What if I said I've let go of wanting a relationship?

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Marknis
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30 Nov 2018, 3:22 am

Would others tell me not to give up and keep trying? Or would they tell me "About f*****g time!" instead? I feel like most, especially my detractors, would celebrate the fact I finally gave in to the loser title that those who looked down upon me dubbed me with.



The Grand Inquisitor
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30 Nov 2018, 4:19 am

If you meant it, and no longer felt depressed because you couldn't get one that'd be a positive thing.

Even doing what I've done and for the most part, letting go of the idea of having a relationship while you work on yourself and improve your standing in life would be in my opinion very smart. Letting go of the idea of a relationship when it's less than likely you're going to be able to get one isn't about giving in to some loser title, it's about emotional salvation, and investing in yourself. When you do get a girlfriend, you'll be able to cite all the positive changes you made leading up to that point as key to your success, and what they would describe in business terms as a return on investment. But if you don't make the investment, you can't receive a return on it.


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kraftiekortie
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30 Nov 2018, 9:34 am

My honest feeling is that you will be more likely to GET a relationship if you didn't THINK about wanting a relationship all the time.

This is feeling borne out of my own experience.



BeaArthur
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30 Nov 2018, 11:38 am

Having a good relationship is one of the joys of life. I don't think we want to deny that.

I actually think you could make a very good partner one day, Marknis. You are sensitive and principled. Honest to God, a lot of women would love that in a mate.

I would like to see you improve your general mental health and I'll bet that then, you could find a relationship. Look around, quite a few members of WrongPlanet do in fact have a love relationship even though their lives did not turn out the way they hoped in other regards.

The thing is, to move forward, you'll have to do some difficult things - try some things that are new for you. I hope you do try - things like changing jobs, getting out of your parents home, leave the Bible Belt, etc. I also hope you don't see me as one of your detractors. Good luck to you.


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Stardust Parade
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30 Nov 2018, 5:50 pm

Why would you care what people on the internet think?



sorrowfairiewhisper
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30 Nov 2018, 6:14 pm

Like kraftieKortie, I too have found, that the more I want something to happen, it doesn't. Instead of focusing on finding and wanting love, focus on you and your life! it'll happen. It's never too late.



blazingstar
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30 Nov 2018, 7:34 pm

It wasn't until I truly let go of wanting a partner in life, really honestly envisioned and planned my life as a single woman, in fact was living my life as a single woman taking solo canoe trips, that the perfect man fell into my life and we clicked like magnets.

(Mark, please stop worrying about your detractors. If I had to worry about my detractors I would be exhausted and incapable of doing anything else!)


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01 Dec 2018, 4:10 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
My honest feeling is that you will be more likely to GET a relationship if you didn't THINK about wanting a relationship all the time.

This, 100%



cberg
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01 Dec 2018, 4:19 pm

I think one can accomplish all the same positive things everyone in this thread mentioned simply by letting go of categorizing personal interactions.


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AprilR
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01 Dec 2018, 4:42 pm

I was also very stressed and rushing to get into a relationship for some time. (Until i met some guys who thought of me as a doormat who would do anything they say) But nowadays it just seems like too much of a bother especially thinking of marriage and children and all of its responsibilities. Even without marriage stuff, Relationships in general means you have to meet other's expectations of you and it's tiring.



cberg
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01 Dec 2018, 4:43 pm

AprilR wrote:
Even without marriage stuff, Relationships in general means you have to meet other's expectations of you and it's tiring.


I think it's a safer idea to mutually redefine expectations based on reality. Reasonable expectations are subject to change over & over again.


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Last edited by cberg on 01 Dec 2018, 4:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AprilR
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01 Dec 2018, 4:46 pm

cberg wrote:
AprilR wrote:
Even without marriage stuff, Relationships in general means you have to meet other's expectations of you and it's tiring.


I think it's a safer idea to mutually redefine expectations based on reality.


Yes, you worded it better.



cberg
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01 Dec 2018, 4:48 pm

Perhaps I had one epiphany but I'm not articulate enough all the time.

In other words, if you feel rejected, unpack that BS & make the most of it on the terms of the other person so all parties can stop rejecting one another. There is no one-way solution but there are solutions.


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01 Dec 2018, 5:41 pm

I'm with Kraftie. I say don't obsess over it, but don't give up, either.



Sarahsmith
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02 Dec 2018, 5:02 pm

Lots of people have been saying when you give up looking thats when you will get a partner. Well I wish that was the case for me! Ive given up looking and aint nobody showed up in my life yet. :(