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chris1989
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06 Dec 2018, 3:50 pm

I don't know why but I seem to feel jealous when I see couples together, it leaves me to feel like they are better than me, and living a happy time of their lives and that I am a weirdo and an unattractive loser and will never meet anyone as I don't like clubs and bars anyway. I've been on dating sites and I get don't get hardly any messages from people except views and that's it and it leaves me feel people are not interested me and I don't know if its they way I look in my picture which is smiling and have quite long hair and so on or what. At once saw someone I recognise from school with somebody come into the place I work in, I didn't speak to them and felt like wanting to avoid them.



Joe90
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06 Dec 2018, 4:32 pm

Clubs and bars aren't always the answer when it comes to meeting people. I find them to be intimidating places. I actually first met my boyfriend on a bus, he was the driver and I was a regular passenger, and we somehow just got chatting and he asked me on a date, and now it's 4 years later and we'rd still together. There was no bars or clubs needed to meet this guy. In fact I'd rather meet someone more naturally, than forcing myself into a rowdy nightclub where most men will either take no notice of me because I look too shy, unless they are drunk and only like me because I'm tarted up. No thank you.

I used to go on dating sites when I was still single, but I got nowhere with it. One guy got talking to me, then after getting to know me a little he revealed himself through Skype video chat and I realised he wasn't my type (he was Indian, and no I'm not racist, it's just that I generally go for white men because it's just what I'm attracted to, a bit like some white men are attracted to Asian women). So I gently told him that he wasn't really my type, and he got nasty with me and I deleted my account before it went any further. He lived miles away anyway.


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SabbraCadabra
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06 Dec 2018, 6:47 pm

I get that way too, sometimes, but it's been a while.

If you want to spend your life with someone else, it really helps to become comfortable by yourself first.

I know it's cliché, but it's true.


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EyeDash
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06 Dec 2018, 11:53 pm

I have gone through those sorts of internalized judgments awhile back, in fact I spent a couple of decades suffering with them, and becoming very depressed all while becoming more isolated and alone. Those judgments are very painful and there's no bottom to them - the pain I felt was not able to motivate me to change in some way that would make me feel better, even though I really focused on those "deficiencies". Some pain leads me to make positive changes (e.g. some changes in lifestyle), but internalizing the negative judgments that the socially normal make of the socially impaired really didn't help me change at all, because I'm autistic and that is a neurological condition. What did help was to focus on my assets (professional life, intelligence, compassion for animals, interest in people, etc.), to get involved in various volunteer and meet-up type social activities, and to learn how to handle social communication and situations to the best of my ability. Those situations were often quite uncomfortable and sometimes really disappointing, but over time they really did get a lot better and it made me feel better about myself and more confident. I've been married twice and engaged a couple of times too and I do a lot better in terms of getting out and experiencing life when I'm with someone. My big challenge is that I let interested women choose me, and I tend to be gullible and just uncritically happy to be with someone and that's led to a different type of disaster... :nerdy: :heart: :skull:



SabbraCadabra
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07 Dec 2018, 6:07 am

EyeDash wrote:
My big challenge is that I let interested women choose me, and I tend to be gullible and just uncritically happy to be with someone and that's led to a different type of disaster... :nerdy: :heart: :skull:

Yeah, I get that problem too =/ I try to be a bit more choosy these days.


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y-pod
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07 Dec 2018, 6:51 am

It's OK to feel jealousy. That just indicate your desires and need at this particular time. I sometimes feel jealous of people with babies. I miss having cute little babies. I'm sure an old dying person is jealous of a not so old, healthy person. Think about what you do have, and who could be jealous about those qualities.


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Joe90
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07 Dec 2018, 7:40 am

I get jealous of people with babies too. I can't see me ever having a child of my own, not with my anxieties, disorganisation and phobia of vomiting. Oh, and the 50/50 chance my baby could be born mentally challenged because autism has to be such an aggressive nasty gene that it spreads like wildfire.


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Piobaire
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07 Dec 2018, 7:46 am

chris1989 wrote:
I...feel like they are better than me...and that I am a weirdo and an unattractive loser and will never meet anyone...(I) feel people are not interested me and I don't know if its they way I look in my picture...or what.

I wonder how much of that you unconsciously project in your profile? Insecurity, negativism, self-hatred, and negative-number self esteem are universal (and exceptionally compelling) turn-offs. Eliciting pity will always be a spectacularly ineffective dating strategy.

My mate and I met on Craig's List, and as she has frequently remarked, I suck at dating. It is possible, but you have to have something positive to offer.



kraftiekortie
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07 Dec 2018, 7:50 am

There isn’t a 50/50 chance that you will give birth to a mentally-challenge baby.

Autism isn’t heritable in that sense.

Most likely, your baby would be neurotypical, or autistic without mental challenges.



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Yesterday, 3:31 pm

I'm not jealous of couples, but I would like to have a relationship someday and get married. At my age, though, it looks as though that may never happen. I can't fail too many times at my age. I'm afraid I made my emergence into the world too late and there may just not be anyone there for me. Until it happens, I'm not a believer in that "there's someone for everyone" fairy tale.