I miss having a close female friend

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Hi:
I decided to write on here today about a close friend who I fell out with five years ago because she decided we were not compatible next to feeling that the relationship was getting toxic. I also accept that she was not a supportive friend in addition to abusive and very destructive. Though I have friends now, I miss having a close female friend who I can really share things with. At work, there is a group of women who have become very close to each other and there have been a few times where I have wanted to join but every time I do, they are always having private conversations with their close female friends.

I envy my female colleagues because they have someone to have lunch with while I am always the odd girl out and I am sick of it. I would love a close female friend at work and just one, maybe two, who I could go to lunch with. Then outside of work, go out for coffee, see a movie together.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I totally understand, I feel the same way. I've never really been able to make friends at work, I'm always the odd one out. It's hard work to maintain friendships as it is, and I think it's harder when being on the spectrum. I hope that you make some good close friends soon, and remember that you can always talk to people who understand on here any time.

I have female friends in my life but they live far away. Rather I am talking about someone around here who I can go for coffee with and maybe catch a football game or something. I also have close male friends who are like my brothers. I do have female friends but we aren't close. I haven't really had that since my closet female friend cut me from her life.

I recently had been getting to know a woman who I have a lot in common with who I am close in age with next to getting to know her husband and their kids. However, her husband is very controlling, abusive and picky as to what his can wife can do. He decided that he didn't like me and showed that disapproval by shouting at me to "Leave!" at the beginning of last summer.

As for the work culture, they are very cliquish at work right now and it bothers me because they are supposed to be working at a center for inclusion. I usually avoid them. Today, I attempted to reach out to two of them who I usually get along with when it's one on one. Anyway, I attempted to try and reach out and I asked if I could join them and it was, "No we are talking about personal things." So I left and ended up spending the rest of the night crying. It's not just that, a whole group of them walked back to the office together after a special event.

there is a tragic tendency for toxic relationships to repeat. such as, a person has some traits, that make them an easy target, so they keep finding themselves in really indeed toxic relationships. and being able to tag them as toxic is allready actually great. some of us dont even realise, and consider being abused as a norm. because knowing nothing else. next step would be, finding what exactly makes one vulnerable to social predators, and thinking out how to protect that side of themself, and how to early-detect an attack, before it has devastating consequences. also it is important to understand, that an abuser is never ur friend (or add any other positive connotation). they are actually an enemy, feeding off ur resourses (emotional or otherwise), and its not a falling out, its a "thank f**k, freedom". ofc there can be false positives, wrong assessments etc, but the summer twilight i see here doesnt look like somebody, who would slander other ppl. she looks like somebody, who endeed can be a victim to repeating offences from social monsters. please be careful, please hold on.

Thank you so much and I definitely don't slander other people and yes, I have been in one abusive situation after the other. I have been trying to find peace in my life and meet people who are nice and capable.

summer, hold on. im here. also, "maintaining" "relationships" with social predators only means, feeding them again. with urself. dont do that. u need to be careful with ur contacts, as u know that u somehow attract abusers (so do i, i know that feeling. i dont want to go over the details, im working on it). dont open to ppl fast. ur need for contact with other ppl would prompt u to do that, and that is how u get in danger. a legit friendly person will respect the borders u set, and give u time to open naturally. social predators allways try to rocketboost it, and sometimes they f**k off if they dont get what they want fast. there is allways a possibility of someone just like u, who'd also try to rocketboost friendship for honest reasons, but without being able to distinguish between types, play safe. on the side note - i dont have female friends, somehow. all my friends happen to be male, and i discuss all different sorts of stuff with them. attuning to each person and their interests, ofc. we just dont act on gender protocol in friendship)))

I did a bit of thinking and recently I recently connected with a family from my last synagogue, which was not the right fit at all. I appeared to clique with them because we had a lot in common. I even started playing D&D with the husband and his friends. Then I started bonding with his wife and we seemed to have the same connections that reminded me of my last close friend, who I fell out with a few years prior. That relationship turned out to be toxic too. They disappeared and stopped inviting me over to their home
1. The husband had a bad temper and was very destructive - His wife, stepdaughter, and even I walked on eggshells around him.
2. Every time I wanted to let out my feelings and talk to them, they constantly kept lecturing me on how I "Get offended all the time"

What I realize though, as reading some content is that this was perhaps a rebound friendship and it was not meant to last forever.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 13 Feb 2019, 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

well, there is a friendship (such as, the people who would hit u on the head hard, if thats the only way they see to prevent u from harming urself harder), and then there are acquaintances - ppl u can hang out with with good mutual fun, but bonding can prove perilous or ruin the hangouts. and then ofc there are ppl, who start the contact with malevolent intent. second type can grow in first, and then it can not-grow. let go of contacts, that didnt work out for u. nothing wrong with that. (and yes, i perfectly understand i myself could be such contact. i accept that ^^)
be safe.

The last time I was over that their house, it was clear that the husband didn't want me there because I did things that bother him. He was snappy about that. Then when his wife was getting ready to bring me home, we were down in the kitchen and he was putting the kids to bed. He shouted at us to "LEAVE!" I thought it was very rude. Since then, they have not called me or invited me to anything else. Honestly, I like the wife and her kids but I lost my interest in him because he's mean. He is not good for her period! I feel sorry for her as this is the second relationship that I know of that she has had an abusive mate.

well we cannot decide what mate is good for another person. he did sound rude, but thats the sort of rude, that could happen for anybody. frustrated. tired. ppl get snappy sometimes. doesnt ultimately mean he abuses his wife. i often snap at my friends, and they snap at me, and we dont bother noticing that, and it doesnt harm friendships. just the way we communicate, allowing each other those outlets and not taking them to feelings. but if that way of communication doest suit u, well dont communicate with that person))) (and, not being reached out to, well, MIGHT mean that this arrangement is closed) either way u will meet ppl, who would suit u) sooner or later, depends on how much ppl overall u meet. hold on and look out)

You’re 37... so I can relate.

Beyond the age 32-33 it becomes extremely extremely difficult to establish new friendships; everyone of this age range become busy with their lives and stick to their own social circles; and don’t seem willing to expand socially.

He gets frustrated over every little thing and takes it out on his wife and stepdaughter. He is also very mean and has said some very nasty things. For instance, he puts his wife and stepdaughter down and call them all kinds of names next to guilt-tripping them for everything. He is also extremely self-righteous. His wife is afraid of him too based on our conversations. At the same time, she is trying to make it work with him. I never felt full when I was with her

Face of Boo, it's funny, I was 32 when my last really close female friend and I fell out after 8 years of friendship.

well, okay, i didnt see those ppl. i have a bad tendency to allways look for some good explanation, till i run out of them, ya xD either way, sadly, a person, who doesnt want to be saved, cannot be saved. even if they really do need saving. walking out of situations like that is really painful, but u dont have a choice. its not ur life there. u cant unf**k it without the consent of the person. sad, but true.

Actually, when he shouted us to "LEAVE!" I tried giving it the benefit out of doubt too because he was putting those kids to bed. Then when he just didn't contact me anymore and I wasn't invited, I got the hint that he is a jerk. I was upset because I thought they were my friends. At the same time, I don't have to put up with his rude behavior.

well either way, that arrangement is over) and if u didnt like the man, then maybe for the best)

I think so too and as I said, I was walking on eggshells around him. There were several times where I was on a roller coaster in regards to emotions. Especially the last night I was over there. At the same time, I miss his wife because we have a lot in common and it was nice to find someone to laugh with.