Another socialization failure

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I tried to socialize a couple hours ago with a MeetUp group I am a member of. My experience with the group has been very hit or miss, being more miss than hit lately. I went through another miss and I am beginning to feel like I really should just become a hermit or kill myself. No matter how hard I try, I always fall out of conversations, I sink into the background, and I am still depressed.

Maybe that meet up group consisted of more extroverted people? From what i know those kind of groups have lots of too self-confident people sometimes. Just because you don't fit in these groups doesn't mean you dont fit in the world also. Being a hermit is a perfectly good life style in my opinion. Killing yourself not so much!

One on one conversation is much easier. I get overwhelmed and lose focus in a large group of people such as at a party, and thus much prefer the written word when dealing with too many people. Then it's all in black and white and you can edit responses if you feel you said the wrong thing.

Fortunately my BF is quite introverted.

You need a girl who has eyes only for YOU and wants to be with you. This is an achievable goal. If some others on this site, myself included , can meet their soul mates, you can too.

Dont feel bad. I went to a group thingy once. It sucked. Everyone seemed to already know each other and they were loud. Then everyone wanted to play board games which I dont like. At least they had free juice and snacks which was the only point of going.

That's true - the problem is not you. The problem is groups. They're just not meant for each other. The first suggestion about making friends is often 'join a group', which is a horrible idea if you're not an extrovert.

Yeah at least you gave it a try Mark. Im proud of you!

Yep....Better to have tried than to have not even made the attempt.

That happens to me all the time....people ignoring me while they are doing their "group thing."

This is why "phone on Internet" was such a wonderful invention!

How long have you been in the group? Maybe you just haven't been around long enough for people to take notice of you.

One thing you could try is after the group you could try talking to one of the members one on one. Though you aren't a fan of what they discuss you could always go research on what topics they were talking about. Yeah, you might not have as much fun talking about Star Trek or whatever else they talk about but if you do research it will show that you care and want to be involved. Someone might like that and notice you and start trying to figure out what you like!

You’re not alone, it’s a common aspie problem. If I don’t generally kick up a stink people act like they can’t see me.

Have comfort in knowing your struggle is real, and others feel your pain.

You’re worth more than you think you are.

Most Aspies but not all are introverts. We charge our batteries by being alone. But extroverts charge their batteries by being in groups, having parties, meeting up with lots of friends. In their conversations they will bounce from one person to another, each time adding a little bit of charge to their batteries. It is the way it is.

I am an extreme introvert and I am happy being an introvert. My wife is an extreme extrovert and she is happy being an extrovert. It is important for me to allow her to be the best extrovert she can be. If I lock her away in a house and restrict her from developing new friendships, I will break her. So it is important for me to encourage and expand her social network. When we moved into a new housing development, none of our new neighbors came by for a visit. I could see that they were all waiting for someone else to break the ice. So when I got home from work each day I would take my wife in tow and walk over to a neighbor and knock on their door and introduce us and invite them over for a cup of coffee. About half of our neighbors were glad to meet us and they immediately invited us in for a chat. They became instant friends. This may sound like a strange thing for an introvert to do. But I am fearless but my wife is not and besides I didn’t really need to socialize, I just needed to introduce ourselves and then stand back and let my wife do all the talking. It is a good mix because our skills when joined make the sum total stronger than 2 individuals.

So one approach for an introvert to socialize is to tag team with an extrovert. You can sit in the corner quietly. Eventually the individuals in the gathering will notice your existence and try and include you in the mix. Because you are so different than others, they will try and figure you out. They will think you are very cool.