Was my gf embarrassing me or am I being too sensitive?

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I feel that my girlfriend has been embarrassing me, mostly in front of my friend, let's call her Amanda, to keep things from getting confusion. It's a long story but I feel I had to explain it all, so it could be understood.

The first time I was embarrassed by her with Amanda, was when Amanda has these charity events she holds. She keeps asking me to come to her paint night even, where you pay to learn how to paint for the evening, and you pay $37 USD.

But it seems a bit much and I don't even like painting. The charity is for leukemia research I think she said, but it seems like a lost cause since I don't think there has been much advancement into fixing leukemia last time I checked.

Unless I am wrong?

So I didn't want to go even though she keeps trying to talk to me into it. My gf told her that she would try to 'wear me down' as she put it. But this caused Amanda to really think I was going and I had to turn her down more awkwardly, compared to if my gf didn't say anything at all about going to talk me into coming.

But my friend was okay with me not going I think, it was just an awkward turning down position I was in, compared to just saying I wasn't interested in the first place, without the additional pressure otherwise.

A few weeks later, we went out with the Amanda and some other friends of that friends, for some drinks and food another time, and she asked in front of her and her friends, if I remembered that it was our one year anniversary since we started dating. I actually forgot because I had been going through a lot of problems with work, and in my career life and just really stressed out. So the anniversary just wasn't on my mind unfortunately. I knew it was coming up, but it just came so fast, it feels like with all the stress I've been having, and I forgot about it.

But she was completely shocked that I forgot. I guess that's not too embarrassing, but I figure why did she have to bring it up in front of Amanda and my friends? Unless she was just having harmless conversation and I am overreacting?

So we hung out with the same Amanda a week later. Earlier in the week, a former friend of mind who lives in a different city who I use to have a FWB relationship with before, wanted to visit me while she was in the city on business. We've been friends for about 8 years now, but mostly communicated through messaging long distance. Even though she is a friend who I communicated to long distance, and has become more of a pen pal over the years. She wanted to get coffee and catch up while she was here.

But I didn't think this was appropriate to do with a former FWB while with a gf, so I told the FWB it's not a good idea and not appropriate since I have a gf now. I later told my gf this and the gf said 'it was okay, I trust you, go get coffee and catch up'. But I didn't want to or just didn't feel like it I guess, when having a gf. That time hasn't come up yet, cause she won't be in town till later in, in case anyone was wondering about that. But I still don't feel like going. But the gf says to.

So we hang out with Amanda again, just her and us, and my gf brings up the conversation we had about the former FWB and tells Amanda that she is okay with me going to meet up with her and that she trusts me, etc.

But I was embarrassed by that, cause Amanda might totally get the wrong idea, if I am meeting up with a former FWB, which I didn't even say I was going to... I just think it makes me look bad, and gives a friend of mine the wrong impression of me. It just makes me look weak like I said yes to a former FWB, even though it's just coffee, instead of having it in me to tell her no. Does that make me look bad, or I am overreacting about it?

Now another thing about me and my gf is that I haven't spent the night with her in a while because she has really bad snoring. I mean like really really bad, not to insult her, it's just I had trouble sleeping over cause it was so loud I couldn't sleep. I kept going home really tired after spending the night with her cause I couldn't sleep. The last time, I just slept on the couch in another room after. So after that I just hadn't slept over since, because I couldn't fall asleep cause of the snoring.

Just yesterday, she asked me why I haven't slept over in a while. She asked if it was because I've been working a lot lately? I said 'yes, but--', then we were interrupted by a phone call about something, and the conversation didn't continue after, cause we just forgot I guess, as far as I can remember.

The but was, is that I was going to say "but the real reason why I haven't slept over was cause I couldn't sleep because of the snoring". I just forgot to say that cause of the call.

Then later, last night we hang out with Amanda, I had a few drinks and didn't want to drive home. My gf was being the DD for the evening this time. Amanda said why don't I stay over at her place instead of her driving me home.

And so to answer Amanda's question I turned to my gf and said, "Is it okay if I tell her why I haven't slept over in a while, or no"? She said oh sure, it's okay. So I told Amanda that it was because she snores and I can't sleep cause of that.

She then got really frustrated and said I was totally lying and that I said it was because of work, and that I was going through personal problems with it. I said no that's just what you mentioned and I said that was a more recent part of it, and then I said "but", and then we got a call and the conversation never continued.

But she didn't by that I was going to tell her it was because of the snoring. But she didn't by that and said I was lying and said I was a liar in front of Amanda, and kept being accusatory of it, and being argumentative, in front of her.

And I can understand maybe I mislead her unintentionally in the conversation cause I said, "but" then we got the phone call, and forgot to continue the conversation after.

But I find this strange that she never new it was the snoring and it was a total surprise to her. I told her before on nights that I slept with her, that I had trouble staying away cause of the snoring. The last time I slept on her couch, cause of the snoring, and I told her it was cause of the snoring. So how could she not think the reason why I haven't been going over was cause of the snoring. Sure I might not have spent a few nights recently cause of work more, but that' was like a small reason, compared to the snoring, which I thought I told her before when I said I had trouble sleeping with her because of it.

After I drove Amanda home, I talked with her about it and she said that she was very sorry, and she actually thought I lied and that she had no idea that I misunderstood that I thought one reason of why I wasn't sleeping over, where as she thought another. She said that she was really sorry, and felt bad about it.

But what do you think? Does she have a habit of embarrassing me in front of my friends, at least Amanda for some reason, or am I being too sensitive when she does this, and this is normal?

She should really check it if her snoring is that extremely bad, there’s probably a health issue.

Well today, while hanging out with the same friend, she did it again. I don't know why she always talks about things that are more personal that friend of mine, possibly cause she feels closer to her compared to my other friends I guess. Basically I got my gf to read over a screenplay I wrote, which I was trying to make into a feature film. But weeks later, she tells this friend who she cannot stand the script and hates it, but she said it like she is frustrated and complaining that I got her read it, even though she agreed. Now, I am okay with people telling me my script sucks, if we are doing a one one on critique and that is the purpose of the conversation but the way my gf brought it up in a social situation, out of complete randomness, saying it like saying it in such an irritable way, just really turned me off.

Do you think maybe I am overreacting, since I am also reacting cause of the previous times she has done it, or what do you think from what you can tell?

It seems like you are quite sensitive and like your girlfriend might sometimes react quite impulsively.

I don't know about leukemia, but there have been huge advances in cancer research and treatment in the past years or past few decades. It is expensive and approval of new treatment options takes years. That's why some promising treatments are still in the experimental stage. Increasing the survival chances of cancer patients is not a lost cause, but one comparably small charity event probably does not make a huge difference and your $37 USD don't make a huge difference.
You don't have any obligation to donate money to cancer research and both your friend and girlfriend should accept you not going to the charity event. If she actually pretended wrong facts about what you were going to do towards your friend she handle the situation poorly. If Amanda made the situation awkward when you told her you wouldn't come and perhaps acted like she thought you or your girlfriend promised something neither of you did, then the one causing an uncomfortable situation was her and not your girlfriend and it may be among her repertoire of persuasion strategies she uses on people to make them support her cause. If there was no pressure put onto you, you might simply have been more uncomfortable than most people would be in that situation.


Unfortunately this is common. Anniversaries and such are important to a lot of women and your girlfriend seems to be one of them.
It is hard to tell whether there was any intentionality in bringing it up in front of your friends, but she probably didn't think much of it and didn't think about whether or not it could lead to an embarrassing situation. It is not an unusual thing to mention in front of friends and, unless she knew you forgot and wanted to embarrass you, there probably were no ill intentions.
Perhaps her reaction of complete shock was overblown. But what were you actually embarrassed about? That your friends knew you forgot? Arguing with your girlfriend in front of your friends? Them watching her reaction?


People's opinions on this seem to differ a lot. Some have no issue with someone in a relationship meeting a former sex partner as long as cheating or other inappropriate actions are not involved. Some instantly think of cheating if someone in a relationship does as much as have opposite sex friends or spend a few minutes alone with another person of the opposite sex.
I wouldn't know about your social circle or this Amanda, but it seems that it might be something your and your girlfriend's opinions differ on - unless she had any ulterior motives in bringing it up or she considered it a test of sorts, but I don't see anything in what you wrote that indicates this.
It looks like you're worrying a lot about what other people think of you. Besides, you were there. You could have responded. Why not just mention in a casual tone that you don't intend to meet that former friend with benefits of yours? That should have solved the problem. Why should Amanda think anything negative about you, because your girlfriend trusts you not to cheat on her or because you're not meeting someone you previously had a sexual relationship with?


A lot of people who snore are not aware of how bad their snoring is, because they sleep while they snore. They can't hear it. When you ask her if it was alright to tell Amanda the reason why you didn't sleep at your girlfriend's place she assumed you'd tell Amanda the same reason you told her - which is a reasonable assumption to make. Ironically you might have had the opposite situation you're complaining about here - you embarrassing her in front of a friend. It was a misunderstanding, just like the situations where she embarrassed you sound like they may be misunderstandings or misjudgments about what you might find embarrassing.
She might be prone to anger and that might be why she interpreted the situation as you lying to her. Still, often people remember the outcome of a conversation, but don't remember the conversation word by word. She may not have remembered that you said 'but' and were interrupted by a phone call until you reminded her of it.


That indeed was not a nice thing of her to do. Maybe she was frustrated and took it out on your script. However, it's not a good way of venting her frustration.


Honestly, I don't see any mayor red flags in her behavior. You're both flawed human beings, like anyone else. Some of the situations you describe might be misunderstandings or unawareness of what kind of situations make you uncomfortable. She doesn't seem to be the most laid back person and might tend to react with anger to some situations, but not necessarily to any unusual extent. And you seem to be rather sensitive and worry excessively about how your friends may perceive everything you or her say.

It is really difficult to really help you here, only having heard your subjective impression of events but I get the sense that your girlfriend is quite controlling and is not respecting your autonomy. I think that you made the correct decision in not wanting to see your FWB, it shows emotional maturity and being considerate of your girlfriend. It is not Amandas' business, nor is it your girlfriends' right to share all your intimate conversations and decisions with a third party, she is, probably not intentionally, breaking down your boundaries. You and girlfriend are in a primary relationship. She should ask your permission before disclosing any content of your private conversation to Amanda or anyone else. If you don't want to paint then you can decide not to paint. If you think it's inappropriate to see your FWB then don't. GF should not take over your life, that's not healthy. You need to define your boundaries and be assertive when you have made a decision and stand firm. There may be discussions with GF of course. As Princess Diana said " There were three people in this relationship." Amanda should not know all your intimate and personal business unless you choose to involve her.

I am with teach on this one. It is disrespectful to share personal details with friends in public. And controlling. It may be unconscious or it could be quite deliberate.

You are also probably too sensitive, and that is something you can work on. You can develop skills to stop the gossip in public in real time. It is an important skill set to have.

Oh oh okay, but even if I was less sensitive say, does that mean she should still do it? Even a person can take it, and has a thick skin, should they still have to take it?

It's hard to know how I should react though cause I am quite frustrated and feel this relationship is on thin ice now. One post says she sounds like is being controlling by embarrassing me to a friend in public repetitively, and another post says I am too sensitive and she is flawed like everyone else.

But when it comes to this last post when she embarrassed me about my friend by how much my script irritated her and how she hated reading it so bad, I feel like if it were the other way around and I went on a tangent to one of her friends about something of hers that I hate and can't stand, and I said it in a really irritated tone at complete random, that she would be quite frustrated with me for doing so.

So I feel that she would have reacted the same way, if turned around.

I think you both need to sit down and re-evaluate your boundaries and your relationship together. You are both adults, in an intimate relationship, not everything needs to be shared with the "gang in the playground."
It sounds to me that you have the upper hand in emotional intelligence.

Oh okay. Well she was going away this weekend for a few weeks to another city for a training course. So I feel I need to cool off before I can sit down, since I'm quite frustrated now, but should I wait, if she is going away? Or should I talk out over the phone before waiting long, otherwise she may forget this and it may not be fresh in her head?

But at the same time, I don't want to distract her from her studies in this course too much either, and want her to do well.

That's your call, but it is a good opportunity for you to take a time out and think carefully about what you want to change in the status quo. If you like a dominant woman that's fine, just write down and organize the things that bother you in the relationship. When she comes back a good tip is to sit down together when you are relaxed and discuss how you feel. I find that if I say "I feel invalidated" rather than "you control me" it is a good approach that is non accusatory. When accused people automatically feel attacked, and go on the defensive, so it's good to say "I feel." The most important issue is not making your feelings the "news of the day" for her friend. You are very considerate and kind. You deserve the same.

But just because she says things that are impulsive in front of other people sometimes, that doesn't make her dominant does, it? Doesn't that just make her impulsive more so?

No, you nor anyone else should have to take that kind of behavior especially from a significant other.

The idea behind learning some coping skills is so you can identify and more effectively deal with it in the future when it crops up. Because it will.

What kind of coping skills do you have in mind? You mean learn to cope with her?

I really have no way of knowing. It's a good idea to discuss what's bothering you and see if she is receptive to your feelings. If she cannot respect your privacy then she is not mature enough for you. Does she have ADD/ADHD? If she is impulsive just bring to her attention that certain things that are discussed between you are private, and specify which. Time will tell if she is able to respect your boundaries. Perhaps you both have difficulty with this?

Btw, Blazingstar really knows what she's talking about, I would follow her advice