When it comes to Eye contact...

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Difficulty with eye contact is one of those hallmark symptoms for an ASD. This happens to be one that doesn't apply to me, so I have a curiosity for those that do have trouble with it:

Do you have a difficult time just other people or does it apply to animals as well? What about looking at yourself in a mirror?

It depends a bit on the people. For me meant eye contact nearly my whole life direct agression. I did eye contact only before I started to fight. I feel nearly no empathy and for this it's not easy to get the feelings of other people. Especially several emotions that I don't have my own. I wasn't used to show myself any positive emotions towards others. Once I was young guys took my looks always as direct agression. How do you feel if sombody stares direct into your eyes without showing a bit of a positive emotion? I didn't do it towards girls because I didn't wanted to scare them. I learned how to do eye contact not even two years ago. I didn't even know anything about Aspergers and autism until then.
Other people here have a problem with this because their empathy causes them feelings if doing this that they dont want or wich render them unable to clear thinking. I tried already a lot to help others here with this. May be you could help them even better.

Animals are a different thing. Not even few animals take eye contact as agressions. Cats show a lot of emotions in their eyes. It's a funny thing. Not even few dogs are really good to in reading facial expressions. Give them a big smile and show joy towards them at first sight and most of them will like you. The facial expression of agression is nearly the same for dogs, cats and humans.

Its like a slightly meaningless intense concentrated stare



I didnt recognize what i was like until like 28 coz they judge you with their slightly dumbfounded slightly contemptuous look ..

I find eye contact with people anywhere from uncomfortable to downright intimidating. I can force myself to make eye contact when necessary, but get by looking at the mouth or other facial feature. Eye contact with animals does not bother me.

Usually, with people, it is like looking into The Twilight Zone, they are so different. After a verbal meeting of minds, it can be nice. With animals, it is usually rude to hold a gaze.
Various cultures have a big variation in eye contact rates and attitudes.

I usually have a hard time understanding what people are saying if I look them in the eye while they are talking to me. I think it's that their facial expressions are too distracting for me to try to interpret their words at the same time. I try to make up for it by glancing at them for a couple of seconds at a time, then looking away. I will often nod my head or say "right" or "yeah" so that they know I'm still listening. I don't like maintaining eye contact if no one is talking because I'm afraid that they will think I'm staring at them and being weird.

I don't have a problem meeting my own eyes in the mirror. Looking animals in the eye isn't really difficult for me, but I think that they usually interpret it as a sign of dominance or aggression. My dog looks away from me and my cat growls at me. My fish on the other hand get excited because they think I'm going to feed them.

I have trouble with eyecontact, it makes me uncomfortable, but I've gotten better at it... but to be honest I mostly look at somewhere near people's eyes instead of directly at them. As for animals, I don't look them in the eyes because animals often see it as a sign of aggression or an attempt to set who is in charge. It could get dangerous.

i used to be uncomfortable with eye contact but now i'm used to it. one thing that i learned was that its fine to look away once in a while, but not to the point where others would think they're invisible to you (i.e looking to the sides for a bit).

a bit of a sidetrack, but sometimes idk what people think when they look away for a bit when im talking to them. idk if theyre genuinely disinterested or its just natural reflex. i rely on their expression to evaluate the current mood, and i'd lost my confidence if i think they're bored.

I never considered it until I was told by someone that I had to do it. After that, I just tend to stare at people's faces, but I never experience the intimate attachments and closeness that neurotypicals talk about, it just feels weird.

I realized that also most NT women avoid eye contact to men except they are talking to them. May be a woman can explain this. But I know the expression of my face and my eyes a bit and I know how to force it even to an extreme. Happiness, rage, anger it's rather a different way to look than an emotion to me. But I think because of their empathy it's totally fascinating for NTs to look into a bright face with glaring eyes full of fun.
Yesterday on the dance floor a young women risked a look into my eyes. It's a rare case. But I think she didn't really get her own emotions while doing this and was unable to hold the eye contact even for a second. She was immediately laughting in a bright way and looking away an tried again with the same result. The two girl friends she was dancing with realized her being totally amused and feeling attracted to me and wanted to stop her. A typical way of manipulative women is to pull the girlfriend who feels attracted to the wrong man away from him and looking totally angry on him. They pulled her away but once they were looking into my eyes they were the same way as their friend. I never faced such a situation before that three women at the same time felt attracted and started to dance with me. I'm totally shy towards women because I don't get them emotionally. But three women dancing an flirting at the same time with me and even being friends of each other? I was totally scared because of this.
fgvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv <- sorry my cat just entered the keyboard and wants attention now

Last edited by quite an extreme on 24 Feb 2019, 1:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I actually practiced this just yesterday with someone (just maintaining eye contact for a few minutes). She commented on how I did better at the exercise than most. I didn't really feel any particular kind of connection, and it did feel a bit uncomfortable, but I managed to not look away too much.

Though appropriate eye contact in normal social situations (where too much is considered intimidating and too little is considered a sign of weakness) is much more complicated than that "don't look away" exercise.

About the animal part:

I as actually looking at my horse's eyes when I first thought of my question, and then remembered it later when I was slow blinking my cat. So when I was asking about if there is difficultly with looking an animal in the eyes, I meant a kind of casual interaction and not to 'stare' at them. Because as a few state, unblinking staring at an animals does tend to make them think you're being aggressive.

I'm not sure. I'd likely wonder if I was missing something. Although I can look at someone in the eyes I'm not that great at reading emotion and thought in other humans. I'm better at such with furry animals.


There could be a few reasons for this. One is when you make eye contact with someone it can serve as an invitation to have them talk with you. Imagine there are some guys cat calling a woman, if she makes eye contact with them they are undoubtedly going to become more aggressive toward her. So it can serve as a kind of safety measure. She could also simply be shy and private person. In a case where she may find a male attractive she may avoid contact to be 'coy' and some self consciousness that her feelings are going to be completely plastered on her face. Even NTs can feel intimated by someone looking at them and that intensify s if they also connect their eyes. "Eyes are the window to the soul"

Thanks for the replies everyone, its helping to shed some light for me on how you experience this

I was forced to make eye contact until it became normal for me. I now give eye contact in a way pretty much identical to that of an NT. However, if I am in a bad mood or don't at least trust the person I'm talking to, I tend to avoid eye contact.

Just people.

I'd be very comfortable with looking into an animal's eyes, as long as the animal didn't feel uncomfortable about it, which some animals definitely do.

In my opinion its not so much eye contact on its own thats particularly difficult for mildly autistic people, but rather eye contact while MAKING A FACIAL EXPRESSION (such as a smile). I find it almost impossible to smile and look into someone's eyes.

May be I should be clearer. It was kind of a serious last warning and meant 'Get immediately out of my way or fight.'


General rule: Try to show a good mood or may be a smile already before you start the eye contact or afterwards it's to late. The opposite gets your mood towards him in case of eye contact in parts of a second and his empathy drives him to feel immediately the same way towards you that you show once you start to look into his eyes.
You may be unable to smile afterwards because he looks angry on you then.