Which of these two plot scenarios sounds better?

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ironpony
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13 Apr 2019, 3:47 pm

I was having some writers block on a section of my script and not sure which of these two scenarios would be better, and thought I would just ask for other's opinions, if that's okay .

For my story, basically the prosecutor wants a witness to testify in a case, but the witness refuses to cooperate. The prosecutor subpoenas her to testify at a preliminary hearing therefore, to see what she has to say.

After being subpoenaed at the police station, since talking to her was not doing any good, a cop (the main character) gives her a ride home. He then drops her off and leaves. Moments later a break in happens at her house and she calls 911 to report it. The MC, still driving, is the closest car by and turns around, and huries back to the house to respond.

When he gets there he sees that the power to the house has been taken out, as well as the back door broken into. He knows that the people breaking in may have come to silence the witness in the case. So fearing for her life, he decides to enter without waiting for back up, as the intruders could have made their way too her, or could do so any moment. He then comes into contact with her and gets her out of the house. While keeping watch and waiting for back up, the MC thinks that she may have set up the break in to the house herself in order to get the police concerned about giving her protection, since she wanted protection before, but couldn't get it. But then intruders follow and a chase ensues, or something along those lines.

Scenario #2 is similar with pretty much the same pay off, and I am not sure which would be better...

I asked a cop when writing this for research and he says that the police would not assign protection to an uncooperative witness who had to be subpoenaed to testify at a grand jury, because she wouldn't tell the investigators or prosecutor anything. So I wrote the first scenario that way, where she gets no protection.

In scenario #2 it's pretty much the same where a cop drops her off, but before leaving he waits for another cop to drive to the house, and that cop will stay and watch her for his shift, as long as he doesn't get called away on emergency. The MC drives away leaving the other cop to watch her. The break in, in the back of the house still happens the same way, and she calls 911. The MC while driving away, gets the call and turns around and heads back.

The other cop gets out and decides to go in without waiting for the MC to come back, in fear of the witnesses life and safefty. As the other cop goes in, the witness thinks that the cop might be an intruder so she attempts to attack him, but the other cop, knowing she is making a mistake stops her. Or I could write it so that she gets the drop on him in the dark even, if that's better? The MC then arrives to explain the misunderstanding and that it's a cop, not the potential intruders. The MC still believes that she may have set up the break in herself as a ruse to get the police to give her more protection. But the intruders then come to try to get her and chase/stand off ensues.

So pretty much the same pay off, but done in different ways. The second would be more expensive to shoot per say cause of another actor, and more shots therefore, but if the second scenario is better, than I can do it, if it's worth it. Which scenario do you think is better, if any? Thanks for any advice or input. I really appreciate it.



shlaifu
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17 Apr 2019, 6:28 pm

sounds like scenario 1 is more realistic.
it's also simpler and does the job. and it does the job well.

scenario 2 is unnecessarily complicated, and I don't see much use in having the extra cop, only to have to get rid of him within a few shots again.

if the whitness is willing to stage a break in to get protection from the cops ....that means there's a need for her to have protection,.... then having her protected is justified, right?
So... I'm not sure why the cop would be suspicious , I mean, the whitness is the one who knows whether or not she is in trouble, not the cop. ...obviously, you're resolving that with the chase, but I'm just pointing out that the cop's suspicion doesn't really matter, because he must also understand that whether the break in is staged or not doesn't matter, if the motivation of the whitness is founded in a real need for protection.


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ironpony
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28 Apr 2019, 9:52 pm

Oh okay thanks, I thought that by having the extra cop there, it would make the police look less stupid, compared to leaving her alone. But maybe the police not being able to assign an officer to guard for the night, is not making them look too inept?