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Doomlord
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10 Apr 2019, 9:25 pm

In December my last relationship ended. We dated for a year and I truly loved her. She inspired me to be a better person and made me happy. We started to have problems because she was going through family issues and I didn't know how to actively listen. But I did my research and started implementing it. For some reason she felt she still couldn't talk to me because she only did a couple of times and cited this as a reason for breaking up. I stressed her out because I would get upset over small things like her not listening to a song I wanted her to. She said she would at a specified time but I didn't know she wasn't sure. Music is one of my special interests so I would get very exited and then disappointed when she didn't. I wouldn't have gotten upset if I knew she didn't strictly mean the time she specified. She had said at some point she could help me socialize but at this point when I asked her to she said she didn't know how to help. That was okay, I would try on my own and I succeeded. It wasn't good enough for her. I thought she would be happy for me and proud but she broke my heart. I'm doing my best to move on and I'm trying new things but every day I think of her and today I had a meltdown. I'm afraid I'll get into another relationship and it will end because I just won't know something I'm supposed to.


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AQ: 37
Your Aspie score: 143 of 200
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serpentari
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11 Apr 2019, 12:09 am

having failed 3 out of 3 relationships i've been in, i dont have a good advice. and not in the shape to write out dont's either. especially that dont's are different for every person. so well. u can try, lose, hurt, recover and retry. or u can decide to not try. first option will offer heights and depths, and maybe u find ur soulmate. second would offer sort of stability in ur life. u can never know everything. and someone just might want u the way u are. and u might meet them. im sorry, i cant give u anything better. try to not blame urself for something u didnt manage. it never works well.


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jimmy m
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11 Apr 2019, 10:28 am

I was very shy in high school and way to busy in college to pursue dating. I always figured that once I had my degree that I would settle down pursue romance, dating and marriage.

So in a way that was lost time. While NTs spent a decade working out the art of romantic relationships, I was in another world. That meant that I had a lot of catch-up and failures to go through. I suffered through many broken hearts. NTs also experience this but they do it much earlier stage in life.

Like everything in life, you try something. If it doesn't work you try to fix it or start anew with building upon the experience that you learned the first time.


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Doomlord
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Joined: 7 Apr 2019
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11 Apr 2019, 5:16 pm

serpentari wrote:
having failed 3 out of 3 relationships i've been in, i dont have a good advice. and not in the shape to write out dont's either. especially that dont's are different for every person. so well. u can try, lose, hurt, recover and retry. or u can decide to not try. first option will offer heights and depths, and maybe u find ur soulmate. second would offer sort of stability in ur life. u can never know everything. and someone just might want u the way u are. and u might meet them. im sorry, i cant give u anything better. try to not blame urself for something u didnt manage. it never works well.


I know now I should have gauged her investment before I committed as much as I did. It takes 2 to make things work and she didn't want to anymore


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AQ: 37
Your Aspie score: 143 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 95 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


serpentari
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11 Apr 2019, 7:26 pm

believe me i know all about 2 to make things work. its good u understand


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


swordrat32
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11 Apr 2019, 7:46 pm

I'm sorry Doomlord. That sounds really hard.



Doomlord
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Joined: 7 Apr 2019
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12 Apr 2019, 12:39 am

swordrat32 wrote:
I'm sorry Doomlord. That sounds really hard.

Her brother is an aspie too. She understands more than most people could which is why I'm a little afraid of dating NTs now


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AQ: 37
Your Aspie score: 143 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 95 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


shortfatbalduglyman
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12 Apr 2019, 9:46 am

Risk versus reward