Why am I never approached? EVER!
Can neurotypicals somehow sense from afar that I am not like them, like they sense that I am "strange" or "other" so they just stay away.
like is it written on my face
I'm not particularly ugly,( at least I don't think I......am... mmmmm heck I don't know anymore) maybe it is that I am just not attractive enough! and I am in a new country where the locals don't look like me, but still, even when I was at home, guys never approach me.
Noone does!
I'm so lonely and apart of me feel like I don't deserve this, because I'm so freaking awesome.
_perhaps I'm just delusional, loneliness can do that to ya_
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The guardhouse sits just on the moons lap like a dying child.
She whispers in the greyest of grey voice. "hush my child, hear now this is the antithesis of the end".
I have this feeling in life aswell. It is almost as if they pick up on something that just screams, avoid this person!
DANGER! I can also get the feeling everyone is looking at me at times. For a large part i do realize that is all 'in my head'.
I do not have any real good tips for you, in my experience i can be more approachable when i am more at ease. Smile a little, something i do not do often. Force a smile if you have to. (without it being creepy.. it is a thin line.)
Know the feeling, many here probably do. And i still need to figure a lot out myself, quite newly diagnosed. But i wish you the best.
People don't approach me either. I've been told that it is because I always look very tense and annoyed like I want to be left alone which deep down I do because I feel like if someone approaches me i'll just mess it up by saying something stupid...
On the other hand when I approach others they never react negatively. I've noticed I can form connections with people quite easily when I make the effort. I was on a date the other day and my date actually told me that I tend to look like I don't wanna be there or like i'm annoyed which I wasn't even aware of because I was having a good time. Sometimes we aren't aware of how we look to others and the energy that we are letting out, I probably looked that way because I was nervous which I usually am in social situations for example.
Try to be relaxed and pay attention to your body language and think positive so that you vibrate positive energy to the people around you. You can even record yourself talking at home, like vlogs. That way you can later look at them and notice your body language, facial expressions etc.
I'm sure you're a great person! But people can definietely sense if you're uncomfortable etc. in which case they'll think it's best to leave you alone. Think about it. If you see someone who's alone outside and they look sort of tense and stone faced, would you choose to approach that person or would you be worried they'd react negatively to that?
Do you put yourself in situations where guys can approach you? Do you put yourself out there through social groups or by going to bars or clubs? Do you have male friends through whom you could meet other guys?
If your life is some variant of 'go to work, go home, stay home, repeat' then you're not giving anyone the opportunity to approach you. Its rare that men will approach a random woman just out in public
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Maybe try approaching guys.....?
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"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."
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Everyone is right, I am quirky in my demeanor...... but so is everyone else in my city and in past cities I've lived.
the way they eat, the insane conversations, their attire, the way they think and act, we're all just a bunch of kooks at times. I get it. But
They all seem to galvanized in a circle OVER THERE and leave me out. Like they get that they are this and I'm that..just by looking at me and NOONE TELLS ME. like they know something I don't, something deep inside me they can sense. sniffed it out I always wonder if all these strangers I encounter are in cahoots like they hold secret councils and discuss me and my kind and teach ways how to avoid lol
or maybe they don't even know they are doing it, it doesn't matter to them
I have been told that I seem standoffish, and sometimes I omit my glasses so as to not see faces when I go on the road and go my merry way without having to force a smile upon recognition of an acquaintance. but that is a coping mech. I'm just tired of being misunderstood and accused of being offensive or worst ......stupid or crazy
I don't go to clubs or bars, (cuz ..I'm not invited) tried going places alone but it sux major ballz... .not fun
I do meet friends, can meet friends, 90% of the time I make the first move I JUST CAN'T KEEP 'EM after about 2 or 3 interactions they just go GHOST!) so, I currently have no one plus
I work from home and only go out to procure nourishment.
sooooo yeah.. how do I approach guys now?
a wise person said once.."A man will take a little crazy ....as long as she's pretty enough"
so Maybe I'm not pretty enough inside and OUT and people can tell that it seems
I'm just sick of being lonely is all.
_________________
The guardhouse sits just on the moons lap like a dying child.
She whispers in the greyest of grey voice. "hush my child, hear now this is the antithesis of the end".
the way they eat, the insane conversations, their attire, the way they think and act, we're all just a bunch of kooks at times. I get it. But
They all seem to galvanized in a circle OVER THERE and leave me out. Like they get that they are this and I'm that..just by looking at me and NOONE TELLS ME. like they know something I don't, something deep inside me they can sense. sniffed it out I always wonder if all these strangers I encounter are in cahoots like they hold secret councils and discuss me and my kind and teach ways how to avoid lol
or maybe they don't even know they are doing it, it doesn't matter to them
I have been told that I seem standoffish, and sometimes I omit my glasses so as to not see faces when I go on the road and go my merry way without having to force a smile upon recognition of an acquaintance. but that is a coping mech. I'm just tired of being misunderstood and accused of being offensive or worst ......stupid or crazy
I don't go to clubs or bars, (cuz ..I'm not invited) tried going places alone but it sux major ballz... .not fun
I do meet friends, can meet friends, 90% of the time I make the first move I JUST CAN'T KEEP 'EM after about 2 or 3 interactions they just go GHOST!) so, I currently have no one plus
I work from home and only go out to procure nourishment.
sooooo yeah.. how do I approach guys now?
a wise person said once.."A man will take a little crazy ....as long as she's pretty enough"
so Maybe I'm not pretty enough inside and OUT and people can tell that it seems
I'm just sick of being lonely is all.
I would not mind getting to know you.
My point being, i recognize your struggle and isolation. You don't seem all that strange to me because a lot of it is quite familiar. I see no reason right now to think oh better stay away from this person. From my point of view we would even have a lot of how you say, common ground?
edit: i do understand you are talking about daily life btw. just to make that clear.
I've experience more or less the same thing my entire life, as well. I'm pretty sure it comes down to body language. The very first time you meet someone, you have that one chance to indicate how things will go, and we usually unconsciously indicate "leave me alone," or something. Then it's too late, because they detect that and shut us out. Compound that because we can't read their body language either, for the most part.
I have no problems at all if I get an introduction, but I can't seem to get it right when I'm by myself.
As a guy, all I'd really need from you is a smile during eye contact to let me know you probably wouldn't mind if I tried to talk to you. (and keep in mind that there's a million reasons I might then choose not to that have absolutely nothing to do with you!)
Try placing a mirror in front of where you work, and peek at it occasionally to see what kind of facial expression you've got when you're not thinking about it. Maybe you just have a bad case of RBF, and need to consciously be in "I'm available" mode sometimes.
Avoiding eye contact and don't showing emotions like a smile towards people is the main reason I think.
I had written a little bit in this thread viewtopic.php?f=3&t=370345&start=15.
On the other side once I'm in a disco quite many of the women and girls try to approach me by rubbing on me with their breasts or shoulders once they pass me. I think they want me to approach them because of this. For this it isn't true that women never try to approach a man that they find attractive. But a bar, a club or a disco are different to other locations. Many people are less shy here because of alcohol and their competitors.
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