The "no contact" thing in today's American culture

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My ex and i decided to remain friends after our break up. And i valued that greatly. Better than totally no contact.
We would see each other from time to time, and usually it felt nice and familiar.

That contact became less and less, sometimes a text or two. I suspected she had someone else and she did not want to share that with me. And i was right, looking back. She kept that hidden. To 'protect' me i think.

After some silence we decided to meet again last month. She did say there was someone else in her life, and i was like ok. Knew that. But it was not ok... i denied still having feelings for her. So i was sitting with her in the sun with a cup of coffee. And i felt good, not because of what she told me and her holiday with him, but i felt good just being around her...

Later on i sort of lost it. My mind was catching up to the reality of it all. And my mind can take it's time. Truth is i had never let her go. She was always my special someone. Calling her a friend did not make it any different.
She even sort of confessed loving me still. I became so angry, mostly at myself. For just not getting it.

I bombarded her with texts. Because i felt this was not right. But it was me who was still stuck in the same mode. I realised this, and said we should go no contact. I could not cope with it, and she wanted to move on. In a way i also did it out of love, to let her do what she wants.

This was the hardest thing i have had to do untill now. The ended relation is one thing. Losing that friend, not knowing if you will ever speak to them again, losing that bond, was horrible. As she was probably the only one that understands me.
I don't like being dependant, but when you bond with another so much it can get really hard to let go.

Confession:

My gf did the last silent treatment (she did it few times before) a long ago after a heated discussion about the financial mess she caused to herself back then, and I literally told her and made it clear: “look, in my culture, ignoring one means a lack of respect, do that again and I will break up with you immediately”. She then explained that the silent treatement for her means she’s just sad.

Souded harsh, eh? But it worked very well, no silent treatment from her ever since, when something bothers her she says it.

Due to the political content of rdos's post, above, I am replying here in the new thread General political stance of an autistic-friendly subculture? in the Politics, Philosophy, and Religion forum.

This is what I told someone: you may be giving up on relationships but that's all the less reason for me to ignore you.

Lately I worry if it's more me or her imposing the radio silence. I think we've all become more shy than our social trends would suggest. There's no point in ascribing blame for this, it's more important to transcend division.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I agree. I don't think you're challenging the causes of this problem enough, though. The causes of this problem are the breakdown in cultural norms, the rise of narcissism as the predominant American social attitude and quite generally the not-so-rugged American individualism which boils down to "if you can get away with it, do it". In a previous discussion you had with me (I think it was you), you seemed almost to suggest that you supported these trends.

Yeah people do find it too easy to cut off people who trust them these days as I've learned time and time again. I think it's probably much much worse with online friendships and relationships, the phenomenon of people disposing their friends seems extra prevalent when they don't see eachother in person.

But here's the thing- if somebody does that to me, it's my responsibility to myself out of self-respect to do the same to them, permanently. So I guess I fight fire with fire.