Was socializing easier as a kid or is it easier as an adult?

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From my perspective, I feel that being a kid and socializing was easier because I could be excused for avoiding social interactions I wasn't interested in. If something was of interest I could jump in and interact. I hid behind my mom, my sister, and my father and let them do the interacting, and I would watch and just copy what they did (like when to hug, laugh, say goodbye).

In school I would do this too. For some reason outgoing people would find me and befriend me, or I would try to tag along someone who was kind and outgoing. Sometimes I would get in trouble for interrupting in a class by talking to someone but for the most part I was pretty quiet and just went with the flow while at school.

However, when it was my time to enter high school, interacting became extremely difficult and I felt like I couldn't keep up and didn't understand people's intentions much of the time. I started cutting myself because I needed some release and was stupid enough to show people because I didn't think anything of it and immediately became an outcast to people I have known since elementary school. I was always kind of the weird quirky one but now I was the one people wanted nothing to do with. I ended up dropping out because of my intense social avoidance and didn't go back to school until my senior year. During this time I became obsessed with calories, weight, and developed anorexia because of my need to control something in my life, and I thought maybe it would give me acceptance (girls are always trying to lose weight).

College was okay, I stuck to my studies and just didn't talk to anyone my whole four years except a few people in my psych classes who were just as obsessed about psychology as I was. Beyond that I didn't even try to attempt talking to people, I just ignored them and did well in school.

Anyways, the career world was a disaster. I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing because of the people I had to interact with. Unlike college, you can't just get away with doing your work. If you ignore people you disrupt the "culture" of the workplace. I would try to be kind (I am, I just don't know what to say to people), but I just can't go on and on about small talk. I didn't really make friends wherever I worked, and eventually it would give me major anxiety about going to work. I just wanted to do a job, I didn't want to try to figure out cliques. Eventually, at my highest level of anxiety, I abandoned a retail job even though I was the store manager. I couldn't take it anymore so I just didn't show up again. I can't believe I did it, but I couldn't take anymore of the multitasking, the energy it took to try to establish relationships with everybody around me, and just the fact that I had to pretend to be someone I'm not just survive my job.

Currently I am a stay at home mom. I love my son and I love teaching him and being a homemaker. But I avoid neighbors that are our friends, I dread going to the store because of the bright lights and the hoards of people, and I rarely respond back to the few friends I have that want to make plans. And I am happy at home, I just know this is a huge problem for my husband and for the socialization of my three year old son. So while I am content because I can be on my own much more now, I also have major avoidance and feel that my energy to put up with social engagement is just drained now.

So out of curiosity, do you feel that socializing was easier as a child or is it easier in your adult life? please share your stories

The tween and teenage years were hardest because their were more negative consequences such as bullying on a more continual basis.

As an adult I know more but more is expected.

It was never easy,but probably easier pre being bullied as a teenager. I've never been a great socialiser though. I've always kept to myself a lot.

For me it was definitely worse as a kid/teenager - I had no say as to when and where I had to interact with others and the expectations, rules and punishment were much harsher.

At least as an adult, most see me as an equal and I can pick and choose when and with whom I interact. I could also find people who are more relaxed and tolerant, or just "eccentric" enough themselves not to adhere to rigid rules of behaviour.

Let me answer this question in several different ways.

First I am an extreme introvert. I recharge my batteries by being alone. An extrovert, a socializer, recharges their batteries by being in a group. They bounce off one person in a conversation and then another and in no time their batteries are recharged and they are ready again to face the challenges of life. For an extrovert their idea of heaven is a party, the more people the better. Perhaps the point I am making here is that in general, introverts are happy being introverts and extroverts are happy being extroverts. And it puts great stress on an introvert to socialize and for an extrovert to be locked away in solitary confinement. Now another important point is that around 50 percent of the people in the world are introverts and the other 50 percent are extroverts. So if you are an introvert do not force yourself to become an extrovert. You can force a square peg into a round hole if you have a hammer big enough but it causes a lot of damage to a square peg in the process.

The next thing is that I do not find it difficult to socialize. I am married and my wife is an extreme extrovert. To me this is ideal because I leave all the socializing to my wife. Whatever social rules she wished me to follow, I follow them without question. It is a Yin-Yang marriage. Each individual has different strengths and weaknesses. In joining together in marriage, the couple is better capable of dealing with whatever challenges the world throws their way. Combining an Introvert and Extrovert personality is a good fit together. It is trying to capture a trait you do not possess, a trait that will help to make you appear normal. By combining together we are a better union working as a whole.

But let us flip this around. Extroverts have a weakness. They are afraid of being completely alone. It causes them great distress. You can help an extrovert by always being there for them. As an Aspie, my word is my bond. I am honest. If I take a marriage vow, I will be with my wife till the end of time. Since an extrovert’s greatest fear is being alone, I will always be there for her as long as I live.

I also understood that if my wife is an extrovert, she would need to socialize. It is important for her to be the best she can be. So you need to let and encourage her to socialize. You may go along and sit in a corner, out of the way and just be there for her. That is how marriage works.

I am an extreme introvert and I am happy being an introvert. My wife is an extreme extrovert and she is happy being an extrovert. It is important for me to allow her to be the best extrovert she can be. If I lock her away in a house and restrict her from developing new friendships, I will break her. So it is important for me to encourage and expand her social network. When we moved into a new housing development, none of our new neighbors came by for a visit. I could see that they were all waiting for someone else to break the ice. So when I got home from work each day I would take my wife in tow and walk over to a neighbor and knock on their door and introduce us and invite them over for a cup of coffee. About half of our neighbors were glad to meet us and they immediately invited us in for a chat. They became instant friends. This may sound like a strange thing for an introvert to do. But I am fearless but my wife is not and besides I didn’t really need to socialize, I just needed to introduce ourselves and then stand back and let my wife do all the talking.

"So out of curiosity, do you feel that socializing was easier as a child or is it easier in your adult life?" As a child in school I was in a vast poll of my peers smashed together. But as one grows up into adulthood the number of people in this pool dramatically shrinks after college. Unless you have an extrovert quality, many Aspies will find themselves very alone for the rest of their life.

My final thought is that in Junior High School I was subjected to severe bullying. Even after 60 years later these battle scars still exist deep inside me. I am like an Omega in a tribe of primates. My peers tried to convert me into a forever scapegoat. But I resisted. There is only two choices for an Omega. They can allow themselves to be humiliated for the rest of their existence or they can leave the tribe. I chose the latter. I stand on my own two feet against whatever wind blows my way. I am not antisocial. It is just that I am no longer a social beast. In the old days there was a term that describes us. The term is nonconformist. These are some of the sayings about those that leave the tribe:

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. – Rob Siltanen: Apple, "Think Different" campaign

It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed. - Albert Einstein

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain

Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road. - Voltaire

Not all those who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A "normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray." - Alan Sherman

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche

The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain. - Colin Wilson

Freedom began on the day the first sheep wandered away from the herd. ― Marty Rubin

There were more opportunities, it wasn't necessarily any easier though.

For me, it's much easier now. I didn't have too many opportunities growing up.

I feel I am much more competent socializing as an adult than as a kid. However, I don't have as many "built-in" socializing opportunities and have to work harder to actually get into social situations.

As an adult. I still don't socialize but I feel more relaxed at social gatherings.

Well...as a kid I had more friends, but I didn't like most of them.

Sometimes I didn't have a say in the matter, there was one parent in particular who forced people to be friends with her kid and threatened to get the school involved if we didn't hang out. The school actually cared, mainly because the parent would send donations to them. Let's just say that I didn't get on with this kid, but I did have to spend an awful lot of time with her.

I wasn't completely socially inept, but I did punch a kid in the face one time because I thought she was actually insulting me when she was just playfully teasing. Didn't realise that she didn't mean it literally.

Then there was the time when I was selectively mute for a while, and wouldn't make eye contact or even any non-verbal interactions. I refused to write as well, until I was sent into therapy. Even now I'm kind of surprised at how much I've changed, I'm much more social these days. Granted, I'm still fairly introverted, but at least I can speak to cashiers now.

I would say that it's easier to meet people in school because you have regular lessons, and are constantly meeting new individuals. Now that I'm in University, I've found it a lot harder to meet new people. A lot of my work I do either in student halls, at home, or alone at the library. People are a bit busy with deadlines and finding themselves in University. It's harder to make plans to just hang out, and I don't see my classmates enough to make an emotional connection.

So, whilst I met more people, and with a lot more ease as a child...I didn't like most of them. As an adult, I have a few close friends and a strong connection to my family. I've met some interesting people at the Improv society, and it is a shame that they are graduating and I will probably never see them again. But at least new people will join the group next year.

It's easier as an adult, because I know what's expected and have better control over my impulses (aka, I know how to deal with my anger in a healthy way, and not just punch the person annoying me). However, it's also harder because it can be difficult to meet people when everyone is so busy living their own lives.

Definitely easier as an adult.

First ten years or so were easy-ish. Teenage years were the worst, and it's not gotten much better since then.

Adult. Before age 18 I really had no social skills at all. All I could talk about was my special interests, answer or ask direct questions, otherwise I was essentially mute.

I would have to say that the act of socializing as a kid was easier. I did not care about social standing or rules back then. Of course, this caused some problems. As an adult, I am capable of socializing, to the point that my wife gets mad when I do not keep up with the charade at home. Doing so uses alot of energy, not just during the event but for hours or more after analyzing the interaction over and over.

For me a kid. I just did it. Poorly. But I did it. As an adult I have too much social anxiety and feel in over my head when I try. Even worse because I feel very immature for my age and struggle to talk about things people my age are interested. I feel like a perpetual teenager.