getting married at the registry

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RetroGamer87
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11 Apr 2019, 9:51 pm

Is it bad to get married at the registry? I don't really like crowds, especially when I'm the centre of attention. I especially don't like paying thousands or tens of thousands of dollars for a traditional wedding.

But I worry that I'll upset my family if I don't have a traditional wedding. Perhaps they'll be upset if they don't see me get married. Perhaps they'll be confused if I turn up at the next family event and tell them I got married last week.

Should I get engaged first? I don't even see what the point of engagement is. Perhaps my family expects me to tell them I'm engaged and then get married six months later. What should I do?


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AnneOleson
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11 Apr 2019, 10:30 pm

My husband and I married at the registry. We didn’t invite anyone to watch and didn’t tell anyone until after. My son married at the registry, using a wedding package. Instead of in an office and away you go after, there were nice photos taken indoors and outdoors too. Only the witnesses were there. At first I felt bad that I didn’t get to see him take his vows, I realized that a private ceremony suited him. My nephew was married at a different registry office recently and their parents and siblings attended. They had a big, but not fancy, reception party a few weeks later.

In the case of my son, they weren’t engaged long and he only told me of the wedding a week before. We live quite far away though.



Sweetleaf
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12 Apr 2019, 2:12 am

Me and my boyfriend plan to get married that way, and well if my family doesn't like it they are just going to have to deal with that...because neither one of us want a ceremony. I mean screw that stress mess, we would rather just sign the papers and then take a vacation to enjoy ourselves.

I mean we probably wont even tell our families beforehand, we'll just become married and mention it to people afterwards. I have had thoughts in the past about a metal themed wedding, but I mean we could also just sign papers and go to a metal concert. Why even spend the money on a 'wedding'? so that is my opinion.

And what is engagement...I mean with no ring or any crap me and my boyfriend have decided we would like to be married at some point....do we really need to exchange rings for that? Like I guess we are 'engaged' because we'd like to get married but we're not exchanging rings or calling each other fiance...we just know we'd like to stay together.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 12 Apr 2019, 2:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

BenderRodriguez
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12 Apr 2019, 2:15 am

AnneOleson wrote:
My husband and I married at the registry. We didn’t invite anyone to watch and didn’t tell anyone until after. My son married at the registry, using a wedding package. Instead of in an office and away you go after, there were nice photos taken indoors and outdoors too. Only the witnesses were there. At first I felt bad that I didn’t get to see him take his vows, I realized that a private ceremony suited him. My nephew was married at a different registry office recently and their parents and siblings attended. They had a big, but not fancy, reception party a few weeks later.

In the case of my son, they weren’t engaged long and he only told me of the wedding a week before. We live quite far away though.


I got married in a similar fashion, it was what we wanted. I don't have a family and my wife clearly told hers that she's the one getting married, not them.

Retro, why don't you focus more on what you two want?


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Antrax
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12 Apr 2019, 2:20 am

There's no right way to get married. You need to weigh what you and your spouse want versus what effects it will have on your families. Since I don't know your families I can't say how they will or will not react.


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Trueno
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12 Apr 2019, 2:22 am

We never told anyone, took off to a lovely registry office in the City of York. The registrar dragged two witnesses in off the street. It was a great day.

I wanted an Elvis wedding in Vegas but Mrs Trueno wouldn't go for it.


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magz
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12 Apr 2019, 2:37 am

What is your fiancee's opinion on this?
If you both agree, do whatever you agree on.


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nick007
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12 Apr 2019, 7:56 am

I would get married that way but my girlfriend insists on a small ceremony. It would be a long time before we'll get married thou cuz we're both disabled & it would screw up benefits & we have alot of debt rite now. I think it's better for us to be living together like we are now than for us to get married & file bankruptcy


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14 Apr 2019, 7:26 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Is it bad to get married at the registry? I don't really like crowds, especially when I'm the centre of attention. I especially don't like paying thousands or tens of thousands of dollars for a traditional wedding.

But I worry that I'll upset my family if I don't have a traditional wedding. Perhaps they'll be upset if they don't see me get married. Perhaps they'll be confused if I turn up at the next family event and tell them I got married last week.

Should I get engaged first? I don't even see what the point of engagement is. Perhaps my family expects me to tell them I'm engaged and then get married six months later. What should I do?
How firm are your plans? It's about time after all.


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RetroGamer87
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14 Apr 2019, 11:51 pm

MaxE wrote:
How firm are your plans? It's about time after all.

I really want to be married to her, I just don't want to get married. I like the state of marriage, I just don't like the process of getting married. Anyway, rather than complaining I should just bite the bullet and do it.

As for my plans, they're about as concrete as all my other plans (not very). I'm bad at planning. I come up with ideas but then I spend ages procrastinating before I actually do them.

It's the same as our not very concrete plans to buy a house. I've been procrastinating those too. If it had been up to her, she would have bought a house in a tenth of the time.

In far less time than I've been dealing with this housing thing, she's started her business and she now has three or four employees under her. I was amazed at how fast she did it. It would take me about two hundred years to achieve that.


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