no one talks to me on social media due to negative statuses

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chris1989
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19 Mar 2019, 2:22 am

I seem to think most people on my social media (facebook) don't like me and don't want to talk to me or want anything to do with me. And a part of me is telling me ''Well, what do you expect ?, if you were using facebook often to just write and post negative statuses then, of course people aren't going to talk to you because they don't want to know and maybe they have problems of their own to deal with.'' I started posting negative statuses on social media, maybe I admit it was for attention but shouldn't make me a bad person, but I felt it was a way of being heard and getting people to understand me as before then I used to find facebook interesting sharing my interests in music, posting photos and sharing jokes and so on but it frustrated me when I wasn't getting noticed because there were hardly many likes, comments and people sending me messages, I had few friends on there who talked to me and it frustrated me more when people I was 'friends' with on there didn't talk to me as much as obviously I they didn't know me well and didn't see them often even though I recognised them for school and college and I feel like quite annoyed at them as if they didn't acknowledge me much in class, and didn't approach much to talk to me when it maybe should have been ME to make the effort. Apart from facebook, I don't use any other social media platforms like twitter, instagram etc because I don't want to use it as it seems just similar to facebook and not interested in signing to them, I don't really bother now posting any photos or anything fun or interesting on facebook anymore all I do now is just scroll through everyone else's statuses and so on and thats it and it leaves me still feeling quite isolated and feeling like I'm missing on life from what I see from 'friends' from their photos of looking attractive, going to parties, holidays abroad and so on and think I'm just boring, uninteresting and unattractive.



Fireblossom
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19 Mar 2019, 6:16 am

But do you talk to them? If you haven't even tried that then you shouldn't be angry at them. Put some effort in.

Also, just posting about your problems is a good way to drive people away. Not saying that you can't do that, but post other stuff, too.

How many facebook friends do you have? If just a few then it's no wonder you only have a few likes. Besides, lots of people have hundreds of FB friends, so it wouldn't be suprising at all if people just literally don't notice your posts because there are so many.



DanielW
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19 Mar 2019, 6:27 am

Social media is a bit of a paradox. It makes a lot of people feel more isolated, not less. We often see other people's "perfect" lives.

What we don't see is what we tend to forget about. The pictures of people with toilet paper stuck to there shoes, the pictures of puffy red eyes after a crying jag. Real life is messy, doesn't always look pretty or happy. People don't tend to show the whole of their lives.

As for me, I'd rather have one close friend who's been there when I'm at my worst than a thousand facebook friends who only look at the shiny things in life.



chris1989
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19 Mar 2019, 6:31 am

I only have 34 'friends'. In reality I only have 2 or 3 friends and likes I get are mostly from family than friends.



DanielW
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19 Mar 2019, 6:38 am

chris1989 wrote:
I only have 34 'friends'. In reality I only have 2 or 3 friends and likes I get are mostly from family than friends.


Thats 34 more than I have. :-)



BeaArthur
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19 Mar 2019, 10:45 am

"friends" on Facebook is a special definition - it means people who aren't really friends. They clicked on you or you clicked on them, or worse yet, you accepted a friend "suggestion" (does anyone know how to turn that feature off?).

But part of your problem, Chris, is not Facebook but you. I never comment on your posts here (this one time excepted) because of your negativity. I'm not here to soak up other people's misery. There is enough misery in my life already. I like to post on things that interest me or inspire me.

Just being honest with you, and I'm sorry if that hurt.


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Noca
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20 Mar 2019, 4:42 pm

I don't bother with Facebook or social media, i only use Facebook groups to find treatment ideas for chronic illnesses I have. I only have 1 friend on there and I never talk to her on Facebook anyway, I will use text, whatsapp or skype to talk to my friends. People with 1000+ friends, I am not sure I have had social conversations with 1000 people in my entire lifetime let alone considered them my friend.

If Facebook is only making you feel worse, stop using it.


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Joe90
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20 Mar 2019, 5:33 pm

You can add me on Facebook. PM me your Facebook name, if you like.


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kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2019, 5:35 pm

In this case, Joe, you should specify who you want to "friend" on Facebook.



DanielW
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20 Mar 2019, 5:51 pm

To the OP: People tend to tune out things they see all the time or expect to see from people. Try posting something the complete opposite of your usual posts for a while and see if anyone notices the difference.



Joe90
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20 Mar 2019, 7:47 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
In this case, Joe, you should specify who you want to "friend" on Facebook.


The OP. He often creates threads here, and I always want to read them.


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kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2019, 7:51 pm

Joe is a good egg, Chris.

I would take her up on her offer.

This is not a romantic thing, though. Joe is in a committed relationship.



BeaArthur
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20 Mar 2019, 8:03 pm

Facebook is (mostly) real identities. I recommend people think twice before doxing themselves by moving to Facebook from here.

You can do it, but think about the consequences first.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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20 Mar 2019, 8:13 pm

Social media is a gigantic pissing contest. I'm addicted to it, but I don't do very well in regards to attracting attention to myself. Then again, I don't necessarily want to draw attention to myself either. Attention can be overwhelming, and I like my peace, but sometimes I get bored and I become an attention whore.

Facebook is full of boring normal people I know in real life who I have almost nothing in common with. They all have jobs and relationships and vehicles and they live typical capitalist consumerist adult lives. I don't really bother trying to seek attention from these people. Like, I do use Facebook Messenger to communicate with family, but most of the time that's pretty much the only reason why I keep my account active. I simply don't give a s**t about what's going on there 99% of the time.

Then there's the people I know on Twitter, the artists, the furries, the LGBTQ community, the students and young people. These people tend to be way cooler, and I actually feel like I have more in common with them, but even then, sometimes I still feel a disconnect since they have things I don't have like art skills, relationships, money for fancy toys etc. I do tend to seek attention from these people sometimes, and I like commenting on people's posts, but most of the time I just browse. Sometimes I'll tweet about random stuff or I'll rant. Lately I've been trying to avoid getting too personal with my rants, but things slip out.

Anyway, my advice for OP? Don't fret about it too much. I don't understand how the social media game works either so it's just best to say "f**k it" and not even bother trying. You'll only lose sleep if you do try.


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Teach51
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21 Mar 2019, 4:33 pm

Social media is very representative of the shallow, fake, narcissistic society we have created, where having blubbery, botox lips and bubble bums is more important than being tolerant, or being able to embrace or at least co- exist with a person holding a different point of view, or just enjoying being deliciously ordinary.

In my country every post is lauded with extreme reactions, positive being OTT compliments such as : you're the best! Awesome! You are so beautiful, wow! Then the other extreme (usually political) may your mother die of cancer! You look like a cow, you are not the sharpest pencil in the pencil case, and other expletives that really don't need to be expressed here. I have pondered much why people go out together and instead of enjoying each others company take pics before beer, with beer, post beer, pic of food, pic of this pic of that pic of the other. They are not connecting. They are posing.
It's not real. It's not warm.It's not what people are meant to do. I have about 200 facebook "friends." Many are past students who post pics of new babies, or my friends who post spiritually uplifting posts ( I admit it, that's my thing) or interesting innovations, or we help friends find apartments or adopt dogs.
I have blocked any violent or political posts.

Social media represents three types of people to my thinking. Those who are lonely and need to be validated and connect in any way possible, negative or offensive posts, smart -ass posts but all seeking one thing, attention, love in fact.

The second being those seeking an informational support system, promoting sharing, or spreading hope in an IT oriented, cold, dog eats dog world, that there is more to life than material success, than having the perfect body, home, car whatever. Friendship and mutual responsibility are dominant in my country, raising money for someone who is sick, taking people into our homes in war time, (it's always war time here) helping each other out.

The third, those who use social media for purposes of advertising, propaganda, political gain, promoting products and generally treating us as brain dead morons who have a Pavlovian response to any useless comodity waved in our faces.

Social media is a tool, like any tool it can aid humanity or destroy. You can carve a statue or remove a tumour with a knife, or you can kill, we can cook with fire or destroy cities.

If you seek attention then give a compliment, promote caring, perceive the beauty not the beast. Good attracts good.

What goes around comes around, that's how it is.


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