I am feeling overwhelmed

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Right now I feel overwhelmed still by the thoughts I mentioned below in the last thread, lying on my bed at 2:25 in the morning and feeling the need to cry in order to feel better, I don't feel any need to celebrate new year's eve or day. I feel like I am an underachiever who never graduated from university and a failure who has achieved nothing and having regrets that I didn't have the mindset at the time to achieve something in the 20s and envious of those in their 20s who are or doing it right now and a part of me feels I hate my Asperger's for it.


Last Thread: I can't seem to get over this worry about the year ahead and being 30, I seem to feel that when you're that age or over you should stop having as much fun as you did in your 20s, you should behave more grown up (that does not mean I'm not grown in the 20s), settle down and think about life more seriously, and that I must find a partner soon and get my own place (even though I still don't want to because I don't want to live in a flat on my own) otherwise by 35 or 40 and over it's too late. I seem to think other people have achieved more in their 20s than I have and have right now a great life with a great boyfriend or girlfriend with a great job and career they've always wanted which I still haven't achieved, got a place of their own which I don't have, drive a car and a drive but only passed my test last year at 28 and I feel that I am less of a man because I've been lacking those things. It frustrates me and I don't if I'm self imposing pressure on myself and that I shouldn't and trying too hard to compare myself to others, my dad told me that I ought to think about it being a bit more independent. He is aware I have Asperger's but not very severe as some other people.
What does an adult person who is 30 or over 30 do differently that someone under 30 does ?
Its though I must stop doing something over 30 because you're too old to be still doing it than someone under 30.
It feels like 'what have I done with my life already?'
I seem to even feel slightly jealous of my sister who is 25, who works, has been a relationship and so on and that she still has another 4 years to enjoy life until 30. I am not depressed as I am still able to go and do stuff every day I just get very frustrated and upset that I don't meet or haven't met certain societal expectations.

Turning 30 is hard. It kind of catches you by surprise and you suddenly realize you aren't 20 any more, and you wonder where it went. I also had some difficulty wrapping my head around turning 30. It helped me to start imagining I was 30 several months ahead of time, so by the time it came around, I felt exactly the same the day after I turned 30 as the day before.

While it's good to re-evaluate where you are in life and think about your goals, make sure it is YOUR goals you are thinking about, not someone else's and not a comparison to someone else. One thing that I think is a pretty fairly constant for all of us on the autism spectrum is that we move and develop at our own pace, and often lag behind others in meeting milestones. This starts when we are small, and continues all through life. Think about what YOU want. Are you happy? Are you satisfied? If not, what do you need to be so? How can you get it? What will be a happy and successful life for you might look very different than someone who doesn't have asd, but that doesn't mean that you are a failure, not succeeding, or not living a fulfilling life. What that looks like for you might look very different than for another person.

30 is not too late. You still have all the rest of your life to meet the goals you want to achieve.

I will be 30 in 2020, which will soon come. The years go quicker as I get older, and I do want to stay in my 20s forever. It's not because of what I've achieved and what I haven't. It's because of my brain being unable to catch up with my age. Ok I'd say I am mature, as in responsible, sensible, independent, etc. But I can be childlike, and because of ADHD I can't always sit still and I can be hyper in a childlike way, like swinging on doorframes. I know being in your 20s is still too old to be swinging on doorframes, but being 30 makes me feel even more too old to do certain things. Also I miss being in late teens/early 20s because I feel that you can get away with being naive or irresponsible still. Like I know a 21-year-old who is childish, but my boyfriend is like, "oh she's only 21", but he has a relative who's 28 like me and he often criticises his relative for taking drugs, he's like, "he should have grown up now". But many people much older than 28 take drugs, I didn't think it was a childish thing to take drugs? I know a man in his 50s who takes drugs and nobody criticises him because of his age.