I am exploring what self-love is.

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Everywhere the term "self-love" or the expression "love yourself" is used and to be honest I have had trouble understandning exactly what people meant by those terms. So now I have envestigated and found that I have been aware of the aspects of self-love all along only under a bunch of different terms that to me was more specific and more obvious of what they meant. I have also found that I find the whole subject interesting.

In case the interest for this subject is something I share with someone else, I would like to present some of my thoughts(there is much more I have read on this) on the subject for discussion.

While trying to find out what it is, I discovered that people will try to explain it in different ways too. Some descriptions I would find less satisfying than others and some easier to accept. So from this I find that I have to use my own way of thinking to make it relevant and understandable to myself and my own situation. I mean, the problem I have had with understanding self-love has been: how to be self-loving and at the same time not feel trapped in the idea that I am supposed to be able to be content in any kind of unsatisfying situation I may be in..that has been a misunderstanding I have struggled with. Personally I need self-love to feel empowerment and not as I am resigning.

So I try to describe what I have found out about what self-love is, and would love to hear others ideas as well:

It is like caring for yourself as you would for someone else you love. Talk to yourself the same way and feel for yourself the same way. And very important; be compassionate the same way. To compare it to how I feel for other people to understand self-love, made a big difference to me and my understanding of it. For some reason this wasn`t obvious to me.

Then there is all that count as self care. From basic needs for good health to knowing yourself and be aware of your needs, feelings, thoughts and values. Because, as I understand it, excersising self-love is a lot about setting boundaries around yourself to protect you from harm or the things that will drive you into deeper trouble. I will use a qoute here "Say no to work, love and activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually or express poorly who you are" (Psychology Today. "seven-step-prescription-self-love" Deborah Koshabra)

What I like about that article mentioned above by the way, is that it also opens up for "intimacy and healthy social interactions" as means of taking care of yourself. It means that it isn`t necessary for me to trouble myself with thoughts like "If I was a well functioning person I shouldn`t miss closeness and social interaction but be able to be completely happy on my own".
I have read a lot about how doing things by yourself as in taking yourself out to dinner or the movies, read good books and find your interests etc is good self-care and an exercise of self-love, and I support that by all means. It is important to do nice things for yourself and treat yourself, but I have been confusing this message with the idea of "if you love yourself properly you will not need anyone else". I have never found myself able to accept that and is happy to learn that it isn`t how I need to understand self-love. I can admit that I need those things. How to comfort myself and show myself the kind of self-love that will support me when I don`t manage to get it, is another question, but I don`t have to deny myself the self knowlege of being someone who needs a certain degree of social interaction and connections.
I mean, even when we love someone we know we are not supposed to only talk to and be around this person and no one else. So of course you must have other people in your life than yourself, if it is what you feel is true for you. I am not sure why I confused this..

These explanations give me an empowering feeling and motivates me to focus on doing something about the things I feel miserable about rather than resign under them.

I am not able to do much about my situation right now and have to persevere, but that empowering feeling is much better than feeling resigned. I am working on ways how I can help myself bit by bit, one step and one day at a time in the direction I want to go. Does anyone else experience something like this?

Interesting, I'm glad to hear that you've found a version of self-love that makes sense to you and is helpful to you.

I definitely have had a hard time being kind to myself. I've found a concept that helps me approach self-love recently. I was listening to a radio show about an author with a difficult background (I can't remember what exactly, but I think mental health problems and maybe an abusive family situation). She talked about how when she started to experience some success in her field, she immediately tried to run away from it, like she didn't belong or deserve praise or success or respect. But then she said she finally was able to push back against that self-destructive instinct. She said she had this realization something like: "No, the light touches all of us. The light touches me too."

I find this phrase very affecting and it helps me try to get at the concept that we are all connected by the experience of living, suffering, enjoying, etc., though we face wildly different challenges/hardships/injustices (and I don't mean to erase those differences). We all have the capacity to do good things and should get to feel it when we do, instead of just feeling the bad/guilt/suffering side. Like your concept of treating yourself like you would treat others--I think others should get compassion, so I should too. I don't know, I'm not religious and I find my inability to explain exactly what I get out of this phrase kind of maddening, but I still do find it helpful.

I also really like this quote: “These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” ― Najwa Zebian

It very viscerally reminds me that it's enough that I have to deal with the challenges I face. I don't also have to beat myself up for their existence or for the way I handle them or for whatever other thing I can think of to blame myself for.

jolly good post. and ya, i have found, that some people around me had much higher oppinion of me, than i myself had. then i found out, that some of them had the same issue. we all keep each other in check that way. appreciating each other, we make sure each of us learns to appreciate him or her self.

There are different definitions of love. Some perceive it as feelings. I perceive it as actions. My love for others or for myself is cloaked in actions.

In the future there will be a tombstone above my grave. It will have my date of birth and my date of death. But that doesn't describe me. What describes me is everything I did between those two dates.

have heard many typically favor being either loved or respected much more than the other. have found the only personal way to inner peace, and contentment alone, to be living a respectable life the innermost worst critic cannot cut down or weaken, even when intrusive thoughts may try.

the closest thing to self love might be acceptances in recognizing limits and setting boundaries. recognizing when perfectionism becomes the antithesis to doing one’s best work, and letting trivial things fall wherever they may to be collected with a clearer mind, and heart, after finding some decent rest when too sleep deprived to be productive. that, and recognizing it’s human to make mistakes and fail... the only thing to be embarrassed or ashamed of would be willfully not learning from a fall, or refusing to get back up.

as for loving oneself like another, that personally sounds problematic. there’s no way to touch upon the same heart warming nerve of being loved that’s being chosen to be learned by someone lovely.