Autism and Online Social Skills

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( Note: I realize that this is longer than most would care to read. The first paragraph contains the gist of it, though. Feel free to ignore the rest. )

I've found that many of the social impairments I deal with offline are paralleled by difficulties online, as well. It makes sense, I suppose, but the difficulties posed by autism in the context of social media and online interactions are not often discussed. Given the increasing importance of a person's online presence, though, I think it would be a good idea to open up a discussion of the problems those of us on the spectrum face when navigating online interactions, as well as methods of overcoming them. Below I've listed my own difficulties, but I'd be interested in hearing about those faced by others here, regardless of whether they parallel mine or not.

To begin with, I find that I have no energy to maintain an online presence. It's generally expected that people post/text/message regularly and promptly, but because I have trouble with multitasking and keeping up my energy levels in general, I can't do that. I've texted and messaged people in the traditional sense before, and it's exhausting. I much prefer an e-mail type of exchange, where a substantial dialogue is traded back and forth within a much larger time frame.

I've also found that interacting on forums is difficult when it requires brief, shallow exchanges. Forums frequently have their own kind of small talk, even this one, and I have trouble reciprocating it, although I really want to when given the opportunity. Instead, I tend to delve into an essay-length response that's probably the online-equivalent of responding to "how are you" with a biography. I know that it's probably not the response that was expected or wanted, but it's the only kind of conversation I know how to have, on or offline. I also tend to be overly formal. Not all the time, but usually.

The issue I most dislike is my difficultly connecting with people online. I've heard people talk about how great the internet is because you can find people who share your interests and build solid friendships based on them. And I have messaged or engaged with people online before, some here on WP included, but these exchanges never developed into friendships, even when I hoped they would. In other words, I don't know how to naturally develop friendships online. I don't know how to signal, "I find our conversations very enjoyable and would like to maintain contact long-term" in any way that doesn't sound like a contractual offer.

This last issue is one which I would particularly like advice on, if anyone has any.

I can post/text/message regularly (almost obsessively so with friends in the past), but I'm always too odd that most people don't feel like talking to me. So I kind of hide in the background.

But nowadays, keeping a social media presence probably isn't something any aspie really wants to do. Saying the wrong thing, even out of context, can have lasting damage on your reputation and life in general.

Sometimes I think it's even more difficult online. Feels more isolating.
Here, Facebook, other forums I've been on.
It's like, in real life, I know that people interact with each other, I know that they do that somewhere, but I don't know where that is and as far as I know I wasn't invited. So it's frustrating, but it's not right there in front of me.
On the internet it's all right there in front of me, but I still can't seem to manage to interact. Or really feel like I'm a part of something.
Kind of running out of words now.
Basically just wanted to say that I feel like I can relate.

I agree, it is hard to find friends online or connect with people. I think the problem is that typing online and talking to people is not really that much different. Typing is just putting your words on paper essentially so really if you came across as odd IRL then you will most likely do the same online.

I think online is worse not only because it's isolating, but also because people have less consequences online so you can treat people however you want and not many will care. If they don't want to talk to you, they don't have to, if you make someone mad they can RAGE on you and nothing will happen, you can lie all day and unless someone knows you and calls you out you can get away with it and pretty much nothing happens(even if you get called out nothing really happens).

So many people that are aloof, strange, shy, socially amxious, tend to have an even harder time cause now you don't really have to hide how you really feel.

I think my biggest problem with online socializing is that I should just learn to completely ignore messages from certain types of people... this can't be done the same way IRL since face to face they might attack if ignored, but that's not a problem online. I could just ignore certain things online, but... well, I just can't help but try to defend people in certain situations despite knowing that the attacker probably won't listen.