Why don't NTs just say what they mean...

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F84.9
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27 Feb 2019, 11:13 am

if I do something that they dislike, why dont they just say it, instead of being passively aggressive.
So much covert communication, and talking between the lines, talking with analogies... it's just silly.
I guess it's wise to be abit indirect sometimes (like businesses "can't" say some things directly, or polititians, etc)

Although I understand that it is my response-ability if I decide to upset myself about the way they communicate to me -- afterall, they have perfect right to be as they are, express as they wish, for reasons that they choose to or choose not to disclose, perhaps because their behaviour has proven to be adaptive in their interactions with society..

But... isn't this a double edged sword that they're using?
I hope what I said sounds understandable.


What are your thoughts, please?



Rad Rockit
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27 Feb 2019, 11:25 am

F84.9 wrote:
if I do something that they dislike, why dont they just say it, instead of being passively aggressive.
So much covert communication, and talking between the lines, talking with analogies... it's just silly.
I guess it's wise to be abit indirect sometimes (like businesses "can't" say some things directly, or polititians, etc)

Although I understand that it is my response-ability if I decide to upset myself about the way they communicate to me -- afterall, they have perfect right to be as they are, express as they wish, for reasons that they choose to or choose not to disclose, perhaps because their behaviour has proven to be adaptive in their interactions with society..

But... isn't this a double edged sword that they're using?
I hope what I said sounds understandable.


What are your thoughts, please?


What you said is definitely understandable. I wish I had the answer to that question myself. But alas I do not.


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BTDT
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27 Feb 2019, 11:37 am

Presumably if someone gets offended they can deny they said it.

Or that nonverbal communication stops the offensive verbal communication before it is even said.



Joe90
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27 Feb 2019, 1:29 pm

Yeah, I know what you mean. A few months ago at work me and another co-worker were asked to sweep and mop all of the floors, and she prefers sweeping and I don't mind what I do really, so I just agreed to mop after she's swept. Then after a few days I felt it was getting a bit repetitive, so I suggested we swap, so I done sweeping and the co-worker done mopping. I could tell the co-worker didn't like mopping and preferred sweeping, so she came up to me and started criticising how I swept and that I wasn't very good at it and that I kept missing bits (although I knew I wasn't missing bits). So we swapped back, and she looked happier. But she made me feel like I was a bad worker or something. She could have just said, "I prefer doing the sweeping, is it OK if we swap back again after we've mopped this floor?" instead of implying that I was crap at sweeping. It depressed me, making me feel like I was too stupid to do such a simple task like sweeping. Surely saying the former (which was most probably the truth) would have been easier and kinder to say, without dehumanizing me.


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27 Feb 2019, 1:41 pm

That's terrible. You should definitely just be honest about your feelings in that situation. I can't fathom why anyone would think otherwise. Did she think you would be mean to her in some way? But if that's the case, it still wouldn't justify being mean yourself.


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27 Feb 2019, 1:43 pm

Another example is when you have a better education than someone else, You don't have to rub it in or make it obvious that someone has an inferior background and can't do math as well. Even though it is an obvious truth.



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27 Feb 2019, 9:06 pm

Sometimes it is less awkward to be indirect

Having said that,

I have the opposite problem

I feel uncomfortable being direct sometimes and lil dips**ts just don't get it

The other thing is that they do not have veto authority over something you did just because they don't like it

For example, some precious lil "people" do not like it when I continue living

That does not mean that they have a moral right to exterminate me


f**k mister redelings


Besides there are seven billion people


Everyone likes, neither, or hates something

Some people do not like it when Trump is president

So what? They have not been able to do anything about it. Thus far