Anime convention experience ended in failure

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At the end of the previous year, a friend and I attended an anime convention to try to end the year out on a good note; I especially hoped for that. Unfortunately, I only ended up staying a day and this friend had to drive me home.

Even when we were standing in line to pick up our badges, I was feeling anxious about how the convention would go. No one judged me but I felt like the odd man out since I wasn't cosplaying and I didn't have any special skills like the other people were exhibiting. The anxiety got so bad that I couldn't even sleep in the hotel room.

I was trying to tell my mind that I was supposed to be enjoying the experience but it kept fighting against me. My mother's voice was in my head telling me I was wasting my time and the Bible Belt's voice was telling me I should be doing "manly" things like redneck behavior instead despite how a lot of things in anime and manga are "manly". Even when I did talk to others, the conversations would fizzle out and I would get left in the cold. I was glad to see girls my age engaging in cool things instead of trying to be "good girls" like most of the ones I've encountered in the culture I live in but they already had company with them or boyfriends.

2018 ended in failure just like every year before.

I have a serious question, Mark, and it is not meant as a put-down. I hope you will think and try to answer it.

Why do you always post such depressing stuff? Doesn't it actually depress you more?

I mean, I get that you are depressed. But it seems like you wallow in it. Are you hoping someone will give you a little attention? Even if they do, you just insist there is no hope.

I think you should start posting uplifting things or even emotionally neutral things, perhaps in News and Current Events, or Random. Try to get conversations going. Engage in a little back-and-forth. After a month like that, see if you don't feel a little better.

Or is your entire experience wrapped up in how unhappy you are?

I don't view it as a failure.
You went to a convention with a friend, you spoke with people, you derived pleasure from watching others enjoy themselves.

I read a book recently about how the brain is hardwired to focus on the negative.
This developed for survival purposes, because negative experiences are more likely to require a fight, flight or freeze response, even though that rarely happens in these less caveman like times.

It suggested when reviewing an experience such as you described to try and look for ANY positives and focus on the emotion connected with that for several minutes in order to train the brain to shift towards positive focus.

It was an interesting book, it's called Hardwiring Happiness by Rich Hansen.
A bit overly positive in some places for an emo such as myself, but it did give me something to think about.

I like manga and anime too. I've thought about going to conventions but always rejected the idea because I would have to go on my own or with strangers and that idea by itself is terrifying. So I say way to go you that you even made it a single day there.

Sweet Pea hugs

I remember going to a cosplay party years ago and not talking to anybody besides the friend i went with. It's okay to be stressed you can't really help it. Don't beat yourself up.

Word of advice: Next time go in costume. Become part of the fantasy.

I would not call it a failure as you did get to interact with others. This gives you experiences to build upon should you ever decide to go again (something I recommend). I think you set your sights too high and was expecting too much the first time. If you go again, do not force yourself to have a set goal, just try to enjoy yourself. By not having expectations, it should decrease the pressure you feel. For the record, I have not been at an anime convention before, but have heard that they can be interesting to go to. I do go to comic cons when I can.

What were some of the anime shows that people were talking about?

Dragon Ball Super, Naruto, Death Note, One Piece? I don't know many after that.
I don't watch anime myself but I have watched it when other people wanted to.

The fact you had conversations with people and a friend to go with is better than I would have done, I would have stood alone looking creepy.