Would you be willing to enter a sexless relationship?

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why the hell would i want to do that?

I'm in a sexless relationship. It's long term (nearly 20 years now) and it didn't start out that way. Warning - what follows may be one of the odder stories...but this is my truth, so I'm not open to being criticised for it. Also it was not my preference to be in a sexless relationship but I love my partner so much that it is a compromise I am willing to make. A lot of people don't believe me, but most people cannot get their heads around me anyway (shrug).

Like you, Arganger, I am a Christian, I am also gay. Outsiders would, no doubt, call me bisexual because I have been in relationships and marriages with men, but I don't have a sexual attraction for men, it's mainly been a distorted power thing due to abuse (too long a story and irrelevant here). I identify as lesbian. Anyway my partner is transitioning MTF, and I love them both in their male identity and their female identity - but I am sexually attracted to their female identity. When we were first together there was a lot of sexual activity. It was a crazy few months...then it stopped. My partner is primarily asexual, but when there is any sexual attraction it is to females, so they identify as a lesbian.

At first when the sex stopped I was devastated and felt it as a rejection of me. However, at that particular time it was a good thing as I had started a period of intense therapy for the abuse I had suffered, and I went to some pretty freaky places. Sex probably should have been off the table while I was dealing with that anyway. The therapy continued for years, and over time, and after the therapy finished, I began to see and respect my partners need for no contact in a sexual way. I also knew, as my love deepened for them, that I did not want to live without them. We are not just friends or roommates, we share a much closer bond than that. For example all my friends and my family members exhaust me after an hour or so in their company. But I do not have this reaction at all with x (my partner). Also I can quite happily use the toilet when they are in the shower, and I can barely use the toilet in another persons house! These might seem odd things but I have thought about this for very long time in defining just what my relationship with x is.

With regards to the Gay and Christian thing - that is another whole area that I am only just opening my mind and heart to. another subject perhaps, but because it is forefront with me at the moment I will just mention briefly that I have felt unaccepted in both worlds (the church and the rainbow community) but with my partner's transition which is becoming more obvious and will be more permanent, I have to tackle this head-on and have recently met with church leadership and come out to them. Watch this space.

Is summary (if you don't want to read the wall of text) Arganger - I believe you can write your own list of what you want in a relationship and as statistically improbable as it might be, it can happen.

Christian and gay is an oxymoron. The bible makes its stance on homosexuality very clear.

I said yes for the poll but I would like even more to be in a sex only relationship. Something really superficial and cold. I just don't have the emotional capacity to handle the normal part of the relationship. If I'm going to have a sexual encounter I want it to be with someone who doesn't overlap as "friend" in any way, including girl friend, and I'd rather they just be a loosely affiliated acquaintance. But I would also like it to be a willing thing. I don't like it when people have to "sell" themselves.

There are other viewpoints on homosexuality and the Bible. There are specifically 6 scriptures that deal with it, and several books that are written on the subject disagreeing that the Bible makes a clear statement about sexual orientation. I don't believe it is an oxymoron. Christianity, as Arganger mentioned is based on our salvation coming from God's Grace rather than the 'good works' we perform. It is Christ who dwells within us who purifies and and sanctifies us and it is the state of our heart that we will be judged on rather than the state of our knickers. Really don't like arguing religion, it's my business what I choose to believe, just thought I would throw that in.

There are some Christian sects which extol "good works," I believe.

The one which primarily refers to "God's Grace" as being the only determinant of Salvation, I believe, is Calvinism.

Remember: I'm not 100% sure. But I do know that Salvation through God's Grace alone, without "good works" being beneficial at all, is associated with Calvinism. Which sort of bothers me (but doesn't get me really passionate).

I am an agnostic-atheist myself.

I do know that Calvinists believe in "predestination." Basically, this means that your fate is "preordained" even before you are born.