As a guy ~

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I really don't think I can talk about how I feel on here anymore. No one seems to care. If I say I'm lonely I'll be presented with rationalizations on why I deserve to be lonely.

I'm feeling nothing, is that good enough?

I'm not here to whine but that's the only characterization you'll probably apply to me anyway so I think I'll leave. Perhaps I'm venting on a personal note but I think single guys with ASD are being treated like defective merchandise.

This is a thread for talking about guys' concerns instead of just calling us substandard because blah blah blah. I think silencing lonely people is cruel & unusual.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I'm a guy, so you can rest assured I won't judge you for how you feel in this way. I don't regard what I see of you as someone who is perpetually declaring that you're lonely and perpetually asking for sympathy, so you're either not doing that, I'm not seeing such posts from you or a bit of both.

My personality (it drives my wife crazy sometimes) is that of a "fixer". I have a problem or hear of a problem and my instinct is to think of how to fix it.

If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to ask you a few things about your issue:

> What kinds of things specifically are you doing now or have you done in the last six months to meet someone romantically?

I might ask a few more questions, so if you don't want me to ask anymore, just tell me.

My Mom died a year ago. My Dad is understandably still grieving her loss which involves some serious moping and an overall negative attitude about life. There are great support groups consisting specifically of older widows/widowers in his exact same position. I have personally talked to a member of such a group whose husband died several years ago. She said joining that support group was the best thing she'd ever done. She said another member of that group waited a year to join that same group and said she'd wished she'd joined right away it's helped her so much. One of my coworker's has an ex mother-in-law who also joined a similar group and said she is so grateful she did that. I have urged my Dad to try such a group even if it's just once. So far he's refused and is simply "spinning his wheels". I am fast losing sympathy for him. If he's not willing to take any measures to help himself, then that's unfair to those around him.

In no way am I saying the following about you (I mean this sincerely), but there have been members here over time that have given the same lamentations but rebuff/discount any advice given to them and simply continue with the same lamentations ("lather, rinse, repeat"). When I see that kind of pattern, if it truly is that kind of repeat pattern...I'm out.

I wouldn't want you to be distraught at not being able to find consolation through others. You sound, from reading your posts, like someone with a first rate intellect; it's the lot of such people to be alone in life - "it's lonely at the top" as the saying goes. This applies to all superior people, but particularly those superior on an intellectual score. I can assure you, from what little personal experience I have, that most people aren't worth getting to know, in either a romantic/sexual capacity or a Platonic one. Humans are generally cruel and irrational, but when the sex instinct is involved, this is doubled. I can only advise that you learn to tolerate loneliness. This is rich of me to say, as someone who loves being alone and always has done, but I believe that the spirit can, as it were, overcome the flesh (I mean that in a completely secular, materialistic way). The need for others - particularly when that need is sexual in nature - is an ugly, maladaptive vestige of our primitive state and better left behind. We're told that we can't argue with nature and that, among other things, the sex instinct cannot be eradicated, but I don't believe in fate; I think everything psychological can be changed with willpower.

Call me as smart or as dumb as you want, I'm some of either but I'm not superior to anyone because of anything I know.

I'm well aware I'm not talking about rational inclinations, I started this thread to figure out how I can articulate myself better without depressing anyone & not to reinforce my isolation.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

As a guy, I am finding out that every time when I show the least care for someone, the latter abuses it and attempts to treat me as a doormat.

Yeah, seconded. I'm a forgiving person but it takes a lot of effort for my friends to live that kind of thing down.

So far I only really know one woman whose shenanigans of this kind I can tolerate & that's because she actually does something about my shyness. Not too many other people ever really touch me.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I guess with the exception of my social life I'm pretty good. I skied 10 vertical feet yesterday & my job can be fairly nice.

Not that all the money & adrenaline in the world can really replace someone who knows me. I'm posting this because of her.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

You seem to care too much for this one, you keep talking about her.

I advice you to think less of her, because you can never know when someone backstabs your trust.