what it takes to even try and start a conversation offline.

I have enough skills working with physical world to survive zombie apocalypse, but i cannot make a female friend this is killing me.

Any advice?


I think fluffysuarus gave some great advice in seeking out some sort of interest group to join where you'd be seeing the same women more than once.

We've all seen a scene in movies or TV where a man makes a clever quip or gives a well received compliment to a woman and based on that single interaction, that scene ends with her giving him her phone number or something. That's not reality. Even if it has happened in reality, the frequency would most likely be statistically insignificant.

Since social interaction is primarily speech based, I'm not sure what your speech issue is, but trying to find some sort of group may be even more important in your case (ie seeing the same women, getting to know them in a group setting and having them to get to know you).

Off the top of my head I would wonder about seeking out an art class, cooking class, common interest group of some kind, take a community education course on a topic that interests you and just be yourself. Ask questions out loud, maybe crack a joke to the group and just go to something where you figure you may never see any of those people again, so....who cares?

I hope you do well out there.


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BTDT
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29 Oct 2018, 2:20 pm

Many people meet their partners at work (15%) according to a study published in Bustle. More than through church or hobbies (9%).



Arganger
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29 Oct 2018, 2:31 pm

BTDT wrote:
Many people meet their partners at work (15%) according to a study published in Bustle. More than through church or hobbies (9%).


I don't know how someone would meet someone at church, I mean, I go because the bible says to gather with other believers, but during church I focus on God, after church I just want to leave, and at most may give some commentary to the pastor on the sermon, and then get out.
Maybe during other church activities like bible studies, but I at least remain focused on the passage, meaning and God, the other people are barely in my vision a lot of the time unless they have an interesting interpretation that makes me think.


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Diagnosed autistic level 2, ODD, anxiety, dyspraxic, essential tremors, depression (Doubted), CAPD, hyper mobility syndrome
Suspected; PTSD (Treated, as my counselor did notice), possible PCOS, PMDD, Learning disabilities (Sure of it, unknown what they are), possibly something wrong with immune system (Sick about as much as I'm not) Possible EDS- hyper mobility type (Will be getting tested, suggested by doctor) dysautonomia


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29 Oct 2018, 3:00 pm

BTDT wrote:
Many people meet their partners at work (15%) according to a study published in Bustle. More than through church or hobbies (9%).


I met my wife at work.


_________________
"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus

"Ain't nothing but a stranger in this world
I'm nothing but a stranger in this world" -Van Morrison

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2018, 5:10 pm

I've had three girlfriends from work.

And I'm not nearly as good-looking or as smart as Kip....



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 29 Oct 2018, 5:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Kiprobalhato
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29 Oct 2018, 5:13 pm

BTDT wrote:
Many people meet their partners at work (15%) according to a study published in Bustle. More than through church or hobbies (9%).


.......
............???????


and where does that leave the other 76 percent???


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xDominiel
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29 Oct 2018, 5:19 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
BTDT wrote:
Many people meet their partners at work (15%) according to a study published in Bustle. More than through church or hobbies (9%).


.......
............???????


and where does that leave the other 76 percent???

76% are in threads like these, duh.~