getting married at the registry

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^ Good point hurtloam. The elephant in the thread.

We're getting on a lot better now. I just started to be a little bit nicer to her and now she's gone back to buying me stuff.

That's good but I recommend waiting a little while before tying the knot incase this doesn't last.

I got married at at a family courthouse on a Sunday with a sister and one of my husbands coworkers (who I never met) as witnesses. It was VERY nice and memorable, and then we had a very small party afterwards at my place, My mom, her boyfriend and some of the family were there. We were married around 15 years and have 2 grown sons.

That's fab. I've been told women respond well to kindness and love.

(mic drop)

Men too! ^

I'm glad she's being kind to you in return. Full circle and all that ...

What sorcery is this?

Well crap...scrap my advice than. I figured you and her were on the same page like you both just wanted to do the legal wedding without a ceremony. I did not realise it was still in the stage where you guys still have to learn to get along. Serioulsy if you guys aren't getting along good than scrap all the advice here and don't get married.


I mean how is the relationship even...like why is it necessary for you to be nicer, and why is she buying you stuff? Like sure if you guys like broke up and then reconciled and got back together it might make sense for her to bring like flowers for the first meet up and maybe a gift or two after that. BUt if she is just sending you a bunch of gifts in the hope you get with her again you should either actually consider that or let her know it is totally over and no amount of gifts will get you back. Like it is kind of wrong to just accept the gifts she gives if you know its because she wants to get back with you, but you have no intention of doing so...like tell her you don't want to get back together and to stop buying the gifts. She should not be wasting money on you if your intention is a total break off with her. LIke a relationship wont work out if you just treat her nicer so she gets you stuff, what happens when she is not getting you stuff and potentially might need you to get some stuff for her?

Not making a judgement, just stuff to think about. Also sorry but a relationship cannot be based on 'I Be nice'...'you get me gift' like there has to be some kind of actual connection not just a transaction of you spend time with her and then you get a reward. LIke what the hell do you guys even like talk ever? how did you even come to the agreement to get married?

Also in the OP you don't even mention her you just talk about getting married and feeling bad if you don't do a ceremony with your family, where is she in this? Has she even agreed to marry you in the first place? LIke could be you are getting a little ahead of yourself if you and your gf haven't even figured how to get along. And is she on board with just doing a legal marrige and then moving on with life? Just seems odd you talk of marriage in your OP but there is little to no mention of the girl you would be marrying. LIke would you be getting married because that is what you and her want to do? or just because you don't want to disappoint your family and figure you better do it now or you'll run out of time? Like what sort of relationship is it exactly? Do you and her love each other, or is it just a means to an end for you?

Getting along a little better is not resolving the issues. It is just pushing them aside and pretending they aren't there. Retro, you've posted enough about this relationship to demonstrate there are underlying issues.

Relationships are going to have issues. It is learning to work through them and being willing to work through them that makes the difference.

I have gone through divorce(s) and through significant other break ups. The latter is WAY EASIER.

Were you pregnant or did you have kids at the time? Retro's girlfriend being pregnant greatly complicates things. This may very well be a situation where Retro is afraid that if they split his girlfriend will become the primary parent & Retro will have to see his daughter on his girlfriend's terms. It sux but it's not uncommon.

Sorry but blazingstar is totally right. It totally sucks once you cant get rid of somebody you did learn to hate just because of sh***y lawyers. Don't forget to make a marriage contract which makes a divorce easier once you stop to love each other.

That's pretty common with two single parents who have kids together regardless of if they were married or not. The kids become pawns & WW3 erupts for child custody & child support.

I did and do regret it now. Don't forget to make a marriage contract even if it's not the same everywhere.

Yes.

it seems to be so complicated, however I guess, the only people who know what to do are your girlfriend and you