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It's really not as easy as you think

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RetroGamer87
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07 May 2019, 7:17 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
So why don't you just do online dating then? You'll have countless options to chose from. Just find a guy who seems alright and start talking to him. You'll almost certainly get a reply and can then see how things go from there.


First gut response....

It scares me.


Online dating worked for me. I found it scary too. The only way to overcome your fears is to confront them.


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sly279
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07 May 2019, 9:56 pm

I’d prefer long term relationship.


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hurtloam
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07 May 2019, 11:43 pm

MaxE wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
So why don't you just do online dating then? You'll have countless options to chose from. Just find a guy who seems alright and start talking to him. You'll almost certainly get a reply and can then see how things go from there.


First gut response....

It scares me.
I have seen a couple of women on WP do online dating via OkCupid and two in particular eventually got into long-term relationships, which to the best of my knowledge haven't ended, although one of those 2 basically left WP once her love life was sorted out. Both were in their mid to late 20s, but it might work for you. I can't tell you how not to be scared though.

In other words, I have thought about this thread, and I do think there's a disconnect, because the men who are complaining are basically looking for any woman who will date them, and TBH also expect they would then have regular sex which doesn't necessarily make them bad people. They might welcome a long-term relationship but are basically just looking for someone to date them. In your case (I apologize in advance if I got it wrong) I don't think you believe yourself unable to find somebody interested in casual dating but despair of finding a long-term partner. Which I totally understand, but I still think it a cause for miscommunication so far as some regular posters are concerned.


Ha! I can't even find someone for casual dating.

The last guy changed his mind before our first official date. That's how bad it's gotten! This was a person who knew me well, not even a casual acquaintance. If someone who knows and likes me (aparently) doesn't think I'm good enough, who could?

I'm not good enough to even go one one date with.

I don't like the thought of being rejected on a weekly basis with online dating. That would destroy me. Once in a while is bad enough.



Dan82
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08 May 2019, 12:09 am

hurtloam wrote:
MaxE wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
So why don't you just do online dating then? You'll have countless options to chose from. Just find a guy who seems alright and start talking to him. You'll almost certainly get a reply and can then see how things go from there.


First gut response....

It scares me.
I have seen a couple of women on WP do online dating via OkCupid and two in particular eventually got into long-term relationships, which to the best of my knowledge haven't ended, although one of those 2 basically left WP once her love life was sorted out. Both were in their mid to late 20s, but it might work for you. I can't tell you how not to be scared though.

In other words, I have thought about this thread, and I do think there's a disconnect, because the men who are complaining are basically looking for any woman who will date them, and TBH also expect they would then have regular sex which doesn't necessarily make them bad people. They might welcome a long-term relationship but are basically just looking for someone to date them. In your case (I apologize in advance if I got it wrong) I don't think you believe yourself unable to find somebody interested in casual dating but despair of finding a long-term partner. Which I totally understand, but I still think it a cause for miscommunication so far as some regular posters are concerned.


Ha! I can't even find someone for casual dating.

The last guy changed his mind before our first official date. That's how bad it's gotten! This was a person who knew me well, not even a casual acquaintance. If someone who knows and likes me (aparently) doesn't think I'm good enough, who could?

I'm not good enough to even go one one date with.

I don't like the thought of being rejected on a weekly basis with online dating. That would destroy me. Once in a while is bad enough.

Can you try to deemphasize the rejection? As a guy doing online dating, I just accepted that I was going to have to contact dozens of women for each date I got and date maybe a dozen women for every relationship I entered. I tried to make what fun I could out of what little contact I had--come up with jokes or quips based on their profiles. It was just like, "Of COURSE this isn't going to go anywhere 9 times out of 10, but I'm having fun anyway!"


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Sabreclaw
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08 May 2019, 12:57 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
So why don't you just do online dating then? You'll have countless options to chose from. Just find a guy who seems alright and start talking to him. You'll almost certainly get a reply and can then see how things go from there.


First gut response....

It scares me.


Online dating worked for me. I found it scary too. The only way to overcome your fears is to confront them.


Online dating didn't work for me. I got ignored by nearly everyone, including even unemployed girls. Then finally found someone who seemed like a great fit, only she disappeared after a while.

Wasn't even ghosted, she just stopped going online entirely. I found it really soul crushing to have had the one woman I thought might actually have a compatible personality just up and vanish like that.

But Hurtloam has the advantage of being a woman. The men outnumber you 10 to 1. There is nothing to be scared of.

I wish we could all just meet suitable people IRL and bond naturally over time, but that usually just leaves us all alone. You're lucky to get a genuine friend who wants nothing more, but you're more likely to just make shallow aquiantences who have no interest in you whatsoever.

Just give online dating a try. I've seen other women on WP claim they can't find a guy, try online dating, and very quickly end up with a boyfriend. You can too.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 May 2019, 1:24 am

I think hurtloam made it very clear that online dating is out of the question for her, on several occasions.



Sabreclaw
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08 May 2019, 1:29 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I think hurtloam made it very clear that online dating is out of the question for her, on several occasions.


Then she'll have to pray she gets really lucky.



hurtloam
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08 May 2019, 1:45 am

Im done now.

There's no point talking about this over and over.

I'm hurting and I need to move on, but I'm not ready to date again yet.

I'm just too hurt.

I feel like I'm not allowed to develop feelings for anyone without being seen as stupid :(



RetroGamer87
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08 May 2019, 9:11 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
So why don't you just do online dating then? You'll have countless options to chose from. Just find a guy who seems alright and start talking to him. You'll almost certainly get a reply and can then see how things go from there.


First gut response....

It scares me.


Online dating worked for me. I found it scary too. The only way to overcome your fears is to confront them.


Online dating didn't work for me. I got ignored by nearly everyone, including even unemployed girls. Then finally found someone who seemed like a great fit, only she disappeared after a while.

Wasn't even ghosted, she just stopped going online entirely. I found it really soul crushing to have had the one woman I thought might actually have a compatible personality just up and vanish like that.


That happened to me dozens of times. You have to keep trying and trying and trying and trying.

hurtloam wrote:
I feel like I'm not allowed to develop feelings for anyone without being seen as stupid :(


I can empathize. I always feel like people are judging me for my feelings.


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