I never put enough effort into anything.

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I have a history of starting long-term things and quitting on them very quickly because I get lazy and stop doing them. There are a lot of times where I'm lying or sitting around and I know I need to be doing something, but for whatever reason it feels physically harder for me to get up; like my body is inexplicably heavier and more sluggish.

But in regards to long-term things, what stands out the most is my stuttering. Ever since late elementary school, I've had a stutter of some kind; it has changed and shifted over the years, but hasn't really gotten better. My parents have had me meet with at least three different speech therapists who gave me various methods to talk more smoothly, but I've never done any of them in my daily life much because when I'm talking with someone, my mind is too preoccupied with speaking to remember to speak a certain way. More recently, I watched a video where a girl who stutters asked a former stutterer how to talk more fluently, and he gave her a specific practicing method, claiming that her stuttering would be gone in a matter of months if she dedicated herself to it. I want to try it myself and I know that I probably could anytime I want, but I still haven't started (partially because I don't want my parents to hear me do it).

Something I've noticed is that, when I recall something that involved me talking, I don't remember stuttering at all, even though I probably did. It's like I subconsciously ignore my stuttering, which may also be why I get so upset when I'm talking to my dad and he says something like "Just say it" or "Come on, Come on, talk faster", because it reminds me of something I keep trying to avoid.

That's all just one example, though. Another is how I made a list of all the things I like about myself to read when I feel sad, but lately I've been too lazy to actually pull it up, and I just tear up on my bed instead. I watched another video a while ago that was about self-improvement in general, and it suggested that, before I make a decision, I should think to myself "What would my significant other think?" and go with the option that this theoretical person would approve of. I think it's a good idea, but every time I try it, my impulses still win out. I think it's because the incentive is only artificial, since she isn't actually there.

It really feels like I'm never going to become the person I want to be, because I don't have the willpower to leave my comfort zone for long enough. Someday I want to make a videogame and maybe write a book, but I can't help but think that those things are unlikely to happen. My friend says that she feels lucky to have me in her life and that other people should feel the same way, but I just wish I felt that way.

I think willpower is the ultimate key to quality of life. There are a number of excellent books on this subject. I also have my own personal methods which work rather well. PM me if you're interested.

According to "conventional wisdom," stuttering is a psychological disorder because stutterers generally speak fluently in low-stress situations, and stutter in high-stress situations.

It is so common for Aspies to endure multiple layers of stress that our middle name should be "Stress". So off hand when you endure stress it builds up in your body. Too much stored stress can lead to stress overload and distress. It must be relieved. How many limbs do you have? Most people would count their arms and their legs and come up with the number four. But you really have five. The fifth is in your neck. So stuttering from my perspective means that you have to relieve the stress that is built up in your neck. You need to vent the stress in your neck muscles, vocal cords, and jaw. The best way to accomplish this is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But you have to do this in a socially acceptable manner. I live in the country and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about, I call my dog very loudly. My voice carries about a mile and echoes back to me from the nearby hills. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. You might try howling like a wolf at the moon. There is a person on this site that howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations in New York City. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

I think that might actually be true in my case!

As for coalminer, are you sure your goals aren't just simply too big for you to handle as you are now? That you haven't set the bar too high? Think this over and if the answer is yes, try to set easier, shorter term goals for the time being. I have a habit of aiming a bit too high and then getting depressed when I fall flat on my face, maybe it's the same for you?

I typically set modest short term goals for myself.

I remember when I was too weak to dig a garden stake out of the ground. It took over a year before I finally removed it. These days it would be gone in ten minutes, and half the time would be spent getting the shovel!

I too have problems finishing most of my projects. To say that I don't put enough effort into them though, would be untrue. Usually I start the project in a very obsessive manner, manic even. One day I just fall depressed for one reason or another - that may or may not have to do with the project itself - and hence the works will remain stalled indefinitely.

My problem is Im too lazy to start projects to begin with. When I do start a project I finish it most of the time but I hate it all the way through because Im so lazy. Most of the time I do nothing because Im lazy.

Its so nice you have a friend that cares about you. You are very lucky to have that.

I dont know, maybe your just lazy like me. Why do people have to constantly be doing something? Why cant they just meditate all day. ( In otherwords do nothing)

Sarah

Yeah I am lazy like you

But I was a workaholic in college

All that work and then failure

You do not have to constantly be doing something

But some people act like they do

Maybe it makes them feel more important

"Loss of interest" is a symptom of clinical depression


But since when was anything so interesting ?


Likewise, a job and school take a lot of time and energy

Working hard is a character strength


But working hard at what?


Not all activities are equally justified


I just don't see the point, at this point


Besides I ain't good at anything

I'm not sure that it's a matter of willpower.

It could be executive dysfunction/ADHD, anxiety, maybe depression. Maybe a combo. It's complicated. Anyway, I'd suggest asking a real doctor about this stuff if you are able. Anxiety and ADHD have prevented me from starting and finishing goals for most of my life. I'm almost 30 and I'm finally getting a lot of it figured out.

I don't know what kind of healthcare access you have, but I strongly recommend you do this one thing.