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Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2019, 10:23 am

Hi:
I was recently invited to a friend's birthday party and I said I would go. The host of the party has an autism support group and likes to reach out to new adults on the spectrum. One of those people he wanted to invite was the daughter or his roommate's life coach. Her mom is a friend of mine as well and she had asked me last week if she could give me a ride and I said "Sure."

Yesterday, I was out, I got a call from her as she had gotten the date of the party mixed up. So I had to reassure her that the party is today and not yesterday. So I called her back and so did the party host. Meanwhile, I admit that I saw all these activities and I thought about going to those instead. I even told her that I was not sure if I was going to go. She mildly frustrated with me and said that she wanted me to go because her daughter doesn't have any friends and doesn't know anyone and her friends. I said I would think about it. I got a very annoyed, "Ok." So I did a little more research on these other things and they cost money. So I decided to go with my original plans and I texted her. However, she didn't return it. So I called her today and left a message and I have no answer.

I will take full responsibility for this if I did anything to offend her mom and I never meant to do anything wrong.



DanielW
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17 Mar 2019, 10:28 am

yeah, once you agreed to the original invitation, you are obligated. Especially if someone else is giving you a ride.



Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2019, 10:44 am

Is there anything I can do?



DanielW
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17 Mar 2019, 11:35 am

If the opportunity comes up, just apologize. Its not a huge mistake. Otherwise, let the matter drop and try to do better going forward.

and, be careful about accepting invitations. The usual etiquette is once you accept, you have to be seriously ill, or have an emergency that does not allow you to attend - in order to not attend...Even if that happens, you need to let people know ASAP that you can't attend after all.



Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2019, 11:46 am

DanielW wrote:
If the opportunity comes up, just apologize. Its not a huge mistake. Otherwise, let the matter drop and try to do better going forward.

and, be careful about accepting invitations. The usual etiquette is once you accept, you have to be seriously ill, or have an emergency that does not allow you to attend - in order to not attend...Even if that happens, you need to let people know ASAP that you can't attend after all.


I am trying my darndest not to be a flaker and I usually do what I can do come through with people but I know I am not perfect. I am going to try and invite her out for coffee.



DanielW
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17 Mar 2019, 11:50 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
DanielW wrote:
If the opportunity comes up, just apologize. Its not a huge mistake. Otherwise, let the matter drop and try to do better going forward.

and, be careful about accepting invitations. The usual etiquette is once you accept, you have to be seriously ill, or have an emergency that does not allow you to attend - in order to not attend...Even if that happens, you need to let people know ASAP that you can't attend after all.


I am trying my darndest not to be a flaker and I usually do what I can do come through with people but I know I am not perfect. I am going to try and invite her out for coffee.


No one is perfect. Birthdays are a sensitive issue for most people though so that probably has something to do with it, and there is an implication that you found some other activity more important...that can also hurt someones feelings.

I think inviting her out for a coffee is a good idea.



Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2019, 6:32 pm

DanielW wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
DanielW wrote:
If the opportunity comes up, just apologize. Its not a huge mistake. Otherwise, let the matter drop and try to do better going forward.

and, be careful about accepting invitations. The usual etiquette is once you accept, you have to be seriously ill, or have an emergency that does not allow you to attend - in order to not attend...Even if that happens, you need to let people know ASAP that you can't attend after all.


I am trying my darndest not to be a flaker and I usually do what I can do come through with people but I know I am not perfect. I am going to try and invite her out for coffee.


No one is perfect. Birthdays are a sensitive issue for most people though so that probably has something to do with it, and there is an implication that you found some other activity more important...that can also hurt someones feelings.

I think inviting her out for a coffee is a good idea.


She ended up calling me at the last minute just as I was about to catch a Lyft over there. It turns out that she was not mad at me. Rather, her phone battery died but I did apologize and she was quick to forgive me.