Keep feeling exasperated in public lately

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Joe90
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01 Nov 2018, 12:24 pm

I don't know why but people keep really annoying me in supermarkets or in the street lately, well, only just this week, and I haven't been afraid to show my frustration either. I don't do anything embarrassing or I don't show myself up or anything, but I show frustration by rolling my eyes. But even this little hint of exasperation seems to make people stare at me, even though I see people rolling their eyes or even tutting all the time, so it's not like it's abnormal or threatening behaviour.

I just feel annoyed when people are walking slow in front of me, although I have more tolerance and respect for elderly people, but otherwise I get annoyed. And today the supermarket was unbearably crowded and I got highly stressed because I wasn't expecting it to be so busy on a Thursday morning. People were blocking the aisles and I couldn't get through, even after politely saying "excuse me". So that then made me roll my eyes, which then got attention. :roll: I'd understand it if I was swearing, yelling or pushing, but I wasn't, I was polite to begin with but people just got on my nerves, so it made me roll my eyes.

You'd have thought people would move out of your way if you show some sort of mild passive-aggressive expression, because it's like assertiveness. But people just stare. What am I supposed to do? Stand there meekly and let everyone push past me and get in my way?

Stupid people.


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BeaArthur
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01 Nov 2018, 1:35 pm

You said in another thread you have been feeling depressed lately. One symptom of depression is increased irritability, and that sounds like exactly what you have described here.

It might be time to get re-assessed. Some anti-depressants lose their effectiveness over time. Or you may be due for some psychotherapy to deal with life changes. Just a suggestion.

Hope you feel better soon.


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Joe90
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01 Nov 2018, 4:48 pm

I've been feeling rather happy this week though. When I get depressed I feel sorry for myself, hate my Asperger's, think everybody else has got it better than me, and feel socially isolated (even though physically I'm not socially isolated). I haven't been feeling like that this week, I've been rather contented and had urges to jump with joy, and temporarily accept my Asperger's (although I still always hate it).
But, despite that, I've just been feeling easily agitated when out in crowds, and I even feel like everybody's trying my patience (although they're not literally). And staring at me when I'm pissed off just makes me even more pissed off.


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Stardust Parade
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05 Nov 2018, 2:42 pm

I feel your pain! I'd give you a hug if I could. :heart:



serpentari
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06 Nov 2018, 11:01 am

this thing u describe, if i manage to tone it down to managable level i consider that a good day. more often, i cant. then again, being related to by me might not be what u want, then sorry.


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Magna
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06 Nov 2018, 11:27 am

I have a hard time with this as well. In my mind, I have a set of rules that I think ANY PERSON would agree are common sense rules that ANY PERSON should follow given that we all have to be around each other at times in public. I take being courteous to others and being aware of others when I'm in public very seriously. If I find I'm focused on something, in a grocery store, for example and oblivious to someone else (e.g. inadvertently blocking products they want) I apologize. Bottom line, I try to be aware of other people and I expect others to do the same for me. When they don't, I can get frustrated easily.

I'm not saying my behavior is correct. But here is an example of something that happened in a grocery store recently: I was in the store with my kids and I wanted to look at the chocolate section. There was a middle aged couple standing in front of that small section blocking it completely as they looked at this item, that item, back to the first item, etc.

Not a big deal, most people would either 1) choose what they want in a timely manner and move on. 2) If they wish to spend their entire day in that section (no problem with me), they would look around to see if anyone is waiting for that section and then step aside and continue after the other person has left.

These people did neither of the above. They were completely oblivious. I started to get irritated.

They lingered there inspecting many of the items in that section to the point that I said to my children out loud, not loudly, but out loud: "This is where if someone wants to look at this section of the store, people should step aside so others can see the items as well....". Yes, I did say it just loud enough where it's possible the people heard me. They did not move and carried on.......To my defense, I didn't say that to my kids right away. I felt like we waited patiently for a reasonable amount of time and we gave them their space.

I became more irritated. I felt like we were invisible. The reason I didn't just say "Excuse me, can I get in there?" or something like that is because I had not decided on a product and I wanted to peruse the offerings as well. I, however, can guarantee I would have maintained situational awareness in the event someone behind me wanted to also look.

More time elapsed. I probably made some loud sighs and a throat clear or two. Still oblivious.

Finally, they moved on. I don't think they ever looked at us (we were standing about three feet behind them in the aisle). I got what I deserved for my impatience though (karma?). Why? They didn't select a single $#@! thing from that section which incensed me all the more.

Etiquette is huge with me. Maybe I'd go as far as to say I'm hung up on it. I think as people, we should all place a high degree of importance on being polite to others and on etiquette in general.


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Joe90
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06 Nov 2018, 1:15 pm

If someone is polite to me, I'm polite back, no matter how bad-tempered I feel. In fact it makes me smile, which calms down the agitation inside me and lifts my mood. Like the other day in the supermarket I was restraining myself from exploding, and this man accidentally walked into me and he smiled and said, "oops, sorry, dear." I smiled back at him and said, "that's OK." I know not everyone should do that and I'm not expecting everyone to do that either, but it seems that I ironically have more spatial awareness than a lot of people, even though as an Aspie I'm supposed to lack this skill. While I'm choosing an item I can still be aware of what's going on around me and I move aside if somebody wants to get the same item I'm looking at, but still continue looking. Elderly people admire this about me. If the supermarket is too crowded, I seem to be concentrating more on what other people are doing than what I'm looking for. And I think that is what causes me to become frustrated. I'm often told to "block everyone out" but it's not as easy as that when you have anxiety and ADHD.

Also I hate it when people step backwards in a crowded shop, as if they aren't expecting anyone to be near them. I think what annoys me most is kids. One time there was this kid spinning a trolley (cart) about in an aisle, and there was no parents near to tell him not to do it, and the kid was only about 6. And then there was this kid with a plastic sword and he was waving it about, and you'd have thought the parents would tell him not to swing his toy about in the supermarket in case it hits someone in the face. When I was a kid my mother would have told me to stay close to her and hold on to the trolley if the supermarket was crowded, and I was rewarded with a toy or sweets if I obeyed her. If the supermarket was less busy I was allowed to walk more freely. If I shouted or acted up, she would go "sshh" or give me a warning. It worked, and if it worked on a kid with AS/ADHD, then it should work on most other kids too.


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BeaArthur
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06 Nov 2018, 3:11 pm

Magna wrote:
I think as people, we should all place a high degree of importance on being polite to others and on etiquette in general.

Beware the tyranny of the should's.


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Magna
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06 Nov 2018, 3:16 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Magna wrote:
I think as people, we should all place a high degree of importance on being polite to others and on etiquette in general.

Beware the tyranny of the should's.


I try. I try.


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"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus
"There can be beauty in melancholy; it's an acquired taste." - Magna

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Joe90
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08 Nov 2018, 7:52 am

Everywhere seems so much more crowded than usual lately, and I know it's not the Christmas shoppers because it's still too early, I remember last November not being as bad as this.

I think I'm also getting angry because the buses have become unreliable in the city where I live, even though most are supposed to come 4-5 times an hour. When I'm waiting over half an hour at a bus stop, I start to become agitated, and I so badly want to yell and rant, but I don't want to draw attention to myself. But standing there having to look normal and cool is very exhausting when you are feeling frustrated inside. So I think the surpressed frustration leaks out when I'm around crowds.


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nick007
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08 Nov 2018, 10:18 am

Do like this guy & use a bell :arrow:


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Joe90
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08 Nov 2018, 11:27 am

nick007 wrote:
Do like this guy & use a bell :arrow:



How come they don't turn around and stare at him? And it appears everybody's walking the same way in this video. That's not what it's like where I live. People are walking in all directions and at all paces, and if I was ringing a bell they'd just stare and think I'm weird. Yep, that's how it is where I live.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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08 Nov 2018, 9:59 pm

"walking slow"? The supermarket does not have a velocity quota

Your idea of "slow" is not everyone else's


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