I have a weird crush on a woman. Please help me out!

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97AlanD
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30 Nov 2018, 12:14 am

I have a crush on a woman who I work at Burger King with. She's a very pretty blond woman who is attractive enough to be a model. She is like 4 years older than me. I don't really talk to her much because I'm not good at starting conversations. But this crush is killing me. Like several crushes I've had in the past. I look at her Facebook alor just to see how much we have in common. I come up with these strange fantasies in my mind. What do you think the possibilities are of me having a chance with a very pretty blond girl? I'm an autistic guy with an IQ of 82 and likely have more undiagnosed mental issues and I work part time at Burger King and get SSI benefits. Does this girl sound like she's too off my league? What does off your league really mean and what kind of league would this woman be in? Like what kind of guy does it sound like she would go for? I added her on Facebook and she didn't respond to my request. Maybe it's because I creep her out or something. How should I deal with this crush?



Last edited by 97AlanD on 30 Nov 2018, 12:48 am, edited 2 times in total.

Kiprobalhato
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30 Nov 2018, 12:32 am

[moved from GAD to love and dating]


my first (unfortunate) impression is, yeah, she sounds kinda out of your "league".

but there's always that sliver of hope.
we know little about you and nothing of her so, please, go on.

ever talked to her? have you found anything you two have in common?


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97AlanD
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30 Nov 2018, 12:34 am

I'm planning on trying to talk to her at some point.



Scipio
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30 Nov 2018, 1:07 am

Generally, it is a bad idea to try to get with someone you work with/for, especially if you actually need the job and/or money. Even if you succeed in getting with them, relationships don't last long and, when they do go south, you will probably find yourself in a bad situation because either one or both of you will find it awkward enough to still be working with each other that one or both of you may try to sabotage the other and/or get them removed by management. At the very least, after termination of intimacy, the people who work with her will be hearing all her stories about how you suck (the gossip and venting stories that come after nearly every terminated relationship) and that will effect the way that they work with or, more likely, against you. It is entirely possible that things will get so unbearable that you will quit yourself and walk out before the employer has a chance to fire you because everyone thinks that you are a scumbag who makes moves on girls in the office and uses them for your own pleasure. Perception equals reality and nobody will care about your side of things if you are alone which you will be especially after everyone's instincts kick in to protect the female from the creepy jerky workplace predator. You will find yourself with no allies and, eventually, no job.

My advice would be to not talk to her as there is a chance she will perceive something you don't mean and report you, gossip about you in a negative way, and/or otherwise sabotage and undermine you by creating an unreasonably hostile and abusive workplace environment around you. If you do not need the money and/or are already moving on to a new job in a few weeks, then go for it and enjoy yourself on your way out of that job but, otherwise, pursue other women outside of work who you either do not know or who are unconnected to your work and whom you know through friends.



97AlanD
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30 Nov 2018, 6:17 am

Yeah. She's off my league. I looked at her Facebook again and noticed that she's into country music and she's very athletic and stuff. That's nothing in common with me.



Piobaire
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30 Nov 2018, 6:54 am

Quote:
How should I deal with this crush?

Let it go.
"Crushes" are not the way healthy adult relationships are formed. Healthy relationships are predicated upon a foundation of mutual respect, and central to that is respecting the freedom, agency and personhood of each other, especially the right to say "no" and be left alone. "Crushes" objectify the target of your obsession, reducing them to nothing more than an instrument to fulfil your needs. Not perceiving their personhood, you're blinded to their needs and desires, only seeing yours. Regardless of whether or not she is interested in you (her decline of your Facebook 'friend' request is a pretty explicit hint), at best obsessive "crush" feelings express themselves as an overwhelming and oppressive emotional neediness which the target of your obsession can't possibly fulfill, and signals that you offer them nothing other than perpetually urgent demands that they fulfill your needs; kind of like an insatiable emotional vampire who will suck the life right out of them. That is not the sort of thing folks look for in a relationship.
At worst, obsessive "crush" feelings, if cultivated and allowed to flower, will start to blur the psychosexual line between fantasy and reality. As the irrational becomes pseudo-rationalized, the building psychological tension of insatiable unrealistic neediness can start to involuntarily leech out as stalking behaviors. When your unwanted attention is inevitably rejected, this can metastasize into resentment, anger, and jealousy. Nothing good will come from having a "crush" on someone.
If you truly cared for her, you'd treat her with the courtesy and respect to which everyone is entitled, and leave her alone.



lostproperty
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30 Nov 2018, 7:42 am

Doesn't sound to promising, to be honest. First girl I fell in love with was stunningly beautiful, almost everybody fancied her, but she had all sorts of issues underneath and that was my way in, she related to me on that level. Unless this crush of yours has some mental health problems of her own you're probably not going to get anywhere.



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30 Nov 2018, 7:58 am

Meh...you never know until you try. I’m pressed for time and would rather go a bit more in-depth.

But since you two work at McDonald’s, here’s my concern. I used to work at McDonald’s over 20 years ago. I dunno if this is a McD policy or if it was just the franchise, but we were not allowed to date coworkers. Period. Some did, but they kept it very hush-hush. You might want to check your policies, because unless things changed since I worked at McD, and if it happens to be company-wide, romantic overtures to a coworker might be out of the question.



kraftiekortie
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30 Nov 2018, 9:01 am

There's nothing wrong with talking to this person.

If you start wanting to follow her around....then it's the time to just "let it go."

IQ, sometimes, doesn't mean that much in autism. Frequently, people with autism do very well in some subtests, and very bad in others. You might not "really" have an IQ of 82.



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30 Nov 2018, 9:04 am

AngelRho wrote:
Meh...you never know until you try. I’m pressed for time and would rather go a bit more in-depth.

But since you two work at McDonald’s, here’s my concern. I used to work at McDonald’s over 20 years ago. I dunno if this is a McD policy or if it was just the franchise, but we were not allowed to date coworkers. Period. Some did, but they kept it very hush-hush. You might want to check your policies, because unless things changed since I worked at McD, and if it happens to be company-wide, romantic overtures to a coworker might be out of the question.
He said he works at Burger King NOT MD


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30 Nov 2018, 9:09 am

Burger King and McDonald's are two very similar places.



Aspie19828
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30 Nov 2018, 9:19 am

If you want to keep your job, do not act on this crush. Build trust and respect with her and see how it goes from there. You do not want to be accused of sexual harassment if you try to ask her out. Her being out of your league is not the issue because there are plenty of ugly guys in this world that have pretty girl friends.



Last edited by Aspie19828 on 30 Nov 2018, 9:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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30 Nov 2018, 9:30 am

Talk to her like you would talk to any person. That's probably the best advice.



Kiprobalhato
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30 Nov 2018, 10:46 am

if only letting go of a crush or attraction was in any way anythig resembling "easy".


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AngelRho
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30 Nov 2018, 10:56 am

nick007 wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Meh...you never know until you try. I’m pressed for time and would rather go a bit more in-depth.

But since you two work at McDonald’s, here’s my concern. I used to work at McDonald’s over 20 years ago. I dunno if this is a McD policy or if it was just the franchise, but we were not allowed to date coworkers. Period. Some did, but they kept it very hush-hush. You might want to check your policies, because unless things changed since I worked at McD, and if it happens to be company-wide, romantic overtures to a coworker might be out of the question.
He said he works at Burger King NOT MD

My bad.